


Could Have Had It All

by Noturbaby



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Buffy post series, F/M, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform, Supernatural season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-04
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-21 00:28:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 78,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/218914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noturbaby/pseuds/Noturbaby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buffy and Dean fell in love in High School, but college, a curse, and John Winchester kept them apart. When Buffy died, Dean thought he did, too. Now he's in a coma, and Buffy's back. But Dean is unsure what she is. Will he die or can Buffy save him? Based on SPN Season 2 ep. 1 and Buffy seasons 4&5.<br/>Follow up to High School Sweethearts and Second chances</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Set in episode 2.1 of Supernatural, In My Time of Dying, but containing flashbacks to seasons 4 and 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It is set in the year 2004 instead of 2006. The only other change made to SPN 2.1, besides adding Buffy characters, is to have all three Winchesters unconscious upon arrival at the hospital. The established relationship between the Winchesters and the Scoobies is based on my fic High School Sweethearts and Second Chances.

 

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Could Have Had It All

Prologue

 **Spring 2004 – Cleveland**

At first, Buffy couldn't put her finger on what caused her sudden nostalgia. It was as if everywhere she went her past was waiting for her. Then her neighbor, Greg, opened her eyes. Most of the time, Greg drove a rusty red pick up truck, but come the first truly warm day of spring, his '72 Chevelle left his garage. Greg would spend a day washing and waxing and finally driving his baby. It took her several days to work up her nerve to ask her neighbor about the car. Her interest in it amused the older man. He had to explain that in the 'rust belt', people who loved their cars didn't take them out until the salt was off the roads. "Instead of the first robin of spring," the man suggested, "listen for the first muscle car of spring. Then you'll know that Cleveland's winter is finally over."

The first time Buffy heard the car, she was enchanted. Suddenly, she was back in time riding in a sleek black car with its windows down and the radio blaring. She remembered the feel of warm fingers on the back of her neck playing with the strands of hair that fell out of her ponytail. She remembered the smiling green eyes and the easy laugh of the guy driving. She remembered how that smile could melt her heart.

By the end of the week, her nostalgia had gotten the better of her. Buffy walked into the 'Slayer Headquarters' with a dozen pink sweetheart roses.

"What's the occasion, Buf? Who gave you the flowers?" Xander asked with a large smile.

"Huh?" She asked absentmindedly as she put the flowers in a vase. "No occasion, I just wanted to brighten up the place."

Xander took a moment to smell the flowers. "I forgot how much you liked these."

Buffy looked at him, surprised by his comment. "I've always liked flowers, and pink roses are my favorite."

"Yeah, I remember." Xander stopped himself before he mentioned anything else from her past, especially the guy who used to send her those flowers. Xander never understood her reasons for not contacting Dean after she came back. How could Buffy suppress every memory of Dean when Xander could clearly remember being jealous of their devotion to each other?

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **  
_Summer 1999 – Hank's house in a L.A. Suburb just past 1am._   
**

_Xander shook his head, "Dude you are so whipped."_

 _Dean threw him an angry glare, "Shut up, Xander." Then he muttered, "'m not."_

 _"Cha, right. Whatever, keep telling yourself that, man," Xander chuckled._

 _"I haven't seen her for two months. Cut me some slack," Dean whispered harshly as he knocked the 'rock' from Xander's hand. "Dude, pebbles, that's a rock. I'm not trying to break Hank's window."_

 _"How'm I supposed to know the proper rock size for a window?" Xander asked as he lolled over to one side and searched the ground for another pebble._

 _"I can't believe you've never done this," Dean whispered as he checked the windows again. "C'mon, it's that one."_

 _Xander straightened up, too quickly and lost his balance; arms wind milling into Dean, knocking him back. "How do you know?"_

 _Dean regained his balance and pointed, "Pink curtains." He tossed a couple pebbles against the window._

 _Inside the pink curtained room, Buffy giggled into her hand. She heard them long before Dean had been able to hit her window with the pebbles. However, she decided to play along and let him scatter stones on her window before she'd meet him on the deck._

 _Dean looked over the house, "Give me more pebbles."_

 _"Get yer own pebbles," Xander mumbled, before nodding and doing as he was told. "What if she's not home?"_

 _Dean held Xander's arm to silence him, then he pointed to the deck. He grabbed some white plastic chairs and stacked them. Turning to Xander, "Oz'll be here soon, right?"_

 _Xander nodded and Dean put his finger to his lips then used the stacked chairs as a step to help him reach the lower support of the deck. He hoisted himself up the rest of the way, making it to the rail as Buffy slid the patio door open. "Hey, baby, ya miss me?" he whispered as he swung his leg over the rail._

 _Buffy answered him with a beaming smile. The next moment found Dean's arms wrapped around her and their smiles melted into kisses._

 _From below Xander cleared his throat. "Uh, hey, Buffy."_

 _Buffy broke from the kiss, "Hi, Xander." Dean pushed her hair back and attacked her neck with his mouth and ran his hands over her as she attempted to talk._

 _Xander turned away, "Well, okay, so he's here and, uh, Oz is gonna be here soon, so I'ma just gonna go wait for him." He pointed to Hank's front yard. "See ya."_

 _"Bye Xander," Buffy squeaked._

 _Dean finally gave up his assault. "Hey, Xan," Xander stopped and turned around. "Thanks, man."_

 _Xander weaved a bit, "No prob. Later."_

 _Buffy returned to kissing Dean. "You're not supposed to be here 'til tomorrow." She moved to kissing his neck. He smelled like beer and cigarettes but Buffy didn't mind as his hands roamed all over her back and rested on her butt, pulling her into him._

 _"Want me to leave?" he teased as he kissed her neck again._

 _"No," Buffy smiled as she pulled back from him holding his hands. "I think it's after midnight, so technically it is tomorrow."_

 _Dean grinned and leaned forward to capture her lips in another kiss. "God, I missed you." he murmured into her lips. "Is this my Harley shirt?" he asked tugging at the shirt she was wearing as a nightshirt._

 _"Maybe," Buffy shrugged, and smiled up at him, before catching his lips in another kiss._

 _Dean moaned into the kiss, "I wish I didn't have to settle for attacking you on this porch." Then it was Buffy's turn to moan as his hand snaked its way under 'his' shirt and caressed her soft skin as his mouth traveled to her neck._

 _Their passionate reunion was cut short by the sound of Oz's van coming down the street. Dean pulled back from her. "Damn, the next few hours are gonna be torture," he groaned._

 _Dean put his hands on her hips and gently pushed her back._

 _"Right," she sighed, "Just a few more hours and you're all mine."_

 _He turned from her and climbed over the deck railing then jumped to the ground. Looking up at Buffy, Dean grinned. "See you soon, baby," he whispered up to her before he sprinted to the street to meet the van._

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Cleveland, Spring 2004**

Xander had Dawn laughing so hard she didn't hear her phone ring. It wasn't until she noticed it nearly vibrating off the table that she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello. May I speak with a Dawn Winchester?"

Dawn froze. Winchester. She hadn't heard that name since she left Sunnydale. Clearing her throat she replied, "This is she." Her expression squashed the jovial mood of those around her.

"Ms. Winchester this is Shiloh County Hospital in South Dakota. I'm sorry to inform you that there has been an accident. Your brothers and your father were severely injured."

Dawn recovered from her momentary shock to ask, "Oh my god. What happened?"

"Their car was struck by a semi. Your brother, Sam, suffered some mild trauma and we're keeping him for observation. Your father is still unconscious and is in serious, but stable condition. However, your brother, Dean is in critical condition. He suffered massive internal injuries. We're sorry, but we're not sure…"

Dawn cut the woman off. "I'll be on the next flight." Rising from her seat, she immediately began to pace.

"Dawn? Dawnie, honey, what is it? You're as white as a ghost." Willow tried to take Dawn's hand, but the girl pulled away.

"It's Sam and Dean. They've been in an accident. Dean's – I, I have to get to them right now."

"Winchester?" Xander mumbled in shock.

Dawn was on her way out of the room, but she stopped in front of her sister. As every eye in the room turned to Buffy, Dawn answered Xander, "Yeah, and I need to go to them, now. How 'bout you? Are you coming?" Buffy's eyes fell to the floor. "What if he doesn't make it, Buffy? The woman on the phone said Dean …"

"I'll come with you." Buffy's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Are you sure?" Xander asked. Willow's face mirrored his concern.

Buffy nodded as she stood. "I have to. It's Dean."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the Cleveland airport, Buffy paced as she waited for the flight, hoping to settle her nerves; no chance of that happening. Her mind raced with every memory she had of Dean. She saw him standing in front of her English class. She saw him under the Fourth of July fireworks in Blue Earth and in a tux at her prom.

Then there were Dean's surprise appearances while Buffy attended college. He'd arrive in town and turn Buffy's world upside down. The days he wouldn't let her go to class so that they could be together. But, Buffy also remembered the bitter fight and curse which tore them apart and the resulting months of tears. She remembered, with a flush, the making up after that fight.

She looked at Dawn and saw that she was lost in her own memories. She knew her sister loved Dean. Thinking back to how anxious she had been to tell Dean what Dawn really was, made her realize how important he'd been to Dawn. "It doesn't matter how she got here, Buffy. She's here, she's part of you, she's family. You cut her, she bleeds, just like everyone else. And those tears, you know those are real or you wouldn't feel as crappy as you do."

Buffy remembered when she could have had it all.

She tugged on her necklace and twisted the charm. Dean wouldn't want to see her, it would cause the biggest fight in their tumultuous history, yet Buffy had to know he was going to live.

What concerned her nearly as much as Dean's condition, was the warning John Winchester had given her if she ever went near Dean again.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the flight, Dawn recalled the first time she met Dean. Not the fake memory of knowing him while he dated Buffy in high school, but the actual physical memory of that last week of summer before she started high school.

She remembered the god-awful crush she had on him, but in her defense, Dean was the cutest boy she had ever seen. It was like having Brad Pitt in her very own living room. Even better, Dean always tried to include her in at least some of his and Buffy's plans while he was in town.

Dawn remembered sitting in her room, avoiding Buffy, until she heard that car pull up. Then she'd want to race down the steps to see Dean, but she knew she'd have to wait until Buffy got her 'hello' first. So, she'd wait. She'd watch from the doorway as he swept her sister off her feet in a spinning hug and she'd ignore the jealous pang she felt seeing their smiles and whispered love.

But, then it was her turn. "Shortcake!" Dean whistled and hugged her, too. "Check you out! You will be fighting the guys off with a stick this year." He put her down and made a show of looking her over. "You get better looking every day."

"Dean!" Dawn would giggle in return. Even though Dean's arm would slide back around her sister, Dawn would be glowing from his attention.

"It's true. Don't you think so, Sammy?"

Sam would turn red and mumble something and Dean would laugh. Then, they all would laugh. But Dawn knew, with Sam and Dean around, Buffy would be in a good mood. Even their mom liked it when the Winchesters would visit. The best part was since Sam was there, too, Dawn would have someone to hang out with no matter what Dean and Buffy did.

Now as the plane made its descent, Dawn cursed herself for letting so much time slip by; for letting excuses mount until it was awkward to even send an email. After everything Dean had done for her, how did she let Buffy eradicate him from her life? She should have tried harder to be part of Sam's and Dean's lives. She should have tried harder to make her sister realize that they both needed Sam and Dean their lives.


	2. Chapter One

**Shiloh County Hospital – 2004**

The nurse looked up at the six foot five man and prayed she wouldn't need to call security. "Sir, please, you need to lay back down and relax. The doctor…"

"No, I need to see my brother. Where's Dean? Is he all right?" Sam winced as he tried to stand again, ignoring the nurse's hand on his chest.

"Sir, your brother is getting the very best care, I can assure you. And you will get to see him," the nurse tried to stay calm, but Sam Winchester was pushing her to her limit. "Right now the doctors are doing everything they can for him. All you can do is lay back and try to get some rest. He's going to need you when he wakes up. You'll be no good to him if you're dead on your feet."

Sam huffed and glared at her. "Look, I know you're just doing your job, but he's my brother and I've got to know how he's doing."

With a gentle smile, the nurse tried again. "I'm glad you realize it's my job to take care of you. You have also been in a car accident and suffered some pretty serious trauma. Now, lay back and take your meds and I'll find out what I can and report back to you, deal?"

Finally, Sam followed the nurse's request and lay back. "Thank you."

"Thank you, Mr. Winchester." She patted his arm and handed him a cup of water. "Okay, then. I'll be back as soon as I can."

* * *

  
Dean sat up in his hospital bed having the worst cotton mouth he had ever suffered. Seeing that he was alone, he hopped out of bed and ventured into the hall. After checking a couple other patient rooms, he was disappointed to not find Sam.

"Sam? Sammy!" he called, but no one responded, the halls were eerily empty and quiet. Taking the stairs down to the next level, he came upon a nurse's station where a nurse was doing paperwork. "Oh, thank god," he muttered. Walking up to the nurse he spoke up. "Hey, hi, I'm wondering if you can help me. I'm looking for my brother and my father. We were in a car accident."

The nurse looked up for a moment, but then ignored Dean and turned away to file some papers .

"Hey! Excuse me!" Dean hollered, but the nurse continued to ignore him.

* * *

  
"Mr. Winchester?"

Sam sat up in his bed. "Did you find anything out about my family?"

The nursed kept her voice calm. "Your father is still unconscious, but his vitals are strong. He did suffer a broken arm and the doctors were able to repair the damage from the gun shot to his leg. The doctors are sure he'll make a full recovery."

"And my brother?"

The nurse took a deep breath. "Your brother sustained serious internal injuries to his liver and kidneys, severe blood loss and head trauma." She saw Sam's eyes widen in panic. "He's fighting very hard to stay alive, and the doctor's are quite hopeful."

Sam tried to get out of the bed. "I've got to go to him."

"I'm sorry, but you can't. He's in intensive care right now. You can see him in the morning."

Sam sighed heavily, resigned to waiting for the morning when the nurse added. "But, we were able to reach your sister. She's on her way."

Sam blinked in shock. "My sister?"

The nurse looked surprised by his reaction. "Yes, your sister. It is common practice to call next of kin in situations like yours. Fortunately, one of you had her number in his wallet."

Sam shook his head, nearly smiling in spite of himself. "Dean. Dean would have Dawn's number in his wallet." After all, Dawn had almost become Dean's sister.

Sadly, Sam realized he hadn't talked to Dawn since he moved in with Jess. How had he let so much time slip by?

* * *

  
Neither of the Summers girls had said much since leaving Cleveland. As they made their way into the hospital that following morning, it wasn't lost on Dawn that Buffy was lagging behind.

Finally fed up and full of frustration, Dawn turned to her sister and snapped, "What is your problem? Can you hurry up, please?"

Buffy stopped all together. "I don't know if I can do this," she whispered.

Irritated, Dawn huffed. "You don't know if you can do this? Oh, you're doing this. You're going to go see Dean if it the last thing you do because it might be the last time you do. He might not make it, Buffy!" She took a breath and ignored the pain on her sister's face. "You're doing this because you owe him. He was there for us when Mom died and he was there for me when you died. I will not let him die without," she swallowed her emotions. "I will not let him die." She turned and continued toward the hospital. "Now, come on."

Buffy followed slowly.

She hadn't seen Dean since the night she died. Not in person, not close enough to talk, to touch. Though the thought of seeing him and letting him know she had been alive all these years was nerve wracking, to say the least, Buffy was just as worried about seeing John Winchester and Dean's reaction to finding out his father had known the truth.

* * *

  
 **Sunnydale – Spring 2002**

 _Buffy froze at the sound of a gun cocking and a gruff voice demanding, "Who are you? What are you?"_

 _Buffy turned slowly to face John Winchester. "It's me."_

 _"Bull shit. Buffy Summers is dead. I buried her."_

 _"I came back."_

 _John didn't lower his gun, he only squinted at her. "How? How is that possible?"_

 _Keeping her voice as calm as she could, Buffy answered. "Willow. She did a spell and brought me back."_

 _"No, not possible. Sam and I put wards in place."_

 _"She removed them."_

 _"Then you wouldn't mind taking a sip of this." He reached into his pocket and tossed her a silver flask of Holy water._

 _"Will you lower the gun when I do?"_

 _"Do it and we'll see." Buffy took the proffered flask and drank. John shook his head, though he was satisfied she wasn't a demon. "So witchcraft, you were brought back with witchcraft." He cautiously lowered his gun._

 _"Yeah," Buffy answered just above a whisper._

 _"Does Dean know?" John demanded, though it cut him to think Dean would keep something like this from him._

 _"No -"_

 _"Good. Don't you even think of telling him. He practically died when you were killed. He barely spoke, he barely ate, for months he's grieved for you. He only just started hunting again." John noticed Buffy's pained expression but went on. "I even questioned his motives at first. But he said **you'd** want him to keep fighting." John glared at the girl before him and stepped closer to her. "You know, nobody comes back from where you were the same as how they left," John growled. Buffy nodded but kept her eyes lowered. "If Dean finds out you're back, it'll kill him."_

 _Buffy wanted to argue, wanted to tell him how much she needed Dean, but she couldn't. All she could think of was how empty and wrong she felt; how full of self loathing. She thought of what she and Spike did and felt even lower than she had before. John Winchester was right. A person doesn't come back the same; she knew she didn't._

 _John saw she wasn't going to argue. "So, Willow. She's the one working all the dark magic?"_

 _Buffy nodded as she came back to the present._

 _John checked his gun. "Where is she?"_

 _Instantly defensive and on guard, Buffy sneered, "You're not going to touch her."_

 _"She has to be stopped."_

 _"Then I'll stop her," Buffy said in determination as she pushed passed him._

 _"If you don't, I will." John took a step towards her, invading her space. "You've got twenty-four hours. If Willow isn't handled, or if one more person dies, I'm taking Willow down. Understood?"_

 _Buffy glared at him, not intimidated in the least. "I'll deal with Willow. You just stay away from her." She pushed passed him, forcing down the rage building inside._

 _"Twenty-four hours, Slayer." The hunter stepped away, but there was venom in his voice as he added, "Stay away from my family or the witch won't be the only one I put down for good." Buffy had been about to put him in his place when his icy glare silenced her._

 _Watching her leave, John prayed he was doing the right thing by Dean. His son had been nothing but a shell for nearly a year. Dean wouldn't be able to cope with knowing that she had kept her return a secret from him. John was certain it would break him._

* * *

  
 **Shiloh County Hospital – 2004**

"I'm looking for my family, the Winchesters. I'm Dawn. I was told they had been in an accident."

The desk nurse smiled. "Yes, I'm so glad you made it. Why don't you take a seat and I'll get a doctor to address you concerns."

"I'd like to see my brothers, first, if that's all right."

The nurse took a deep breath. "Uh, well, I guess I can take you to see your brother, Sam. He can fill you in on the condition of the rest of your family."

As the nurse made her way around the desk, Dawn turned to see if Buffy was going to join her. Buffy tilted her head to indicate some charts the nurse left laying on the desk; Dean's happened to be on the top of the pile. Dawn nodded to her sister and followed the nurse to her 'brother's' room.

"Sam!" Dawn rushed him and hugged him tightly. "Oh, thank god."

"Dawn," Sam's breath rushed out of him with her hug. "It's so good to see you."

They held each other close and the nurse smiled. "I'll let you give your sister the update on your family, but before you leave, stop at the desk, okay?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah will do."

"They're letting you out?"

"Yeah, no reason to keep me; I'm doing pretty good, just banged up a little."

"A little?" Dawn caressed his face gently. "You look like you were hit by a truck."

Sam chuckled, but grabbed his sore ribs. "Not funny, Dawn."

"What really happened?"

Sam took a calming breath. "We finally caught up with the demon." Dawn gasped as he continued. "It had possessed my dad and nearly killed Dean, but we managed to get away. I was driving Dean and my dad to the hospital when we were hit by a semi. The driver had been possessed." He nervously ran a hand through his hair. "Dean is gonna kill me when he sees the car."

Dawn stared up at him for a long moment. "How is Dean?"

"Uh, a little better, I guess. They moved him out of ICU this morning, but he's still unconscious and the doctor said -," Sam's voice caught. He swallowed back his mounting anxiety and relaxed a little as Dawn took his hand.

"Why don't we go see him?" Dawn suggested hoping that seeing his brother would calm Sam's fears.

* * *

  
Dean was still staring after the nurse at the desk, when he felt a strange sensation in his hand. "What the?" He looked down at his right hand; it felt warm and somehow looked brighter than the rest of him. He flexed it a couple times but then felt it get squeezed.

Bewildered, he returned to his room, maybe there was something on his chart or perhaps a doctor would be near by. Entering his room, two things caused him to come to a stand still. First, was the sight of himself laying in bed with a ventilator breathing for him. Second, was was the reason his hand felt warm; someone was holding it. "Buffy?" He approached her cautiously. "Am I dead?"

A quick check of the monitor showed his heart was still beating and the ventilator was pumping air into his lungs. "How?" he asked looking at the woman holding his hand. "How is this possible? How can you be here? Are you a ghost?"

"Dean, please," she whispered, drawing Dean's spirit even closer. She rested her cheek against their entwined hands, letting her tears wet his hand. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"No. No, this is impossible." Dean knew Buffy was dead. She had to be. He saw her die. He watched her casket get lowered into her grave. He had seen the crater that Sunnydale had become. "This has to be a dream."

He moved to Buffy's other side and crouched down. Seeing her tears, he instinctively went to brush them away. "Don't cry. You know I hate it when you cry." He studied her features. She looked older, care worn, but she was still beautiful. Dean felt an ache in his chest he hadn't felt in years. A yearning he had kept buried. The same one that had kept him from falling completely for Cassie, for Lisa, or for any other woman.

Buffy wiped her eyes and stood. She kissed his cheek and whispered, "I'll be back. I promise."

Dean's hand flew to his cheek as if he felt her lips brush his cheek and for a moment, he couldn't move. "Wait, Buffy, don't leave!" He chased her out the door only to be distracted by the sight of his brother walking towards him with Dawn at his side. "Sammy?" Dean froze as he recognized the person walking with his brother. "Dawn?" He looked the other way hoping to see Buffy again, but there was no sign of her.

He followed them into his room. "Sam, you're all right. You look good, considering."

Sam nearly cried when he saw his brother. "Oh, god," he whispered. Dawn grabbed Sam's hand and squeezed.

"Dawn, look at you, you're beautiful. You're so grown up," Dean said with a proud smile. "You must be why I thought I saw Buffy." His voice was sad as he realized Buffy hadn't really been in his room, holding his hand. Her spirit or essence was still with Dawn. He must have imagined the entire scene. Turning to his brother he asked, "Sam, how's Dad? Have you seen him? Is he okay?"

"Sam, Sam Winchester? Your father is awake, you can see him, now, if you'd like," said a doctor who just entered the room.

Dean sighed in relief. "Thank god."

"Doc, what about my brother?"

"He's suffered some major internal injuries and severe blood loss, but it's his head trauma that concerns me. He has the signs of cerebral edema. But, we won't know his full condition until he wakes up, if he wakes up," the doctor added solemnly.

" **If**?" both Dawn and Sam asked.

"Screw you, Doc, I'm waking up," Dean argued back. "Sam, you're the psychic, tell me you can hear me! Go get some hoo doo medicine man to work his mojo on me."

"You don't know Dean," Dawn said as she approached Dean's bedside and took his hand. "He's not going to let some car accident be the end of him. He's going to get better just to kill Sam for wrecking his Impala."

"He is fighting very hard," the doctor said a slight smile before leaving them alone.

Sam stared at his brother as if concentrating on him was going to make Dean wake up. "Sam?" Dawn's voice was soft. "Why don't you go see your dad? I'll stay with Dean."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, okay. I should let him know how Dean is."

"Uh, I don't think he'd like knowing I'm here."

A worried Sam looked at her and wondered what his dad would do if he found out Dawn Summers was visiting Dean. He couldn't still despise the girl, could he? "I won't say anything." The one constant Sam knew was his father's ability to hold a grudge.

Dawn pulled a chair close to Dean's bedside. "Hey, Dean," she spoke just above a whisper. "This isn't the way I pictured seeing you again. And I'm really sorry it's been so long since we've talked. But, I'm really glad you still think of me as your sister. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. I'm going to be here for you and for Sam as long as you need me because you taught me that's what family does."

For the millionth time she remembered Dean leaving and she cursed the spell that prevented her from telling him her sister was alive.

* * *

  
 **Sunnydale, 2001**

 _Dawn was on the floor of her room, listening through the vent, to the heated conversation below._

 _"You can't do this to her, Dean," Sam pleaded. "She's been through enough."_

 _"That's my point exactly. Her mom's dead, her sister's – gone. I can't abandon her, too." Even through the vent Dawn could hear the pain in Dean's voice._

 _"Do you seriously think dragging her around the country with us is the best thing for her? I love her, too, Dean, but we've got to do what's best for Dawn."_

 _"Dean, Sam's right. Dragging her away from everything and everyone she knows isn't a good idea, and you know it," Xander spoke calmly, hoping not to upset Dean, this was the most the other man had said in the past month._

 _"I can't just leave her."_

 _"No one wants you to," Tara said gently._

 _Dean finally raised his eyes to meet those of the others in the room. They all loved Buffy and Dawn, too. "I can't stay." His voice cracked as he replied._

 _Willow spoke up finally, "Dean, Buffy would want you to keep fighting, to keep looking for whatever killed your mother."_

 _"Buffy would want me to look after Dawn."_

 _Xander quietly said, "We'll be here to look after Dawn."_

 _Tara walked over to Dean and took his hands in hers. "Dean, you need to do what's best for you, now. We will still be your family and this will still be your home. Dawn knows that."_

 _Joining Tara, Willow put an arm around Dean and her head on his shoulder. "Dawn knows you love her, but she wouldn't want you to forget about your family."_

 _"We'll handle things here and you come back as often as you can," Xander added._

 _From across the room, Dawn whispered, "Dean?"_

 _"Dawn." Dean's voice quiet again as he broke from the others to cross the room. He could see the tears just below the surface and he dragged his hands from her shoulders to her arms. "You okay, Sweetheart?"_

 _"Yeah," she nodded then she shook her head. "No, but they're right. You have to go and it's okay, I get it."_

 _"Dawn," his voice a broken whisper._

 _"Promise you'll come home when you can." Dean's only response was to release her arms and study a spot on the floor. Dawn threw her arms around him in a tight embrace and whispered, "I'll always be your little sister. Nothing will ever change that."_

 _Dean closed his eyes and hugged her just as tightly and whispered, "Promise you'll never forget it."_

* * *

  
Dean looked down at his hand. He couldn't feel Dawn's touch the way he had felt Buffy's and it frightened him. If that had been Buffy holding his hand earlier, why could he feel her and not Dawn? If he didn't imagine her, what was Buffy? A ghost? A reaper? An angel? Dean dismissed each one. The only reaper Dean had ever seen was an old ugly man. And angels? Angels didn't exist.

That left ghost, but that was impossible. Sam and his dad had placed wards all around her casket and grave site. A ghost haunts a locale and Sunnydale was blown off the map.

Dean's mind began to form a frightening conclusion, one he wasn't completely ready to accept. Had Buffy become a demon when she defeated Glory and jumped into that portal?

* * *

  
a few lines of dialogue were taken from SPN 2.1

flashbacks based on season 6 Buffy


	3. Chapter Two

Portions of this chapter are based on season 4 Buffy episodes _Living Conditions_ and _Fear Itself_.

* * *

  
Dawn hadn't given Buffy much time to think before they had hopped the plane to South Dakota or Buffy was sure she would have thought to bring Willow. Willow would be able to heal Dean; they could have worked out how to avoid John Winchester. If they had to, they could avoid being discovered by all the Winchesters.

Nearly giddy with excitement, Buffy dug through her bag for her cell phone. As she began to dial, a nurse interrupted her. "I'm sorry but you can't use that in the building. It can interfere with our equipment. You can make your call outside."

"Right, of course," Buffy nodded, too happy with her plan to let a hospital regulation stop her from smiling. As she rode the elevator to the ground floor, Buffy swallowed a surprised laugh. Celine Dion's cover of _I Drove All Night_ was playing; it had to be a sign.

Every time Buffy heard Celine's voice it reminded her how Dean had been the only one to believe that her college roommate, Kathy, was evil.

 _ **UC Sunnydale -September 1999**_

 _Dean bounced back on Buffy's tiny dorm room bed, tucked his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. "Hey, there's still work to be done, mister!" Buffy teased as she slapped his leg before returning to the box she was unpacking._

 _"I am working."_

 _"Really? 'Cause is sure looks like resting to me."_

 _Dean cracked open an eye. "I 'm researching the bed, seeing if it's sturdy enough for us. You can be quite demanding." He sat up and shook the frame. "Gotta say, it's a bit small, but I think we can make it work."_

 _"Dean!"_

 _"What?" His face covered in a teasing grin. "If you're going to crack the frame during our christening of the room, I've got to figure out a way to reinforce it."_

 _Buffy was sure she couldn't turn a brighter shade of red, but she was also well aware that had been Dean's intention. "Dean, I'm going to have a roommate."_

 _"I know and it's up to you if you want her watch. I'm sure you could teach her a thing or two. I know you've got me reading books on the side just to keep up."_

 _"Dean!"_

 _His only response was to pull her onto the bed with him. He held her close and kissed her until the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted them. "Buffy, stop attacking me," he whined convincingly as he sat up. "We'll never get you unpacked if you can't keep your hands to yourself." Then he faced the throat clearer at the door. "You'll have to excuse Buffy, she's very excited about college."_

 _"I see," the other girl said as she put a box on the other side of the room. "I'm Kathy, I guess we're roomies." The girl plastered a fake smile on her face._

 _"Nice to meet you, Kathy. I'm Buffy and this is -"_

 _"I'm Dean, Buffy's study buddy for Science 105," Dean said ignoring Buffy's quizzical expression and holding out his hand to shake Kathy's. "Buffy, why don't we go grab a pizza and let Kathy get settled?"_

 _Buffy hesitated, she felt she should at least try to become friends with her roommate. "Um," she mumbled but Dean tugged at her hand and she followed him out of the room._

 _"Well, it looks like we'll be spending time in my motel room when I'm in town, instead of your dorm," Dean said twining their fingers together as they walked._

 _"Why do you say that?" Buffy asked with genuine curiosity. "You didn't even try to get to know Kathy."_

 _"Did you see her CD collection? It was Cher and Celine Dion."_

 _"Says the guy who only listens to the same five bands continuously."_

 _Dean chuckled, "I could argue and tell you that I listen to only the best of the best five bands, and that five is better than two, but I know you'll see my point after listening to her diva collection. After a week of that, you'll see she's evil, call me and beg me to come back and put her down." Buffy could only shake her head at his logic._

 _Outside Stevenson Hall, Willow and Oz were waiting for them. "Hey, Wills, you all moved in?"_

 _"Yep, you?"_

 _"Pretty much. Roommate arrived and Dean doesn't approve of her taste in music."_

 _"Cher and Celine." Dean said to answer Oz's unasked question._

 _Oz shuddered. "Eardrums bleed at the thought."_

 _"What was that bit about Science 105 that you said to her?" Buffy asked Dean, but Willow answered._

 _"Science 105 is Human Sexuality. Did you sign up for that, Buff? I hear it's pretty, uh, intense." Willow was blushing a bright red._

 _Buffy slapped his arm and glared at a grinning Dean who replied, "Told you I had to study on the side."_

 __

*****222*****

 _A week later, Buffy called Dean to tell him of a nightmare she's had. A demon was holding her down, pouring blood in her mouth, putting a scorpion on her bare skin and drawing a light out of Buffy's mouth and into it's own. "And when I woke up, Kathy was staring at me." Dean didn't say anything for a minute which annoyed Buffy. Why wasn't anyone taking this Kathy threat seriously? "Did I tell you about her OCD labeling of the food?"_

 _"Yes, a couple of times now," Dean replied still sounding like he wasn't listening but suddenly his tone changed. "Buffy, can you stay somewhere else for a few days?"_

 _"Why?"_

 _"This stuff with Kathy. I don't think your dorm room is safe."_

 _Buffy scoffed, "Dean."_

 _"Babe, I know you can handle anything, but if she's doing something while you sleep, what chance have you got?"_

 _"Uh, I," Buffy stammered. Finally, someone was taking her side._

 _"Did you put salt down? What does Giles say?"_

 _"Yes, but Kathy vacuumed it up. And Giles thinks I'm not adjusting to dorm life."_

 _Dean sighed. "Buffy, please, find somewhere else to stay or go home for a few days. If she is a demon and doing something to you in your sleep, you're not safe there." Buffy was touched by how worried Dean sounded. "I'm gonna call Pastor Jim and ask him about it. Maybe he can figure out your dream."_

 __

*****222*****

 _Another week had gone by and Buffy called Dean from her dorm room to tell him that Kathy had been a soul sucking demon. "Babe, it was obvious when we met her. Celine Dion sucks the soul out of people."_

 _"And you were right. Why did I ever doubt you?"_

 _"I don't know. College doesn't teach a person everything. Did you get a new roommate?"_

 _"Yep, Willow."_

 _"Oh." Dean didn't mask his disappointment._

 _"What's wrong with Willow?"_

 _"Nothing," he sighed. "I was just hoping you wouldn't get a room mate right away so that I could stay with you when I'm in town."_

 _There was a knocking at her door. She continued talking as she got up to answer it. "Oh, and will you be in town anytime soon?" Buffy asked hopefully as she pulled the door open and gasped at finding him standing there._

 _"Maybe," Dean replied with a wide smile. A very stunned Buffy barely hung up the phone before wrapping herself around him._

 **Shiloh -2004**

A pained John Winchester listened intently as Sam listed Dean's injuries. "Dad, if the doctor's won't do anything we will. I'll find some hoo doo priest to lay some mojo on him," Sam said wondering where he had heard that before.

John cursed himself. He knew exactly who he could go to to save Dean, but he had burned that bridge long ago. The slayer and her witch would never help him. He had to think of something else. "We'll look for someone," John muttered. "Where's the Colt?"

"Dean is dying and you want to know about the Colt?"

"We're hunting this demon and the demon may be hunting us. The Colt may be our only card."

Sam swallowed his anger. "It's in the trunk. The car was towed to a lot off the expressway. Bobby's about an hour away. He's going to meet me and tow the car back to his place."

"You better get going then. I don't want some junk man getting a look at what's inside that trunk." John shuffled around and pulled a piece of paper from the side table. "Here, give this to Bobby."

"What is it?"

"A list of things I need for a protection spell."

Sam nodded, but paused before he left the room. "Dad, the demon said it had plans or me and children like me. Do you know what it was talking about?"

John shook his head. "No, Sam, I don't." He looked Sam square in the eye. "Be careful, out there, kid."

"What aren't you saying, Dad?" Dean asked as Sam left the room. "You sure as hell know something."

*****222*****

Buffy listened to her best friend tell her that magic couldn't be used to heal Dean. Willow didn't want to hurt Buffy, but she knew magic didn't work that way. "I can take the silence spell off, if you'd like," Willow offered.

"Yeah. It doesn't matter anymore. I've already been to see Dean." Buffy's quiet voice belied her fears. "Willow, I don't think he's going..." she choked back tears.

"Stop that, Buffy. Dean's strong, he's a fighter. I'll look into whatever I can do for him. I promise." She gave Buffy a moment to control herself. "When he wakes up, the two of you will have plenty of time to work things out."

*****222*****

John sat in a wheelchair next to Dean. How could he have done this to him? John racked his brain trying to think of a way to save his son. Dean deserved better than this.

Dean walked around his room. "Come on, Dad. You've gotta help me. I've gotta get better, I've gotta get back in there. Aren't you going to do anything? Aren't you even going to say anything?" Dean stood before his father and pleaded, "I've done everything you've ever asked me. Everything. I have given everything I've ever had. And you're just going to sit there and watch me die? I mean, what the hell kind of father are you?"

In the doorway, stood Buffy watching John, waiting for him to leave. For a moment, she debated entering the room and letting him know she was there, but figured he wouldn't want her to be there. She took a step back when suddenly she felt something cold rush passed her.

Dean turned to the door. "Did you hear that?" John didn't move. "I'll take that to mean no." Dean rushed into the hallway and his spirit crashed through Buffy giving him what felt like an electric shock. In surprise, he turned to see Buffy shudder. "Buffy! You're here again."

"Dean?" Buffy whispered.

Delighted, Dean asked, "You can hear me?"

Instead of answering, Buffy looked around and then to his room.

"Of course you can't." Dean sighed in disappointment as he realized she wasn't able to see or hear him. Seeing that she was looking into his room he said, "You probably shouldn't go in there. My dad's there, and well, I'm sure seeing you wouldn't go over well."

A white shimmering being drifted out of a room at the far end of the hall. It stopped in the hall and faced Dean. For a moment Dean was mesmerized by its focus on him, then he chased after it. When he got to the room the being had left, Dean heard the doctor say, "I'll inform the family." He watched as the staff removed the lines and machines from the patient. The man had died and Dean was certain that whatever that being was, had killed him.

*****222*****

Bobby Singer dragged a hand through his hair then replaced his trucker hat. "Sam, there is nothing to save. The frame's twisted like a pretzel. The best we can do is sell it for scrap."

"No. Dean will kill me if we do that. When he gets better, he going to want to fix her."

Bobby saw through what Sam was trying to say. "Yeah, of course kid. I'll tow her. Make sure you grab everything you need out of it, first."

As they spoke, Dawn gathered what she could from the trunk to transfer to her rental car. Tugging at a duffel, she upended a battered shoebox spilling its contents. She put the duffel in the rental and returned to clean up the mess she'd made, but when she saw what she had uncovered, she gasped.

"Dawn, what is it?" Sam asked as he hurried to her side.

"This," she replied pointing to the box. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was just getting a duffel bag and this opened up."

"It's okay, Dawn," Sam said looking down at the dozens of pictures and letters that were scattered in the trunk. His own smile greeted him on several pictures. There were several others of Dawn, of Buffy, and of all of them together.

It saddened Sam to think that Dean's whole life fit inside a shoebox. He knew his brother wouldn't want them going through his memories, but there they were, laid out for them to see.

Bobby picked up a picture of Buffy and Dean at prom. "I remember this," he said smiling fondly. "She had just killed a hell hound."

"Where is this from?" Dawn asked holding up a picture of Dean, Sam and Buffy by a Christmas tree.

"Pittsburgh. When Dad got hurt and she came out to visit." Sam tried to keep emotion from his voice but he heard it crack. He looked with disbelief at a picture of Buffy dressed as little red riding hood and his brother also in costume. "I don't remember this. When did Dean ever dress up for Halloween?"

*****222*****

 _ **Halloween 1999 -Sunnydale, California**_

 _"Hey, Little Red, what's in the basket?" Dean asked as he wrapped an arm around Buffy and kissed her cheek._

 _"Weapons," She answered plainly, pulling back from him. "Where's your costume? You promised!" Dean groaned. "It's a hat and jacket, Dean. Please," she whined._

 _He plopped the hat on his head and tugged on the leather jacket. "Fine. At least I'll be cool if the costumes turn real, again." He looked over at Buffy who was looking back at him with more than just approval of his costume choice._

 _"You look good," she replied hoping her voice didn't give away how hot she found her boyfriend in his costume. Too late, she saw Dean smirking. "We should get going. We're supposed to meet Xander and -"_

 _Dean pulled Buffy up against him and backed her against a wall. "We can be late." He smiled into her neck as he kissed her. "Didn't know you had a thing for Indiana Jones."_

 _"Didn't know you'd look so unh-" Buffy gasped as Dean's fingers began to inch up her skirt. "Stop! Stop. We have to go now or we won't go at all." Dean was about to protest, but she continued, "We will have time for that later, I promise."_

 __

*****222*****

 _Willow and Oz were waiting in front of the Alpha Delta Fraternity house. "Hey, medieval Will, nice costume," Xander said as he joined them. "Just who are you exactly?"_

 _"Joan of Arc. I figured we have a lot in common since I was nearly burned at the stake and she had that close personal relationship with God."_

 _"Cute," Dean said then asked, "Where's your costume, Oz?"_

 _Oz opened his jacket to reveal a name tag reading "God"._

 _"Of course," Xander and Dean said in unison. "Well, we're totally covered if the costumes become real again," Xander added._

 _"Really, what are you? Head waiter guy?" Buffy teased._

 _"Ha! No, I'm Bond, James Bond." Xander gave her his most charming look. "Should we go in or wait for Anya? She said she was having trouble with her costume." He whispered to Dean, "She's dressing as a bunny." Both guys instantly assumed Playboy bunny._

 _"Nice," Dean whispered back._

 _Buffy grabbed Dean's hand. "Let's wait inside where there's frosty beverages and various chips and dips."_

 _"Well, we've got our own chains and whips so it's definitely a party," Oz joked._

 _Screams could be heard from inside the house and seeing Dean and Buffy tense, Oz turned to his friends. "There's a haunted house guests have to get through before getting to the party."_

 _Once inside they found themselves alone. "I don't like this," Dean said quietly._

 _"Yeah, my spidey sense is totally tingling," Buffy whispered back._

 _"Speaking of 'spidey'," Oz smirked as he went to brush a rubber spider off Willow. The group jumped in surprise when the spider turned real upon hitting the floor._

 _"Not cool!" Xander said dancing away from the fallen spider as Buffy squished it under her shoe._

 _A muted hissing noise was coming from another room. "Do you guys hear that? It sounds like hissing." Willow walked towards the noise._

 _"Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes?" Dean joked, but Buffy reproached him with a look. When they opened the door, however, the room was filled with live, slithering snakes. Dean slammed the door shut. "This town was much cooler when the costumes became real instead of the decorations."_

 _Screams and shouts of "help me!" were heard, but no one else seemed to be in the house. The group hurried back to the main hall, but the front door seemed to have disappeared._

 _"What is going on here?" Xander asked. "I really don't like the looks of things."_

 _"You guys stay here. I'm gonna go check out the other rooms," Buffy ordered._

 _"What?" Dean grabbed her arm. "You're not going anywhere alone."_

 _Buffy pulled her arm free. "Dean, I'm the slayer. It's my job to stop whatever this is."_

 _"Why don't we get out of here? Go see Giles, get an idea of what could be causing this," Willow suggested._

 _"You go do the research. I'll stay here and do the slaying." Buffy rifled through her 'goody' basket for a weapon._

 _"Who the hell died and made you Queen Buffy?" Dean demanded snidely. "We all go, or we all stay."_

 _"Since when are you the boss?" Buffy asked shoving Dean slightly but still with enough force to push him into the wall._

 _"That's enough, both of you," Xander said, butting between them. "We can't figure out what's going on if we're fighting."_

 _"I can do a spell," Willow began._

 _"No. No witchcraft. Things are bad enough already," Dean said before Willow could even finish._

 _"Yeah, Willow, you're spells only work fifty percent of the time," Buffy said then turned to Dean, "but you shouldn't boss her around."_

 _"I'm not bossing her. Witchcraft is just dangerous and we're already dealing with something pretty damn bad."_

 _"I'm not some kid either of you can boss around."_

 _"What does the spell entail?" Oz asked trying to be supportive even though he didn't like Willow doing witchcraft._

 _Willow turned her back on Buffy and Dean. "It's a simple incantation. It guides lost travelers to their destination. We can use it to lead us to whatever is causing this." She sat in a chair a few feet away and began to meditate._

 _Dean rolled his eyes, but decided he should just go along with it. "Xander, Oz, why don't you guys see if you can get to Giles, while we try to work it from this end."_

 _Oz was about to argue, but then he realized Xander wasn't with them. "Where is Xander?"_

 _Buffy and Dean looked around wildly, but Xander said, "Funny Oz, I'm right here."_

 _"Dammit, Xander! Now is not the time to take off," Dean complained. "Xander!" he called stepping away from the group and towards the end of the hall._

 _"You always think you're in charge," Buffy muttered and walked the other way. "Xander?"_

 _Xander waved a hand before Buffy's face. "Buff? I'm right here. Can't you see me? Can't you hear me?"_

 _Deciding to let Buffy and Dean work out their own drama, Oz went back to Willow. "Anything, yet?"_

 _She shook her head. "No, but I'm close."_

 _Oz felt itchy, and when he looked at his hands, his biggest fear was realized; he was turning. It wasn't the full moon, but that didn't seem to slow it down. "Willow," Oz whispered, "I'm changing. Get me away from them."_

 _Willow nodded and quickly led her boyfriend to bathroom. "Why is this happening? It's not the full moon."_

 _"I don't know, but maybe it's whatever is making the decorations change. Just get out and lock the door!"_

 __

*****222*****

 _Going back to the main hall, Dean was annoyed to find himself alone. "Are you freakin' serious?" He stalked off in the direction of the snake room._

 _Buffy returned to the main hall and found it empty. "Typical," she muttered. Seeing an open door, she crept forward carefully. She pushed it open cautiously, readying her stake. But nothing could have prepared her for what was in the room: Spike was pinning Dean's arms to his sides while Angel drained him._

 _Willow fell into the chair nearly exhausted from meditating. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to be working. No tiny guiding lights were showing up to help them. She was about to give up and admit that Buffy was right when two tiny floating lights began to buzz around her head. "Hi. Aren't you guys cute? Can you show me what is causing all this trouble?" The two lights bobbed up and down then floated down the hall. Willow grinned and followed. "Buffy, the spell, it's working!" Willow turned the corner and found herself surrounded by millions of swarming lights._

 _In the bathroom, Oz was barely holding on; his wolf side seemed to grow stronger and stronger. He couldn't fight it, he was going to change completely._

 __

*****222*****

 _Inside the room that had previously been filled with snakes, Dean found himself alone except for one other person. The man's back was to him and he seemed to take no notice of Dean. "Hey, excuse me," Dean called out, "have you seen a girl dressed as Little Red Riding Hood?"_

 _"Yes." The man turned around to face Dean, but pointed at the wall behind the hunter. Dean turned and saw Buffy held to the wall by an invisible force. Her own hands clawing at the unseen hands holding her neck. "We've been waiting for you, Dean."_

 _"Buffy!" Dean rushed to Buffy's aid but was flung across the room. "Let her go!" Dean demanded._

 _"Now why would I do that when you so nicely delivered her to me?" The man's eyes glowed yellow and he laughed as he pointed to Buffy and she began slide up the wall towards the ceiling_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
"Angel! Stop!" Buffy shouted as she rushed to him. Spike released Dean and the hunter fell to the ground unconscious._

 _Angel morphed to his human form. "What's wrong, Buffy? He'll be fine. I only took a little." He smiled as Buffy came closer. "Besides, it's not me you have to worry about." He motioned with his hand and Buffy found herself in Drusilla's steel grip. "Spike's the one who's going to change him."_

 _Buffy gasped and struggled against Drusilla's hold as she watched Spike's fang cut his wrist and his blood drip into Dean's mouth. "No, Dean!"_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
The yellow eyed demon cackled as Dean watched Buffy being dragged to the ceiling. "Stop! Leave her alone!" Dean gritted out from where he was trapped on the floor._

 _"Come on now, Dean. This is happening because of you. If you had no interest in the girl, I would never have been able to find her."_

 _Dean closed his eyes. "This isn't real. You're not real. This isn't happening." He told himself. Dean opened his eyes again when he heard Buffy call his name. Her panicked eyes locked onto his._

 _"Not real?" the demon asked then drew a line in the air with his finger. On the ceiling, Buffy screamed in pain as a bloody line appeared across her abdomen and her blood began to drip on the floor. The demon laughed, "Sounds real to me." He walked over to the small puddle of blood that was forming on the floor and dipped a finger in it. Sucking the blood off his finger the demon grinned. "Tastes real. I know, let's start the fire and she if she smells like your mother did when I took her. Maybe that will make it real enough for you."_

 _Buffy's scream drowned out Dean's panicked, "No!"_

 __

*****222*****

 _Dean looked at Buffy as Spike held him back. "Slayer, it seems our boy here is hungry," Spike gloated and Dean tried to pull free._

 _"No, Dean. Don't. I can help you," Buffy pleaded._

 _"Help him? Haven't you done enough?" Drusilla hissed into her ear. "It's your fault this is happening."_

 _Angel laughed and Buffy saw that he was actually Angelus again. "Buffy, baby, don't worry, you will help. You will make him so strong. He will drain you of all your slayer blood and then we will set him loose on the other party guests."_

 _Angel grabbed Buffy by her hair and forced her to expose her neck to Dean and the hunter morphed into a vampire. Drusilla held tighter to Buffy's arms. "Then we can call Daddy and have the hunter see what you did to his son."_

 _"It seems that sleeping with you is a death sentence," Spike said with a gleam in his eye._

 __

*****222*****

 _Outside the frat house, Anya and Giles fought to gain entrance. Finding no door, Giles raised an ax and hacked his way through the wall. Once the house had been breached, the visions shimmered._

 _Willow was able to shake off the swarming lights._

 _Oz began to regain control of the wolf and fought against the urge to change._

 _Xander opened a door to find a boy cowering and shaking. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry," the boy repeated._

 _Xander sighed, "It's okay, man. We'll get you out of here. Just as soon as Buffy figures out what's going on."_

 _The boy looked up at him gratefully. "Really? I'm going to be okay?"_

 _Xander blinked, "You can see me?"_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
Dean struggled against the hold on him. "Let her go!"_

 _"Whatever you say, Dean. I'll return your girlfriend, as good as new if you tell me where baby brother is."_

 _It was if a switch inside Dean was flipped. He suddenly knew for certain that this wasn't real, that the demon didn't have Buffy. He struggled to push himself up against the wall. "You're not real and this is not happening."_

 _The demon hissed but before it could speak, Dean was walking passed him and towards the door. "A piece of shit demon like you could never take Buffy." Dean closed his eyes to the visions of Buffy being killed and left the room._

 __

* * *

  
 _  
Whatever caused the visions to shimmer allowed Buffy to see through hers also. Using Drusilla for support, Buffy kicked vampire Dean in the groin. When he doubled over, she kneed him in the face. She took a stake from her basket and dusted Spike, Drusilla and Angelus. She hovered over Dean for a moment, unwilling to destroy him if he was indeed her boyfriend. "You will stay down if you know what's good for you," Buffy ordered before walking to the door._

 __

* * *

  
 _  
Once in the hallway, Buffy saw Giles, Anya and Xander talking with a guy she recognized from school. "Giles, when did you get here?"_

 _Before Giles could answer, Dean called her name. "Buffy?"_

 _"Dean?" Buffy turned to find herself wrapped in his arms._

 _"You're okay." It wasn't a question. Dean knew it was a fact as he held her and felt her relax against him._

 _"You?" she asked softly._

 _"I am now." He took her face in his hands and kissed her. "Sorry about before."_

 _Buffy looked into his eyes and saw that he meant much more than he was saying. She took a moment to just stare, when she felt sure that she was seeing Dean, the real Dean, she turned to Giles. "Okay, what's the sitch?"_

 _Giles pushed his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "Well it appears that Chaz here wanted an authentic Halloween and conjured a spirit."_

 _"Can we get rid of it?" Buffy asked. "Chaz?"_

 _The boy nodded but seemed too upset to speak. Anya grabbed his collar. "Listen, dweeb, you upset my boyfriend and ruined my date. Now tell me where you painted the sigil or else."_

 _Dean was about to step forward but Buffy grabbed his arm. She knew Anya couldn't actually hurt the boy. "Upstairs," Chaz squeaked, "on the floor of my room."_

 _Giles led the others up the stairs and into darkened hall. Suddenly, he turned around looking panicked. "Which room is it?"_

 _"Wild guess," Buffy said calmly, "the one with 'CHAZ' on the door." She pushed the door marked 'CHAZ' and there on the floor was a design drawn in what she hoped was red paint._

 _Giles bent down and scraped away the paint. "There, that should take care of things."_

 _Anya hugged Xander. "I'm so glad you weren't hurt."_

 _Xander smiled, but asked, "Why are you in a furry rabbit costume?"_

 _"You said it was going to be a scary Halloween party. Bunnies are the scariest things ever."_

 _Xander looked at Dean and shrugged._

 _The gang decided to devour Giles' candy stash instead of staying at the party. For reasons that weren't completely clear to her, Dean stayed glued to Buffy's side for the rest of the night. She didn't mind at all. Feeling him warm and alive next to her was all Buffy needed to calm her._

* * *

  
 **Shiloh-2004**

Sam was half way to the hospital when he slammed his hand on Dawn's rental's steering wheel. "Damn, I forgot to give Bobby Dad's list."

Startled by his outburst, Dawn asked, "List, what list?"

Sam dug in his jacket pocket and withdrew a folded sheet of paper. "It's some stuff he wanted for a protection spell."

Dawn read over the list, gave Sam an incredulous look and snorted.

"What?"

Dawn wrinkled her nose wondering if she should tell Sam the truth about the list or figure a way to use it against John Winchester.

"Dawn, what is it? Do you know where to get that stuff?"

"Yeah, I can get these things, Sam. But this stuff isn't what you use to ward off a demon, it's what you use to summon one."


	4. Chapter 3

Most of this chapter is a flashback to season 4 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It references episode This Year's Girl. I took liberties with the dynamic of Riley and Buffy's relationship.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Shiloh County Hospital- 2004**

Buffy stood at the window in Dean's hospital room, looking out, but not really noticing anything that was happening on the other side of the pane. Her thoughts were consumed by the man laying in the bed only a few feet from her. She was certain she had felt something in the hall, something that reminded her so strongly of Dean that if she turned around she'd find him standing there.

Buffy faced the bed. "Can you hear me?" she asked in a voice just above a whisper. "I thought maybe –." Walking to the edge of the bed, she shook his leg and spoke up. "Hey, Dean, wake up. Come on, wake up, you stubborn ass. Wake up and fight with me. I know you've got to be angry with me, so come on, Dean wake up and yell at me."

Dean leaned against the wall, staring at her. "Why would I be angry, Buffy? You're not real. I'm pretty sure you're a drug induced hallucination. I mean, look at that guy." He nodded towards his body in the bed. "He's so messed up he could be imagining anything, even you." He looked back at Buffy and felt a small smile form. "You look tired, princess. Aren't you getting any rest in the afterlife?"

Buffy sighed resignedly. She tugged at the charm on her necklace.

After a few minutes of studying her, Dean came to a conclusion. "You know, I get it now, why I can see you, why I can feel you," Dean said softly as small smile formed. "It's like that movie line you used to say. How'd it go?" Dean approached her, aching to comfort her. "'Death doesn't stop true love; only delays it for a while.'" He looked at his body laying in the hospital bed. He watched the lights on the monitor. "Is that why you're here, to take me to where ever we go next?" he asked turning to Buffy. "Do I have to decide where I want to be? With you or with Sam and my dad?"

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Sunnydale, November, 1999**

 _Dean didn't put much stock in college or college students, but one thing they did know was how to throw a party. The past few days were painful for Dean; first there had been Halloween and the fear of losing Buffy at the hands of the demon, and then there was the anniversary of his mother's death. This was the first year he had spent it away from Sam. When Buffy told him about a mid week party at Lowell House to celebrate the end of midterms, Dean was grateful for the distraction._

 _"You two have a lot of sex, don't you," Anya said to Buffy and Dean as she and Xander joined them. Both Buffy and Dean glared at Xander in response. "Well, you do, it's obvious. Buffy's in a much better mood than before Dean arrived and Dean looks quite satisfied, like a man that's recently had the hot and sweaty sex."_

 _"Anya, dear, we talked about this, remember? Some things are personal, private," Xander said quietly to his girlfriend._

 _Anya scoffed. "Oh, Xander, look at them. It's hardly a secret that they've been sexing it up."_

 _"Anya!" Buffy hissed._

 _Dean wiped his face. "Dude, make her stop."_

 _"Anya -"_

 _"Xander, I'm just saying maybe Dean could give you some tips. You know – for endurance. After all, he can keep up with the slayer" Anya whispered._

 _While Buffy turned beet red, Dean struggled not to laugh, and Xander groaned. "My stamina's fine."_

 _"I didn't say it wasn't, Pookie. I only said that I haven't had the crazy sweaty marathon sex in decades, but I want to and I want to have it with you," Anya whined. "Apparently, they do and as your friends, they should offer their help."_

 _"On that note, we'll be getting more drinks," Buffy said as she grabbed Dean's arm and led him away from the other couple._

 _As they walked away they heard Anya ask, "Is alcohol important for the sweaty -"_

 _Dean held Buffy close to his side, kissed her temple and whispered, "Anya's right. I am happy and satisfied."_

 _Buffy blushed, but was too content herself to feel embarrassed. She was so in love with Dean that the past few days had felt like a private slice of heaven just for them. She was beginning to wonder how she'd get along without him when he left at the end of the week._

 _As they pushed passed a group of students, a girl touched Dean's arm. "Dean?"_

 _Dean turned to the girl but didn't recognize her. "Yeah?"_

 _"Ohmigod, it is you! Dean!" she squealed and attempted to put her arms around him. "I didn't know you went to school here."_

 _"I don't," Dean answered, without releasing Buffy's hand. He looked at his girlfriend in confusion, before facing the girl. "I'm sorry but I don't -"_

 _The girl pulled out of her embrace, surprised that Dean hadn't returned it. "You don't remember me?" the girl asked in apparent disbelief._

 _"If I had a dollar for every girl that – ," Dean wisely stopped talking as Buffy pulled away from him. "Buffy," he called after her, but she gave him a tight smile and continued to the makeshift bar. He frowned and faced the girl. "I'm here visiting my girlfriend. It was nice to see you but I gotta go."_

 _He caught up to Buffy and put his arm around her. "You have a girl in every port, don't you?" Buffy teased hoping it didn't sound like she was accusing him of anything._

 _Dean didn't take the bait. Instead, he leaned in for a kiss. "You know you're my only girl." Buffy could see the honesty in his eyes and it made her heart beat quicker. She felt so lucky that he loved her as much as she loved him._

 _"Doesn't remember me, huh? Well, I'll make it so he never forgets me," the girl muttered under her breath as she stalked away._

 _From across the room, Anya noticed a snap of ozone and she immediately became concerned. Someone had arrived. Her search ended with the girl from Dean's past and the tall woman by her side. Anya hurried over hoping she could prevent a tragedy. A demon shouldn't work at a party attended by the slayer._

 _"Marissa, what an unwelcome surprise. What are you doing here?" Anya kept her voice low as she looked around to determine the demon's target._

 _"Anyanka, I heard you went native. Why don't you run along and stay out of my way, I'm working." The demon Marissa turned to the blond from Dean's past. "Go on, dear, you're doing so well."_

 _The girl glared at Dean. "And pain. I want him to feel physical pain, too."_

 _"Done. Anything else?"_

 _Anya gasped when she realized the victim of the curse. "Marissa, don't do this. He's a hunter. She's the slayer. When they find out who was behind this, they won't hesitate to kill you."_

 _"They won't find out. I'm not sloppy like you," the demon retorted. "What else, dear, make it good."_

 _"You can't," Anya interrupted again. "They're soul mates" Anya blurted and prayed the warning would be enough. Interfering with soul mates was prohibited unless D'Hoffryn ordered it._

 _The blond girl turned to the demon. "Good. I hope they are, that will make it all the more painful. Bind their souls together. They can't have happiness together and they can't find it with another."_

 _"As you desire, so it is done," the demon Marissa said with a gleaming eyes. "Now for my payment," the demon began._

 _"D'Hoffryn will be furious when he hears about this," Anya warned._

 _"Then, he can't hear about it. Anyanka you are hereby forbidden to ever broach the subject of this curse."_

 _Anya sulked away, astounded by what had just happened, but she could see no way to stop it and no way to help. All she could do was sit back and watch the destruction._

 _Destruction arrived in the form of Riley Finn._

 _The teaching assistant smiled when he saw one of his favorite students arrive at the bar. "Buffy, glad you could make it. Are you having a good time?"_

 _"Yeah, Riley, thanks for inviting us. Riley Finn, this is my boyfriend, Dean," Buffy said turning to Dean. "Dean this is Riley, my psych T.A."_

 _"Nice to finally meet you, Dean. I've heard a lot about you," Riley said with a welcoming smile and his hand out to shake._

 _Dean looked the other man over and ignored the proffered hand. "Wish I could say the same," he countered and walked away._

 _Puzzled by Dean's behavior, Buffy made an excuse and followed him. "What was that about?" she demanded, grabbing Dean's arm and forcing him to face her._

 _Dean's chest clenched when his eyes met hers, but he didn't let that stop him. "Why did you bring me here? Did you just want me to see all the guys that want to sleep with you the moment I leave?"_

 _"What are you talking about?"_

 _"That Riley guy? More than just your T.A., isn't he? He's Mr. Normal all American guy you've always wanted."_

 _"What? No. And you're one to talk. Have we ever gone anywhere where there wasn't a girl you've slept with?"_

 _"Right, I forgot. You're perfect and you get to judge me for everything I've ever done, even if it's before we met."_

 _"I'm not perfect, but at least I don't have delusions of grandeur." Buffy walked out the door._

 _Dean chased after her. "Me? I have delusions?" He grabbed her arm to make her face him, but she pulled free. "I'm not the one wasting my life going to college."_

 _That forced Buffy's attention. "Wasting -"_

 _"Well how do you explain this stupid attempt at 'normal'? How is college preparing you for your future? You already have a job, a calling. How exactly does college prepare a slayer for her future? You gonna force art history on some demon and hope it stops killing people? Or maybe you can use what you learn in Psych 101 and talk them to death."_

 _"Oh, you would think getting an education is a waste of time. You'd rather con somebody out of their hard earned money than earn any yourself."_

 _As the fight escalated, Buffy's friends gathered hoping to stop them. Willow stepped closer. "Buffy, Dean, stop. What happened?"_

 _The two barely spared her a glance and in unison said, "Stay out of this, Willow."_

 _"At least I'm planning for my future, Dean. What is your future? What are you going to do once your dad has gotten his revenge? Where's your GED going to take you then?"_

 _"You don't have a future, Buffy. You're the slayer until you die."_

 _That was enough for Xander. He stepped up and grabbed Dean's arm. "Dean, stop, man." For the briefest moment, Xander saw panic in his friend's eyes._

 _But, once again, Dean pulled free and confronted Buffy. "You've blown off the Watcher's Council. You've blown off Giles. You're the one not taking your future seriously."_

 _Buffy's expression hardened and she stepped up to Dean. "The one thing I do know about my future: you're not in it." She shoved passed him and made for her dorm._

 _"Got that right," Dean muttered as he, too, stormed away._

 _The moment Dean had turned the corner, he fell to his knees and retched. Pain like he had never known seared through his body. All he wanted was to get to Buffy and beg forgiveness. He knew he didn't mean to say what he said, but he also knew that part of him meant what he said._

 _In her dorm, Buffy fumed and paced until Willow arrived. "Who does he think he is? I hate him."_

 _"No you don't. You two are just," Willow shrugged."You'll work it out."_

 _"No. Not this time. He always makes me feel so –ARGH!" Buffy yelled. "I tell him that I love him, but it's not enough. He just told me that he loved me and two seconds later, we're screaming at each other."_

 _"Call him," Willow suggested. "Call him and he'll come back and the two of you can talk and work things out. I can stay with Oz for a few days."_

 _"No. This time he crawls back to me or we're done for good. I'm tired of being the only one working at this relationship." Buffy tossed the framed picture of her and Dean into the bottom drawer of her desk and wiped her eyes. She wasn't going to cry over Dean Winchester ever again._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _For three months, every card, every letter, every gift had been returned or refused. Every call had been met with tones informing him that the number had been changed to an unpublished number. It was enough to make Dean give up. For three months he tried; he was convinced if he could talk with her, he and Buffy would work things out._

 _When Dean had finally worked up the nerve to drive to Sunnydale and see Buffy face to face, he found her walking hand in hand with Riley Finn. She was smiling and Riley seemed to be laughing at something she said. He followed them as they crossed the campus. When they entered the house Riley shared on campus, Dean felt himself shatter._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _The next month found the Winchesters in northern Wisconsin. Wealthy snowmobilers from Illinois had gone missing. Their families blamed the locals, the locals blamed liquor and lack of knowledge of the trails and lakes._

 _However, John Winchester and the elders of the Lac Du Flambeau tribe knew the truth: a wendigo was responsible for the disappearances._

 _The tribe welcomed John's help, but in order to hunt on their sacred land, John and Dean needed to under go a ritual cleansing. As they were about to begin, a tribe elder refused Dean's entrance to the sweat lodge claiming the boy was cursed._

 _"What? You're crazy, I am not cursed," Dean insisted, but his father wasn't coming to his defense._

 _"Maybe you are," Sam said. "You've been acting strangely since before Christmas."_

 _"Have not."_

 _"Have to. You haven't even been eating like you used to," Sam pointed out._

 _"This true?" John asked studying his eldest son._

 _"No." Dean glared at Sam. "I've been eating just fine."_

 _"Really?" Sam asked with a clear challenge in his voice. "When was the last time you had a cheeseburger? Or some pie?"_

 _John looked almost shocked, but Dean only shrugged. "How long has this been going on?" John demanded._

 _Before Dean could answer, the tribe elder pointed to him and spoke again. "The boy's soul's not right. Big chunk of it is missing. He can not hunt on our land."_

 _"What? You're wrong. I'm fine," Dean insisted again._

 _John shook his head, "Don't be disrespect the man, Dean. He's a shaman. If he says you're cursed, maybe we should listen to him and see what we can do to remove the curse." John turned to the holy man. "Can you help him? Can the curse be removed?"_

 _The old man squinted at Dean and slowly circled him. "Yes. But to regain the missing part of his soul, he must return to where he lost it."_

 _"Great. Didn't know it was missing, so I don't know where I lost it," Dean complained. He hoped his father was just humoring the old man._

 _"Sunnydale," Sam answered simply, almost laughing at his brother's expression when he said it. "You know I'm right. Think about it, where else could it be?"_

 _"No. Buffy might hate me, but she wouldn't curse me."_

 _"It didn't have to be Buffy, anyone could have cursed you."_

 _"Damn," Dean whined slumping against the wall._

 _The elder smiled at Sam. "I like you, you have a good head on your shoulders." Then he turned to Dean. "Come. I will give you what I can to help you reverse the spell. Then, you must go to this town where you lost the chunk of your soul, break the curse and get it back."_

 _"But I've been fine for this long, and the wendigo," Dean reminded them. "You're going to need my help."_

 _John seemed resolute. "No, Dean. You need to go take care of this. Sam and the La Fluer boy can help me."_

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _A few days later, Buffy, Willow and Xander discussed Adam and the initiative in Giles' apartment. A corpse of a demon had been discovered skinned and hanging in a tree. "You're sure this is the work of Adam?" Giles asked Willow._

 _Willow nodded. "Xander and I saw him leaving the scene."_

 _"We tried to follow," Xander added. "But, you know, wanted to stay alive more than we wanted to catch him."_

 _"Wise choice," Giles said before he turned to Buffy. "What does Riley say about all of this?"_

 _Buffy hadn't been paying that close attention to the conversation. She had been focusing on her hand, or more specifically the ring she wore. "Uh, Riley said the initiative is on high alert and looking for any leads. I told him that Willow and Xan saw the thing near the woods." She shuddered, "I can't wait for all this to be over. Riley and his wannabe GI-Joe-demon-hunters give me the willies."_

 _Giles gave her a condescending smile. "Yes, but by dating him you have been allowed on the inside. You have gained critical information."_

 _"And a lack of self respect," Buffy added. Seeing their reactions she joked, "There aren't enough showers in the world. I haven't gone that far with the guy. But I do feel pretty skeezy."_

 _"Riley's whole outfit is skeezy," Xander replied._

 _Just then Giles received a phone call informing him that Faith had come out of her coma and escaped from the hospital. When he told the others the news, Buffy and Willow collapsed onto his couch. "Just when I thought the day couldn't get any worse," Xander began. "Now what do we do? Follow up on crazy demon-hybrid or crazy demon-hunter?"_

 _Buffy rubbed her temples. "Both. Can't have either one loose on society. Giles, you better contact the council and find out what they want to do with Faith." She stood up. "Willow, Xander, if you guys see her, call me or Giles. If you guys see Adam -"_

 _"Run like hell?" Xander suggested._

 _"Sounds like another wise choice," Buffy agreed._

 _As Buffy and Willow walked back to their dorm, Willow noticed Buffy's nervous behavior and decided to ask, "Buffy, is there something else bothering you? You seemed kind of unfocused back there."_

 _"You don't think convincing Riley that I'm in love with him, finding and destroying Adam, and finding and capturing Faith is enough to distract me?" Buffy asked trying to sound like she was joking._

 _Willow shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But before we found out about Faith you weren't really with us."_

 _Buffy sighed and willed herself to be unemotional. "On my way to meet you guys, I thought I heard Dean's Impala," Buffy paused and shook her head. "I know it couldn't have been him, not after all this time, but, it shook me up a little."_

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _Dean stood in the Magic Shop staring at the shelves filled with herbs. He felt like he had been there for hours, but he still hadn't found the last few items on his list. He was so focused he didn't notice the girl who was browsing in the same aisle until she spoke. "Excuse me, um, do you need help finding something?"_

 _"No," Dean said sharply and turned away, like he was going to accept the help of a strange girl in Sunnydale._

 _"You sure?" she asked pleasantly. "It's just that you've been standing there for a while and I thought if you were looking for something, maybe I could help. This place isn't the best at keeping the shelves orderly."_

 _Dean studied her for a moment, not about to trust her, but he looked at his list and realized he had nothing to lose; he was already cursed. "Yeah, okay, I can't find these last things," he said as he pointed to his paper._

 _The girl read them and smiled. "The first two are easy." She pulled two packages from the shelf. "They were stocked under their Latin names not their common names." She handed him the packages and looked at the last item on his list. "And this is a mineral. You wouldn't find it over here at all."_

 _Dean followed her to another section of the shop where she scoured the shelves for a minute before finding what Dean needed. "Here it is." When she placed it in his basket, she examined the other contents more closely which caused her to pause. What she found was a dangerous combination. Unsure if she should interfere, yet worried what would happen if she didn't, the girl spoke up. "Uh, you've got some very powerful things here. Do you, uh, should you," she stammered._

 _Her concern made Dean relax. "Yeah, no problem. I may not be good at shopping, but I've got clear directions to follow. I'll be fine." He pulled out the paper from the tribal elder._

 _The girl took a quick look at the paper and became even more concerned. "Those are some powerful spells," she whispered. "Do you have someone to help you?"_

 _"I don't need any help," Dean said curtly as he folded up the paper and returned it to his pocket. The girl nodded and looked chastised, as Dean stepped around her and made his way to the register._

 _Outside the store the girl approached him again. "My name's Tara." She handed him a paper from her bag with her number scribbled on it. "My girlfriend is really good at this kind of stuff. If you change your mind, you can call us. We can help you," she offered with a smile._

 _Tara's smile seemed so innocent and sincere that Dean couldn't help but smile in return as he accepted her number. "M'name's Dean and thanks, Tara, but I should do this on my own. I wouldn't want anyone else to get whammied. And in case you hadn't noticed, Sunnydale's not the best place to be after dark."_

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _Faith stretched and cracked her neck as she watched Buffy and Willow enter Stevenson Hall. She tossed a small gold cube into the air and caught it. "Well, Buffy, buddy, once I get you alone, it's time for some payback."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Shiloh County Hospital- 2004**

Sam stormed into John's room. "Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

"What are you talking about?"

"That stuff you wanted from Bobby. It's used to summon a demon not for protection from one. You're planning on bringing the demon here, aren't you?"

"I have a plan, Sam."

"You have a plan? Dean is dying and you have a plan to face off with the demon." Sam didn't try to hide the indolence he felt. "You care more about your stupid revenge than you do about Dean."

Doctors and nurses rushed passed John's room and an alarm sounded drawing the attention of both Winchesters. "Something's going on, Sam," John said with a nod to the door.

Sam nodded and followed the hospital staff to his brother's room.

Dean's spirit kept it's eyes on Buffy as she stood pressed against the wall at the back of the room. She looked terrified as she watched the doctors and nurses work to revive him. "No, Dean, come on, fight!" she pleaded in a whisper.

Sam appeared in the doorway. His eyes flew from the hospital staff attending his brother to the flat line on the monitor. "Dean? No!" He gasped and watched helplessly as the doctor charged the defibrillator a second time.

Dean saw the tears in his brother's eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Sammy, I'm going to be fine. Buffy's here. We're finally going to be together. Wouldn't you want to be with Jess again, if you could?"


	5. Chapter 4

I took the Buffy episode Who are You (the body swap episode) and changed it quite a bit. I'm not a Riley hater, but I need him to be something Buffy doesn't want. Some dialogue was taken directly from Who are You and In my time of Dying. No infringement intended.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunnydale 2000

 _Faith always hated recognizance, she felt better suited for action. But, for the type of payback she desired, she didn't want to risk getting stopped by Willow the witch. So, Faith watched the dorm room and waited for Buffy to be alone. Willow finally left Buffy alone when a blonde girl arrived, givingFaith the opportunity she needed. She clutched her gift from the mayor, a mystical weapon in the form of a gold box, and approached Buffy's dorm room._

 _"Hey, are you a friend of Buffy's?"_

 _Faith turned and found herself face to chest with Riley. "Uh, not really. I was just going to borrow some ..."_

 _"Do you know if she's in?" Riley asked as he knocked on Buffy's door._

 _Faith sized him up. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure she's in there." She stepped to the side so that she could use him to shield herself if needed._

 _"Riley," Buffy said with a forced smile as she opened the door. "What a nice surprise."_

 _Riley leaned in for a quick hello kiss before turning to Faith. "Your friend, here, wanted to borrow something."_

 _Faith smiled maliciously, "B, long time no see." She shoved Riley into the room with enough force to make the man stumble into Buffy and knock the slayer backwards._

 _"Are you alright?" Buffy asked Riley, but Faith answered instead._

 _"Five-by-five. And ready for payback." Faith slammed shut the door._

 _"What's going on?" Riley demanded moving to stand next to Buffy._

 _"Stay out of this, Riley, she's dangerous."_

 _Faith smirked. "Yeah, stay out of this Riley. Wouldn't want to hurt that hot bod of yours while I kick Queen B's ass."_

 _Buffy braced herself. "It doesn't have to be like this."_

 _"Actually, I think it has to be exactly like this. You tried to gut me."_

 _"You'd have done the same to me if you'd had the chance."_

 _"Let's have another go at it. See who ends on top." With blinding quick speed, Faith sucker punched Riley and knocked him out._

 _"Innocent person, Faith," Buffy said through gritted teeth as she closed in on Faith._

 _"No such animal."_

 _Buffy scanned the room for a weapon that was in reach, but Riley's unconscious form was blocking them. "I guess it was too much to hope that you'd use your downtime to reflect and grow."_

 _"I could say the same about you," Faith snarled. "I mean, you're still the same better-than-everyone Buffy. I mean, I knew it somehow. I kept having this dream, I'm not sure what it means, but in the dream the self-righteous blond bitch stabs me, and you wanna know why?"_

 _Buffy sneered, "You deserved it."_

 _Faith shrugged. "That's one interpretation, but in my dream, she does it for a guy. I wake up to find the blond bitch isn't even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she's moved on to the first college beef-stick she meets. Not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, but she's forgotten about the chick she nearly killed for him. So tell me, college girl, what does it mean?"_

 _"To me? Mostly, that you still mouth off about things you don't understand."_

 _Faith lunged at Buffy and they began to fight. The confined space of the dorm room forced the slayers to cause much property damage. At one point, they toppled over Riley's legs. Faith raised the Mayor's weapon, but Buffy grabbed it. As she did, there was a bright flash of energy. The slayers exchanged surprised expressions, then Buffy smirked, released her grip on the weapon, and pushed herself to her feet._

 _Faith, looking completely bewildered, scrambled to her feet. "Wha-what's hap-" She couldn't finish speaking because she was suddenly thrown through the dorm room window onto the lawn. She shook her head to clear it and could hear Riley's voice._

 _"Buffy? What happened? Who was that?" he asked rubbing his head as he approached the broken window._

 _Buffy stared into the eyes of her mirror image and heard her own voice respond. "That was Faith. Didn't I ever tell you about the other slayer? The one who went rogue and killed the deputy mayor? We should call the cops."_

 _"I'll call the guys. They can catch her before she leaves campus."_

 _Worried that Riley was referring to Giles and the rest, Faith interjected, "No, I'll call Giles. I should explain what happened."_

 _"I meant my guys at the initiative, Forrest and Grahm." Riley looked around the destroyed room. "You should stay some place else tonight. It's not safe here."_

 _Faith pouted and looked up at Riley though her lashes. "Can't I stay with you tonight?" She gently placed a hand on his chest._

 _Riley's face lit up. Buffy had never allowed their relationship to become completely physical before. "You mean it?"_

 _Faith nodded. "You'd make me feel safe." She nearly barfed, but figured it was something Buffy would say._

 _Riley sighed, "Well, unfortunately, this rogue slayer just became a priority. Pack a bag and head over to my place."_

 _"You're going after her?"_

 _"I have to; if she's crazy like you say, we can't let her roam free. I'll catch up with you later." He kissed Faith on the top of her head and pulled out a cell phone as he left._

 _Faith looked into the mirror and saw Buffy's reflection. "Well, blondie, you sure know how to pick 'em."_

 _Aware this ruse wouldn't last forever, Willow or Giles would eventually figure out that's she's not the real Buffy, Faith rummaged through the desks in the room and found some cash and a credit card. Grabbing a duffel bag, she filled it with clothes from Buffy's closet. She looked around the small room for anything else of value and saw the Mayor's gift. Though the thought of living as Buffy made her stomach turn, Faith crushed the gift under her foot and left._

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _After Buffy saw her reflection, she hoped Giles would know what to do to return her to her body. She carefully began to make her way across campus. Faith was wanted by the police and now Riley and the initiative were after her, too. Buffy knew no one but Giles would believe her._

 _Faith was so thrilled she felt like skipping. She hoped the credit card had enough on it to buy her a ticket to Boston. All she needed now was a ride to the airport. As she headed out, she ran into Willow and Tara looking for Buffy._

 _"Buffy, where are you going?" Willow asked noticing the bag her roommate had over her shoulder._

 _Faith took a moment, she had to be able to fool these two if she was going to get away with this plan. "Faith showed up and we tousled a bit. Our room got totally trashed. We've got to stay some where else."_

 _Willow gasped. "Are you okay? What happened to Faith?"_

 _"She ran off after I tossed her through the window. Riley and his guys are looking for her."_

 _"The Initiative might actually be helpful for a change. I bet they could contain her while we wait for the council to send someone." Faith tried to look like she understood what Willow was saying, but only looked confused. Willow added, "Did Giles reach the council, yet?"_

 _Faith shrugged. "I don't know. I'm on my way there now to find out."_

 _"Are you staying with Giles?" Willow asked pointing to the bag Faith carried._

 _Faith looked to be considering it when she saw Willow's surprised expression. "No, of course not. I'll probably stay with Riley."_

 _"Ew, right." Willow laughed. "He would totally buy your girlfriend act if you did that, but he might try something with you."_

 _Faith grinned. "I'm actually going to stay with mom. How about you?"_

 _Quietly, Tara offered, "You can stay with me."_

 _Willow smiled, "Thanks. Do you want our help looking for Faith?"_

 _"No, you two should stay out of the way, stay in and stay safe," Faith added and walked away happy with what she had learned from Buffy's friends._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _Buffy was halfway across campus when she ducked behind a dumpster as she heard voices she recognized._

 _"Got the girl's description and assigned teams to the train station, bus depot and the airport. This girl is not getting out of Sunnydale without us knowing," Forrest told Riley handing him a coat._

 _"Good. I can't believe that bitch was holding out on me this whole time," Riley spat._

 _"What are you talking about? You weren't going to touch Buffy without authorization. So, no matter how badly Riley Finn wanted to get laid, he wasn't going to."_

 _Riley glared at Forrest. "Exactly. Had Buffy said there was another slayer we could offer to Adam, one that had been in a frickin' coma, I would have had Buffy Summers in my bed a long time ago." Forrest raised a skeptical brow but kept his comment to himself. "You don't think Walsh would have given me the okay to sleep with her?"_

 _"Well, you always were Walsh's pet, weren't you," Forrest replied with mild disdain._

 _"Damn straight. And a good soldier deserves a good reward. We turn over this Faith and I'm going to take Buffy in every way possible."_

 _The thought made Buffy vomit in her mouth. She worried about what Faith would let happen to her body. Knowing her, Faith would probably let this creep sleep with her. Buffy felt like vomiting again._

 _"There's been a sighting near the college pub," Grahm announced and they ran off in the direction of the pub._

 _Buffy took a deep breath; the thought of being served up to Adam if she was found made her more cautious as she continued her way to Giles' apartment._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _The last thing Dean wanted was to hang out on campus. However, he needed a personal possession of Buffy's for the spell and he knew he had to find the location of that party from last November. It was late enough that Buffy should be patrolling, so he didn't think he'd have trouble breaking into her dorm room. He checked to see if the hall was clear and saw a campus security guard posted outside Buffy's open door. "Excuse me, did something happen? I was supposed to get lecture notes from the girl that lives here."_

 _The guard looked Dean over before answering. "Well, everything's fine, now. Just waiting on maintenance to replace the window."_

 _Dean peaked into the room, "That's a lot of damage. Is everyone all right?"_

 _"Yeah. Everyone's fine. Just be on your way, kid."_

 _"Think I could go in and get the notes? They're really important. Big test, grade depends on it." Dean poured on the charm._

 _"Sorry kid, no one goes in except maintenance."_

 _Dean sighed. He'd just have to come back later. At least he knew neither Buffy nor Willow would likely return that night. He didn't want to think about where Buffy would be sleeping._

 _Faith stopped in shock. No way was she that lucky. No way had lover boy chosen today of all days to visit Queen Buffy. Daring to walk closer to the car, she saw it had a Kansas plate; she doubted it was a coincidence. How many 67 Chevys from Kansas made a habit of visiting Sunnydale. Knowing Dean would have gone to the dorm, she doubled back hoping to meet up with him._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _Buffy felt confident as she crept passed the science building. Soon, she'd be off campus and it'd be much more difficult for Riley's men to catch her. She broke into a run once she reached the alley feeling almost safe. Behind her, a car pulled into the alley and slowly took her same path. Buffy paid little mind to it as she was quickly approaching the alley's end. Just as she did, a police car blocked her way. When she turned around, the car that had been following her, turned on it's lights and sped up. "Freeze, put your hands up." the officer called and drew his gun. Instead of doing as she was told, Buffy ran toward the officer and grabbed his wrist. In a move John Winchester had taught her, she twisted the man's wrist just hard enough for him to drop the gun. She kicked the gun away, punched the officer in the eye, and ran over the top of the police car. Buffy continued to run, cutting through buildings and alley ways. She did anything she could remember to lose a tail. After cutting through some outdoor shops, Buffy stole a hoodie from a thrift store and kept heading towards Giles's apartment._

 _\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

 _Faith saw Dean leave Stevenson Hall and grinned. Dean was the perfect mark. Not only would he have money and credit cards, she'd finally get him naked. She hoped Buffy wasn't completely vanilla because she had plans for Dean._

 _The moment their eyes met, Faith felt like she should be angry with Dean for something, but she shook it off. Maybe she should do something that sanctimonious bitch Buffy would never do; she would apologize and beg forgiveness. "Dean!" she called out trying to sound like she was already pleading._

 _Dean froze. He could only stare at what looked like Buffy walking towards him. His stomach began to tighten, but the pain, the pain was tolerable, like a dull ache instead of the usually stab in the chest. Dean swallowed his anxiety. "Buffy."_

 _Faith ran to him and threw her arms around him. "Dean, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Can you ever forgive me?"_

 _Dean returned the embrace but wondered who, what he was holding. "Don't worry, princess, it's okay. You have nothing to be sorry for." He pulled back and smiled at her, hiding his concern. "What's with the bag?"_

 _"Well," Faith linked her arm through his as she had seen Buffy do so many times, "I got in a tussle with a vamp in my room and kinda trashed the place. So," she looked up at him through her lashes, "I need a place to stay tonight. Any ideas?"_

 _Dean leered. "I think I know a place." Faith giggled and followed him to the Impala. When he opened the door for her, he quickly surveyed the area and saw no one. He took his gun from the small of his back and cracked her over the head, knocking her unconscious. Tucking her into the car, he muttered, "Dammit woman, what have you gotten yourself into?"_

 _He tossed her bag in the trunk and retrieved some iron handcuffs and holy water. He put the cuffs on, knowing full well she could probably break them. Astonished to see she still wore it, he slipped the silver ring from her finger. If nothing else, he got the item he needed for the ritual. He didn't want to revive this person, so he spilled the holy water onto her hand. No smoke, no sizzling like a demon would. He kept his gun at the ready, but drove to Giles's apartment._

 _Dean put Buffy in a fireman's carry and pounded on Giles' door. "Giles! Open up!"_

 _"Dean?" Giles asked as he opened the door. "Wh-what's going on? What happened?"_

 _Dean walked past him and dropped Buffy onto the man's couch. "I'm not sure. All I know is that something is wrong with her."_

 _"Yes, I can see that. Where did you find her?" Giles crouched next to her and gently brushes her hair form her face._

 _"On campus. She –"_

 _"Help me get her into the other room. Why is she cuffed? "_

 _Dean hoisted Buffy over his shoulder again and followed Giles to a bedroom. Again, he unceremoniously dropped her onto the bed. "I cuffed her, but it's not her." He felt as confused as Giles looked. "Look, I don't know what's going on, but that's not really Buffy." Giles raised his brow, but didn't question Dean. "Do you have anything else we can use to restrain her? I don't know if those cuffs can hold her."_

 _While Dean looked around the room, Giles studied him then returned his focus to the girl on the bed. "I dumped some holy water on her and nothing." Giles was beginning to think Dean was the one to worry about when there was a noise downstairs. "Watch her." Dean drew his gun and left to find the cause of the noise._

 _He found what looked like Faith crawling through Giles' living room window. At the sound of a gun cocking, Buffy looked up. When Dean's eyes met hers, the pain blindsided him. "Giles!" he called over his shoulder._

 _"Dean, wait, I can explain."_

 _"Faith!" Giles gasped when he rushed in and saw Buffy. He noticed Dean putting his gun away. "Dean," he whispered and nodded to Buffy, hoping the man would realize the danger they were in._

 _Dean shook his head. "Don't worry about it Giles. Looks like Lucy and Ethel must have done something and gotten themselves body swapped."_

 _"How'd you-?" Buffy began to ask but she was too stunned to speak._

 _Subtly putting a hand on his chest, Dean turned to Giles. "You got this, right?" His head was beginning to swim and nausea was rolling his stomach. "I've got to leave." Dean mumbled, "Sorry about the headache you're gonna have," as he pushed passed Buffy and left._

 _"Headache? Giles? "_

 _"Now, Faith, let's just discuss this calmly."_

 _"Giles, I swear, Faith did something and she switched us, our bodies. I'm Buffy." She looked towards the door._

 _"Well, if you are Buffy you won't mind me restraining you while we figure this all out."_

 _"I don't have time for that. Faith has taken my body, and for all I know, she's taken it to Mexico. Or worse to Riley. I can prove it. Ask me a question. Ask me anything!"_

 _"Who's the president?"_

 _"Something I would know!" Buffy groaned. "Ask me something only Buffy would know."_

 _"Um, yes, alright, uh.."_

 _"Giles," Buffy whined. "When you were a demon I looked into your eyes and knew it was you. Can't you do that? Dean did it." Then it dawned on her that Dean knew it was really her. "How did he –?"_

 _"Well, he had the easy part. He found Buffy. Or you, your body, I guess. It's upstairs."_

 _"I'm here? She's here?" Buffy pushed passed Giles to get up the steps. "I'm so gonna kick her ass." She stopped at the door and the sight of her unconscious body. "Well, I'll wait til I wake up, 'til she wakes up. Then I'm knocking her out." She faced Giles again. "You can fix this right? You can switch us back?"_

 _Giles sighed, only Buffy would respond like that. "Well, I'll need you to explain everything. And we should probably secure her, you, Faith, with more than just those handcuffs."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _In her dorm room, Tara fidgeted. She knew something was not right with Buffy, but was worried about upsetting Willow. "Uh, so you and Buffy are really close, right?"_

 _Willow smiled and nodded. Without taking her eyes from the television screen she said, "We've been best friends for over three years."_

 _Tara nodded. Maybe she was wrong and Buffy's aura always looked like that. Maybe being the slayer changed it somehow. Tara had seen splintered auras before, even that same day in the Magic Shop she had seen that guy whose aura was in pieces. She worried a hang nail until Willow's focus turned to her. "Tara, is something wrong? Buffy is my friend, but she's nothing more than that."_

 _Tara shook her head, but Willow's look told her she had better come clean. "I think something was wrong with Buffy." Before she could explain, her phone rang. After answering she handed it to Willow. "It's Xander."_

 _"Hey, Xander," Willow said brightly, but soon the cheer was replaced with a worried expression. "We'll be right over." She hung up the phone and said to Tara, "You were right. Something is wrong with Buffy. Giles needs us right away."_

 _Tara sighed, "Okay. I guess I'll see you later."_

 _Willow shook her head. "Oh no. You're coming with me. You knew something was wrong with Buffy before anyone else. You can totally help."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Shiloh County Hospital – 2004**

Dean saw the tears in his brother's eyes and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be okay, Sammy I'm going to be fine. Buffy's here. We're finally going to be together. Wouldn't you want to be with Jess again, if you could?"

Sam felt a soothing calmness wash over him. It reminded him of how Dean would comfort him when he was frightened as a child. Sam basked in that feeling for a moment, and whispered, "Dean."

"Yeah, Sam, don't be sad; not when I finally have a chance to be happy."

An icy breeze blew passed them leaving both brothers chilled through. Sam's fear and anxiety returned full force. As Dean wondered what could have caused the sudden chill, he turned to look at Buffy, knowing that seeing her would reassure him. Why was Buffy looking as worried as Sam?

A member of the hospital staff stepped back and bumped into Buffy. They mumbled apologies to each other as Buffy moved further into the corner.

Dean's eyes widened in shock at the exchange. "How the -?" hell had that woman interacted with Buffy?

He looked at his body laying in the bed and saw the white figure hovering above it. "Get the hell away from me!" He rushed to the bed yelling, "I said get back!" Dean grabbed the spirit; holding it momentarily before it flung him back and then soared from the room.  
"We have a pulse. We're back into sinus rhythm," a nurse announced.

Dean ran into the hallway, looking for the spirit; but it vanished. In relief, Sam collapsed into the chair by Dean's bed. Seeing Sam in the room, Buffy decided to blend in with the hospital staff that was leaving so she wouldn't be seen by Dean's brother.

In the hall, she passed Dean. "Lucy, you have some 'splainin' to do," he said with a touch of anger in his voice. He had to save that for another time. At the moment, he needed to see his brother.

Dean came back and stood next to Sam. "It's okay now, Sammy. I'm back."

Sam leaned forward and rested his hand on Dean's arm. "Keep fighting, Dean. I mean, come on you can't, you can't leave me here alone with dad, we'll kill each other, you know that. You've got to hold on. You can't go, man, not now. We were just starting to be brothers again."

"Don't worry, Sammy. I'm not going anywhere." Dean put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "I'm getting that thing before it gets me. It's some kind of spirit, but I could grab it. And if I can grab it, I can kill it."

Again Sam felt like his brother was there comforting him. It was as if Dean wasn't in that bed at all. "Dean?"

"Sammy! Tell me you can friggin' hear me, man, there's something in the hospital. Now, you've got to bring me back and we've got to hunt this thing."

"Where are you?" Buffy barked into her phone as she paced in the parking lot.

"Hello to you, too. I had to get some stuff for Sam. Why, what's wrong? Did something happen with Dean?" Dawn failed trying to keep the anxiety from her voice.

"Yes, but he's okay, now," Buffy answered. "I need you to get your witchy poo butt to the hospital. I think I felt Dean. I mean, I think I've felt his spirit or something."

"Huh."

"I hoping you can help me find out if it was him or if I'm feeling something else. This place has got my slayer senses all mixed up."

"Okay, I'm almost done getting the stuff Sam needed. I think you should find Sam before he finds you. You'd be better at explaining your reasons for staying away from Dean than I would be."

Buffy nodded, but wasn't ready for that confrontation. "Yeah, I know, later, though. Just hurry. I'll be in the chapel."

Just as Dawn put her phone down, it rang again. "Dawn, it's Sam. Do you think you can get your hands on a Ouija board?"

"A Ouija board? Why?"

"I, uh, think I felt my brother's spirit. That can happen, right? It's possible?"

Thinking about what her sister said, Dawn answered, "Yeah, Sam, I guess anything's possible."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dawn met Sam in Dean's room. She handed him the bag containing the supplies and the oujia board. After getting the update on Dean's condition, Dawn said, "Don't do anything without me. I'm going to check on our hotel rooms and I'll be right back." She gave Sam an encouraging smile and a squeeze before she left to meet Buffy. She was grateful that Sam was too distracted to question her.

Dawn found her sister sitting in the chapel clutching the charm on her necklace. It was obvious she had been crying, but at the moment, Dawn didn't care. She wanted her sister to feel bad, to feel guilty. Maybe Dean wouldn't be lying in that bed if Buffy had let him back into their lives. "Hey."

Buffy wiped her eyes. She couldn't let Dawn see her cry; she had to be strong for her sister. "Hey, you're back." Buffy sniffed and faced Dawn.

"Yeah," Dawn failed at keeping the anger from her voice. "Sam told me Dean flat lined, that we almost lost him."

Buffy nodded and blinked back her tears. "They revived him."

"Sam thought he felt Dean's spirit, too. He asked me to bring him a Ouija board. So come on, let's go see if we can contact Dean." Dawn turned to leave.

"I didn't tell Sam -"

"Of course you didn't, that would require you to have some balls," she said over her shoulder. "Geez, for a slayer you sure are a chicken shit when it comes to the important stuff in life."

Dawn couldn't stop the rage from bubbling to the surface. She knew she had to force her sister into action and playing dirty was the best way. She faced her sister again. "You know what? Dean still loves you." Buffy gave Dawn a look that said she knew better, but Dawn forced ahead, hoping to push her sister into some sort of action. "As crazy as that may sound, it's true. When Sam and I went to get his things from the Impala, I found a box of, well, of your stuff in the trunk. Some of it was the stuff Tara and I gave him when you died, some of it must have been his. There were letters and pictures and all kinds of things from when you guys were together. It wasn't in storage, it was in his car. He probably saw it every time he opened the trunk." She glared at Buffy, almost happy to see pain in her eyes. "But you, you wouldn't take him back. You didn't think he deserved to know you were alive."

"Dawn, it wasn't like that," Buffy pleaded.

"Save it. I've heard your sorry excuses. If Dean makes it through this, I hope he never wants to see you again." Dawn stormed off, but inside she was shaking, surprised she had spoken that way to her sister. When this was all over, Dawn hoped Buffy would realize the bitch act had been for her own good and forgive her.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clutching the shopping bag from Dawn, Sam returned to Dean's room. "Hey, Dean, uh, I don't know if you can hear me, but it feels like you can so I had Dawn pick something up for me so that we can communicate."

"Dude, our cell phone coverage does not extend to," Dean waved his hand indicating his space. "The 'Can you hear me now' guy never crossed over." Sam pulled the Ouija board from the bag. "You've got to be kidding me. What are we thirteen year old girls at a slumber party?"

"If you can hear me, I know you're making fun of me right now, but just try this for me, okay?" Sam asked as he tore the cellophane wrapping from the box.

"Hey, Sam, I'm back. Ready to get started?" Dawn asked with her best hopeful look on her face.

Sam returned her hopeful expression. "Yeah. You know he's calling me a girl for doing this."

Dawn nodded and cast a quick look to the door, not surprised to not see her sister. Then she took a seat on the floor. "Well, he's called you worse." Sam sat next to her and set the board in front of them. They placed their fingers on the pointer and waited. "Dean," Dawn called out, "Sam thinks you can hear him and that we can use this so that you can talk to us. Are you here?"

Dean sighed and sat on the floor opposite them. "This is never going to work." He placed his fingers on the pointer and began to move it to YES on the board. "Holy shit."

Sam and Dawn's face broke into smiles. "Man, it's good to hear from you. It hasn't been the same without you. You had us really scared."

"Sorry, bro."

"Let's see if I can ask you guys a question." Dean concentrated on the Ouija board's pointer.

"B, U, F, F, Y," Sam read the letters aloud. "No, Dean, this is Dawn, not Buffy." Sam looked at Dawn. "Do you think he's confusing you or sensing the part of you that came from Buffy?"

"No," Dawn said calmly looking to where she thought Dean was. "I think he's seeing Buffy."

Frightened, Sam swallowed. "Dean, stay away from Buffy. If you see her, don't go to her."

"Why would you say that?" Dawn asked taking her hands off the pointer.

"I just think Dean should try to get back in his body and wake up. If he goes after Buffy it might mean he's giving up."

Dawn nodded slowly. "Okay, I get that. But your brother always had a hard time staying away from my sister." That earned her the small smile from Sam she had been hoping for. "Hey, Dean, if you see Buffy, you can always kick her ass, I'm sure she deserves it."

"So does little Dawnie knows something she's not telling?" Dean murmured.

"Dean, I almost thought I felt your presence before. What's going on?"

The pointer began to move. H U N T

"Hunt? Are you hunting something?"

The pointer returned to "YES".

"What? What's here?"

"You're not going to like this, Sam," Dean muttered as he moved the pointer to spell out what he thought was after him.

"R E A P –Reaper? Dean, is there a reaper here? Is it after you?" Sam's worried voice carried to the hall where Buffy hid by the door listening fearfully. "If it's here naturally, there's no way to stop it."

"Can't kill death," Dean replied.

"Oh man, you're -"

"I'm screwed, Sam."

"No," Dawn interrupted. "No, there's got to be something we can do. Dean, you can't give up, not now."

"Thanks, squirt, but I don't know if I have a choice," Dean answered running a hand over his hair.

Dawn's expression turned devious as she was struck with an idea. "Dean, you should see what Sam did to your car. It's practically totaled."

"Dawn, what the -" Sam gasped, "why'd you say that?"

Dawn looked to where she thought Dean was sitting. "So, he'll stick around. I mean, Dean's going to have to get better just so he can kill you for wrecking his baby."

Dean smiled at her. "Thanks for not giving up on me, kid."

"Dean, you need to hold on. Sam and I will look up what we can to keep reapers away. You just keep fighting. You and I have a lot of catching up to do and it'll be easier to do when you're awake." Dawn folded up the Ouija board and tucked it into a closet. "Come on, Sam. The hotel has free internet and I have my laptop. You see what you can find, I'll call Willow."

The time for hesitating was through. Buffy gathered her nerves and walked into John Winchester's room. "We need to talk."


	6. Chapter 5

**Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Buffy gathered her nerves and walked into John Winchester's room. "We need to talk."

John bolted up in his bed. "Buffy? How the hell did you-?"

"Does it matter?" Buffy swallowed. "Dawn's number was in Dean's wallet, I guess." She crossed the room. "Dean's in trouble."

"I know. Sam told me about Dean crashing, but they revived him. He'll pull through, Dean's a fighter" John hoped to convince himself as much as her.

Buffy smiled tightly and nodded. "Yeah, I keep telling myself that, too. But Sam and Dawn spoke with him using a Ouija board. Dean's been seeing a reaper."

John took a moment to absorb that information. "A reaper," he repeated quietly.

"Do you know a way to stop one? To fight it?"

John lowered his head. "Don't think there is a way to stop one once it's your time."

"There has to be." They fell silent, consumed by their own fears.

Dean joined them, then. "Well, isn't this cozy?" He glared at Buffy then his father. "You knew she was alive and didn't tell me? Didn't you think I had the right to know?"

"Dean was always a good kid." John's voice was thick and he cleared his throat before he continued. "He took care of me and Sam. He held our family together." Buffy was surprised by John's show of emotion, but kept quiet. "Dean always did what I told him to, no questions asked. He always gave more than anyone and never complained." John looked up at her, regret shining in his eyes. "I, I shouldn't have made you stay away."

"You didn't make me do anything," Buffy replied quietly reassuring him. "I was in a bad place when Willow brought me back. I would have ruined what we had just to do it, just to hurt Dean because I was in so much pain."

Dean fumed as he listened to them. His anger grew so strong it was expanding from his spirit.

"If I was able to go back and..." Buffy couldn't finish. She was interrupted by a glass shattering against the wall. "Dean?" She gasped his name knowing he was the cause, knowing he was there, listening to them.

John stared at the pieces of broken glass and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Not good enough," Dean said trying to control his anger. Bitter tears pricked his eyes as he turned to Buffy. "I would have done anything to have you back, to be with you." The light flickered overhead, and Dean left unable to look at either of them for a moment longer.

Buffy looked over at John. "He's so angry."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Sunnydale 2000**

 _Faith groaned as she opened an eye to see where she was. She saw her body and Giles and knew Dean must have figured her out._

 _Buffy noticed the slight movements of their captive. "Don't get any ideas about going another round. Trust me, you won't like the outcome."_

 _"Giles! I don't know what psycho-slayer has told you but-"_

 _"Oh, shut up, Faith. We know it's you," the watcher replied sounding tired. "Now, you must listen. I will be able to change you two back, but it'd be easier if you told me what you used to cause the transformation."_

 _"And why would I do that?"_

 _"Because you're in serious danger. We both are," Buffy answered ignoring Faith's disbelieving smirk. "There's this group, the Initiative, I heard them say they want to give one of us to this creature they created. I don't even want to think what he would do with us. The other one they want to pass around like a party favor. Trust me neither one is a good option."_

 _"I can handle myself, but it sounds like you got yourself in over your head again." Faith pulled at her restraints. "Don't see how this is my problem. I was on my way out of town."_

 _Buffy bent down in front of the slayer wearing her body. "Look, I get that. I want you gone just as much. But, first, I want my body back and second you don't know who to trust." She stepped away and said, "Don't bother pulling on those restraints, only makes 'em tighter."_

 _"What would you know of trust? What'd you do to make lover boy so angry? He catch you playing house with that Riley dork?"_

 _"Never mind about Dean, it's none of your business." Buffy bit her lip well aware that Faith had been trying to anger her._

 _Giles opened the door to Xander and Anya. "Whoa, Giles, what's going on?" Xander subtly moved behind Anya. "Why is Buffy tied up and Faith free?"_

 _The slayer that looked like Faith answered. "Faith somehow switched our bodies. I'm Buffy."_

 _Still slightly hiding behind Anya, Xander asked, "How can we be sure?"_

 _Buffy just rolled her eyes and sighed. "Xander, we need you to be here so you can help restrain Faith when we find the spell to switch us back."_

 _Xander and Anya exchanged looks, but before either could ask another question, Willow and Tara arrived. The moment Tara looked at the real Buffy her eyes widened. "You're Buffy, aren't you?"_

 _The relief on Faith's face made Willow smile. "Tara, this is Buffy, Buffy this is my," Willow paused as she realized the significance of what she was about to say. "My girlfriend, Tara. She knew that wasn't you right away," she added pointing to the Buffy that was tied to the chair._

 _"How?" Buffy asked curious and grateful at the same time._

 _"Your aura, right now it's all splintered and it's kind of like it's smashed into too small of a vessel."_

 _"You can read auras? That's fascinating. I've always been interested in auras. Perhaps -"_

 _"Giles! You and Tara can talk auras after we get me back to normal. Willow, do you know any spell that can reverse this?" Buffy asked._

 _"Um, well no, I don't. Giles, what have you found out so far?" Willow asked looking at the book Giles was studying._

 _"Actually, I haven't had much of a chance to look at anything since Faith woke up. Faith hasn't said what she used and Dean didn't say anything, did he?"_

 _Buffy's "No." was drowned out by Willow's and Xander's "Dean?"_

 _Buffy groaned, "Yeah, it seems Faith thought she could fool Dean and failed. He brought her here, then took off like he always does."_

 _"Dean was here?" Willow asked. "That's got to mean something Buffy."_

 _"It means nothing, Willow. If it did, he wouldn't have left."_

 _"Who's Dean?" Tara whispered to Anya._

 _"Buffy's hot ex," she answered, decidedly not whispering back._

 _Tara thought for a moment. Buffy had a splintered aura and the Dean she met in the Magic Shop had a splintered aura, it couldn't be a coincidence. She took a tentative step forward. "Um, this Dean, is he tall, good looking, with freckles and green eyes?"_

 _Every eye in the room looked at her. Faith smirked. "Hey, Red, looks like your girl swings both ways."_

 _Tara blushed brightly, but she shook her head. "I, I think I saw him in the Magic Shop today. I mean, I met a Dean in the shop today. His aura wasn't right, either."_

 _Buffy looked at Willow with an 'I told you so' expression. "See, he only needed something from the magic shop."_

 _"He was buying things to remove a curse and break a bond," Tara clarified._

 _"A curse?" Xander asked moving closer to Tara. "The curse that makes Buffy look like Faith?"_

 _"No. The curse that was put on Dean and someone he loves to keep them apart."_

 _Anya lit up with excitement. "Yes, finally. What happened? How did you learn about the curse? He obviously hasn't broken it yet."_

 _"You knew about the curse?" Buffy demanded glaring at the former demon._

 _"I was there when it happened."_

 _"Why didn't you say anything?" Willow asked._

 _"I couldn't. I was bound by the demon who cast it. I couldn't speak of it until someone else figured it out." Anya was so happy someone had found out about the curse, she couldn't stop smiling. "Marissa really went all out on it, very creative and painful."_

 _"Painful?" Xander, Giles and Willow echoed._

 _Anya nodded gleefully. "Oh, yeah, Dean's been in pain for months now. You know the saying ripped your heart out? Well this would have been like ripped out, then torn to shreds. Dean should have felt that every time he saw you." Her glee wasn't fazed by the others' shocked looks. "How did he react when he saw you? Did he clutch his head? His heart? Did he puke blood? Maybe it wasn't so bad since you weren't in your body. Still, probably pretty bad."_

 _Overwhelmed, Willow sat on Giles' couch. She wondered if the curse was why Buffy had been so quick to anger the past months._

 _"Anya, when you know someone's been cursed you speak up. That's not something you keep to yourself," Xander said hoping to prevent the slayer from killing his girlfriend._

 _"Duh, but I couldn't. I told you, I was bound to keep quiet until someone else learned of it." She nodded at Tara. "Willow's lesbian friend has learned of it and, I can talk about it. Let's see what else was there? Ripping heart out, no other love and oh yeah, all the things you once enjoyed you now find repulsive."_

 _Tara cleared her throat and asked, "Is he good at spells and incantations? The ones he needs to do are very intricate and he needs to be perfect about the timing and methods..."_

 _"Yeah, Dean'll be fine," Buffy quickly interrupted. "We have a more pressing problem right now, namely getting me back in me."_

 _"Buffy!" Willow sniped at her friend, "this is Dean we're talking about."_

 _Buffy rolled her eyes in exasperation, but Giles was deriding himself for not noticing her symptoms sooner. "Buffy was cursed as well?"_

 _Anya nodded. "Well, being the slayer may have made more of the curse bounce onto Dean, but, oh yeah, she's cursed, too."_

 _"Well, that certainly explains your behavior for the past few months," Giles responded._

 _"What are you talking about?" Buffy demanded._

 _"You've been stand-off-ish, depressed, cranky and overall not nice," Willow began._

 _"And not just because you weren't getting any," Anya added._

 _Buffy glared, insulted by the insinuations. "Fine, whatever, still have to get me back to me."_

 _"Yes, of course," Giles replied condescendingly. He walked over to one of his many bookshelves. "Faith, what did you use in order to complete the switch?"_

 _Faith huffed. "And why would I tell you?"_

 _"Because Faith, we will change you back, that's really not an issue. Your cooperation will make it easier. However, I can actually help you." Giles approached the girl and crouched before her. "You have three options. We turn you over to the police and you go to prison. We turn you over to the Initiative and Adam who will dissect you or worse. Or we turn you over to the Watcher's Council and they take you to England for rehabilitation."_

 _The intensity of his glare made Faith relent. "Fine, it was a gold box, but I broke it."_

 _Giles nodded as he rose. "Thank you. Now Tara, are you familiar with astral projection?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Tara's a very powerful witch," Willow said proudly._

 _Giles continued, "Tara, did Dean happen to say where he was going to perform this ritual?"_

 _"No, but it would have to be where he was cursed."_

 _"The party at Riley's," Xander said excitedly. "Lowell house. It has to be."_

 _Giles flipped open a book and adjusted his glasses. "Good. Willow, Anya, you two go and assist Dean if he needs it." The girls got to their feet. "Xander, help me tie Buffy to that chair. Securely."_

 _Before Willow could leave, Buffy took her hand. "He's not going to want to see me," Buffy said in a voice so small it didn't sound like her. Willow was about to interrupt, but Buffy continued, "It's been months, Willow. He didn't try once. He never called, he changed his number, just let him be. If he wanted me, he would have done something. He would have stayed here with Giles."_

 _"You don't know that. It could have been the curse."_

 _Buffy shook her head disagreeing and walked back to the chair for Xander to restrain her. It had been the first time in months that Buffy showed any emotion other than anger when it came to Dean. It was enough to convince Willow that once the curse was gone, Buffy and Dean would be back together._

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _Dean was climbing the fire escape behind Lowell House when he heard voices. He froze against the wall and waited for them to pass._

 _"I don't know how we could have missed her."_

 _"Someone must have helped her escape."_

 _"No," Riley replied, "I think she's still in town. She's probably waiting for the heat to die down or another chance at Buffy."_

 _"Speaking of a chance at Buffy," the man snickered._

 _"Exactly. Buffy's probably waiting for me upstairs. So guys, under no circumstances are you to disturb us tonight."_

 _"You got it, man. Have fun. I want details in the morning."_

 _Dean sighed. He better work fast to avoid seeing Buffy. Even without the curse, the idea of her and Riley would kill him._

 _Once on the roof, he worked quickly. He removed all his supplies from his pack, deciding to remove the bonding spell as soon as he finished with the curse. The shaman told him it would be more effective if done on the night of the new moon, but Dean knew the faster the bond was broken the sooner he could leave Sunnydale._

 _Dean concentrated on completing the first spell before he dealt with whoever was on the fire escape. He heard them step onto the roof just as he blew out the candles and broke the curse. Ready to unload his cover story, he froze when he heard Willow whisper his name._

 _"Over here, Willow," Dean answered packing up as much as he could so she wouldn't see what he was doing there._

 _Anya smelled the smoke. "Did it work? Did you break the curse?"_

 _"Yeah," Dean sighed heavily and stopped packing. Of course they would know about the curse. "How'd you know where I was?"_

 _"Willow's girlfriend figured it out. She told us about seeing you at the Magic Shop."_

 _Dean studied Willow for a moment. "Tara? Tara's your girlfriend?" Willow nodded, nervous about what Dean would think, but he continued preparing for the next spell._

 _"Dean, what are you doing? You broke the curse," Willow whispered._

 _"I've got one more small ritual, then I'm done."_

 _Anya stepped forward. "You don't have to do that one. You don't have to worry about the bond."_

 _Before he could argue, Willow spoke up. "This building isn't the safest place to be, for any of us."_

 _"Look, I know she has a date here tonight. I heard the guys talking. All the more reason for me to get this over with." He pulled a small bowl from his bag and placed Buffy's ring in it._

 _"No, she doesn't have a date. She -"_

 _Seeing that Dean was preparing to continue the ritual Anya interrupted. "You can't break the bond tonight. You're soul mates. It has to be on the new moon."_

 _Dean rolled back on his heels and stopped. Looking up at Anya, he said, "There's no such thing as soul mates. Even if there was, it's all the more reason for me to break the bond."_

 _"No, you are soul mates," Willow argued. "Tara saw your auras. You can't just ignore that. Do you know how rare it is to find a soul mate?"_

 _Dean stood and faced Willow. "Your girl's romantic ideas aside, it was part of the curse, Willow. Buffy and I are not soul mates, okay? It's not real. Once I break this bond, she can be with who ever she wants and be happy."_

 _"She was happy."_

 _"No, Willow, she was settling." Dean looked away. "Now, she'll have a chance to be with a guy that does make her happy. Some guy that's going to be a doctor or a lawyer, or at least a guy that will be around for her when she needs him." Before Willow could argue, Dean added, "I saw them, Willow. I saw her and Riley together and she looked pretty damn happy. Now, I have to finish this."_

 _"She's not with Riley," Willow whispered. "She was just using him and we can explain all of that if you just give us a chance."_

 _Anya grabbed Dean's arm. "We've got to get out of here. It's not safe. And if you really want to break that bond, you'll have to do it tomorrow. Trust me, former vengeance demon remember?"_

 _Dean huffed but relented and gathered his things. Silently, they climbed down the fire escape._

 _Once they were safely away from Lowell house, Willow began to explain to Dean how Buffy was using Riley to find out the initiative's plans and how to destroy Adam. Seeing that she wasn't making much of difference, Willow stopped defending Buffy and demanded Dean defend himself. "You know, Dean, Buffy would have told you all of this herself if you had called just once. You had your part in all of this, too. You ignored her letters and changed your number. Buffy thought you were done, over, and that you never wanted to see her again."_

 _"What?" Dean stared at her in shock. "What are you talking about? I called. I called every frickin' day for a week. Buffy always let it go to the machine until you guys changed your number. She returned every letter I wrote. Buffy did, her handwriting was on the envelopes. She refused the flowers, the Christmas gift, everything. Buffy made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me."_

 _"That was all the curse," Anya interjected. "I told you it was a good one."_

 _Dean looked puzzled. "I thought the curse just broke us up."_

 _"No," Anya laughed. "It broke you up, kept you apart, prevented you from reconciling, and caused you great physical pain when you saw her."_

 _"Dean."_

 _Dean turned and for the first time in months, he felt like he could breathe. "Buffy."_

 _Buffy wrapped her arms around him and pressed her head against his chest. The sound of his heart beating soothed an ache she had carried for months. They stood in their embrace forgetting the rest of the world._

 _Tara arrived a moment later, having not been able to keep up with Buffy as she ran. Taking Willow's hand she whispered, "They're going to be okay, now."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _Buffy couldn't remember the walk back to her dorm. She can't remember ever letting go of Dean. Buffy knew that she was so in love with Dean that she could barely take it, unable to breathe or think about anything that wasn't Dean. Every part of Buffy's body seemed to hurt when Dean wasn't soothing that ache away. They kissed until they couldn't think, until they were a contented mess of tangled limbs, and neither of them had the strength or the will to separate._

 _By dawn they were exhausted, but afraid to sleep. Afraid they would wake up to find the night had been a dream. But the sound of Dean's heartbeat and the warmth of his body next to hers soon lulled Buffy to sleep._

 _They spent most of the following day wrapped around each other in Buffy's bed, only leaving when it was determined that food was also a necessity. That decision got them as far as Dean's motel room. After another round of lovemaking and showers, they finally met up with the rest of the Scooby gang. Buffy's friends noticed the immediate improvement in Buffy's demeanor._

 _Unfortunately, Dean's conscience pricked him all evening. He grew more agitated as the night went on and was unable to hide it from Buffy. "What's wrong? Something's bothering you."_

 _Dean tried to reassure her. "I've got to go take care of something, but I'll be quick and be right back. I just don't want to leave you."_

 _"I'll go with you."_

 _"No. Stay here with your friends," he insisted. "I'll be back. I promise." Buffy wasn't convinced, but nodded and let him go._

 _As he walked out, Dean ran into Tara. "Dean, are you guys leaving already?"_

 _"No, just me. Buffy's inside." He lowered his voice. "I've still got the second ritual to do. The one that breaks the bond. It's the new moon, if I don't do it tonight," he trailed off._

 _Tara nodded solemnly, but took a second to study him. "Why? Why do you want to break the bond? You two look so happy together."_

 _Dean looked towards Buffy. "I am happy, but a shaman told me my soul was broken or something and I have to get it back or I can't help my dad."_

 _"Your soul is fine. You're not in a bunch of jagged pieces anymore."_

 _"I thought Buffy held a piece or something and I had to break this bond to get it back."_

 _"No. Your aura glows brighter when you're together, so does hers, but your soul is your own, it's intact."_

 _Dean grinned, grabbed Tara in a hug and spun her around. With his arm still around Tara, he rejoined the group. "That was fast," Buffy said smiling at the huge grin Dean wore._

 _"I was making sure Tara knew where we were."_

 _Buffy shook her head at his obvious lie, but ignored it. Then Dean grabbed her hand and pulled her to her feet. "Come on, you owe me like five million dances."_

 _As he drew her into his arms, Buffy was sure nothing could wipe the smile off her face. "You sure seem happier than you did a minute ago."_

 _"Why wouldn't I be happy? I have my girl in my arms and I just had what was probably the best day of my life." He stopped their dance, took her hands from around his neck and held them in one of his. "I also have this, if you still want it." He dug in his pocket and pulled out the silver ring he gave her years before._

 _Buffy gasped and slid it onto her finger. "I never thought I'd see this again. I thought Faith had lost it or taken it." She looked up at him. "Thank you."_

 _"You know you're it for me, right?" Dean said suddenly. When Buffy didn't respond, he said, "I mean, you know that, don't you? That I love you. "_

 _It took Buffy a moment to find her voice. "You, too. I love you, too, more than anything."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 _The next morning, Buffy took the bag Faith had packed from the trunk of the Impala. She was going through it when Dean finished his shower. "We're going to have to stop by my mom's before we leave."_

 _Dean wrinkled his brow in confusion._

 _"Faith didn't pack any warm clothes." She looked at Dean who still looked lost. "You said your dad and Sam are in Wisconsin, right?" Dean nodded mutely. "Then, I definitely have got to get some warmer stuff."_

 _"You're coming with me?" Dean stared open mouthed. "To Wisconsin? In winter?"_

 _Buffy gave him her best pleading pout. "I promise to pack light and let you pick the music."_

 _Dean wasn't ready to believe this change in plans quite yet. "What about school and the Frankenstein Terminator thing that's running around?"_

 _Buffy waved off his concerns. "Jonathon is back from his book tour. While you were in the shower, I called him and he assured me he's got this handled."_

 _"Really?"_

 _"Well, if you don't want me to go with you..."_

 _Dean grabbed her bag and the Impala's keys. "We're wasting daylight, baby. Let's go get your parka."_

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 **Marriott Residence Inn Sioux Falls 2004**

From the Marriott parking lot, Buffy hoped her best friend would come through for her yet again. "Willow, what do you know about reapers? Is there a way to stop one if it is after you?"

"I know Dawn is researching the same thing," Willow replied. "She told me Dean had seen one."

"Yeah."

"I'll tell you the same thing I told her. Just because he saw one doesn't mean it's after him. He could be trapped in the nether realm. There he may be able to see all kinds of spirits and entities we can't."

Buffy nodded. "So, you're saying there's nothing we can do."

Willow wasn't used to Buffy sounding so defeated. "No. that's not what I'm saying. We can send an emissary into the nether realm to talk to Dean and guide him back."

"How?" Buffy demanded.

"I'm sending everything you need to know in an email to Dawn," Willow answered. She heard Buffy's relieved sigh. "And I am flying out tomorrow."

"You are?"

"Yeah. So's Xander. We can't let you go through this without your best friends as back up." Buffy's sharp breath was the only response Willow needed. "And wait until I tell you what Dawn has done."

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Thanks, Giles, that's the best news I've heard all day." Dawn hung up nearly bursting with excitement, but she deflated when she saw Sam across the room looking miserable. She walked over, handed him a bottle of water and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Sam, I've got some news I think you'll like."

He put his hand over hers as he looked up from the laptop. "Giles knew how to stop a reaper?"

"Sort of, but no, not exactly." Discouraged, Sam looked back at the laptop. "The watcher's council is covering the hospital bills for you and your family."

Sam looked back amazed. "What? Why?"

"I convinced them they owe you guys, especially Dean." She smiled at Sam's relieved expression. "And Giles has arranged for a specialist from John Hopkins to fly in and take Dean's case."

Overwhelmed, Sam fell back in his chair. "You did that, for us?"

"You guys are family, Sam."

Sam shook his head. Dawn reminded him so much of Dean at times. "I was just thinking of the time Buffy joined us out here by Bobby's. Her and Dean had just gotten back together and they were -"

"Disgusting? Annoyingly all over each other?"

Sam chuckled remembering how he and Dawn used to gag over their siblings' relationship. "Yeah, exactly. Just the way they would look at each other would make me puke." Dawn smiled at him knowing she had lifted his spirits for a moment. But Sam went on with a shake of his head. "Actually, I remembered being jealous of them." He looked wistfully at her. "Do you think I was selfish to tell Dean to stay away from Buffy? Maybe I'm jealous he gets to be with Buffy again and I don't have Jess."

"No, Sam. I think you love your brother and want what's best for him." Dawn wished she could tell Sam the truth about Buffy, but since she didn't know the spell had been lifted, she remained quiet.

Buffy took a few moments alone in the parking lot to compose herself. Earlier she had wanted to slap Dawn across town and back. After Willow told her how Dawn arranged for the Winchesters' bills to be paid and for a specialist for Dean, Buffy wanted to get her sister the pony she had always wanted as a kid.

She looked at the door and took a few deep breaths. Sam was in there with Dawn and probably had a million questions and a ton of anger. It was time to face the music. Buffy braced herself for Sam's attack.

But it wasn't enough.

Acting on the instinct drilled into him by his father, Sam Winchester fired his gun the moment he saw the 'undead' Buffy Summers.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	7. Chapter 6

**Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

After listening in on his father and Buffy, Dean fumed in his own room. "I can't believe this. After everything I've given up for them." He looked at himself laying in the hospital bed. "Come on man, get up!" He crawled into bed, willing his spirit to attach to his body. Several minutes passed and he gave up. "Of all the stupid times to be stubborn. Look, Buffy's alive and she's not going to want some comatose slob. Wake up." He watched the steady blip on the heart monitor and sighed.

"Dammit, Buffy, why didn't you want me to know you're alive?" he muttered to himself. "How could you think I wouldn't care?"

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember the good times he and Buffy had. How the way his name would escape her as a breathy moan and send electricity to his core. How no matter his mood, seeing her would take a weight from him. How she had made him promise the impossible and make him think they could have it.

* * *

 **Sioux Falls South Dakota 2000**

 _John slammed his truck door, then the door to Bobby's house rattling the glass in the windows. "What the hell, John?" Bobby barked. John ignored the other man and settled into a chair. Recognizing the look on the other man's face, Bobby asked, "What's the boy done now?"_

 _"He's bringing Buffy with him."_

 _"Buffy? I thought they broke up. He seemed pretty much over her last time I saw him."_

 _"Yeah, well turns out that was just some curse. They're back together." John scrubbed his face with a hand then went to the window._

 _Bobby took a deep breath. "Okay. Well, what's so wrong with that? I seem to remember she's a nice girl."_

 _"Buffy is a nice girl." John sighed wearily. "Bobby, you know that gaping black pit inside you left by Karen's death?" He watched the other hunter steel his expression. John closed his eyes for a moment. "I have such anger and darkness inside me from that demon taking Mary, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy." Bowing his head, he went on, "I'm going to have to watch it happen to my son." He looked to the other hunter for understanding. "Dean's already lost so much. He doesn't deserve this."_

 _Bobby tried to reassure him, "John, you can't be sure anything's going to -"_

 _"She's a slayer, Bobby. She's already survived longer than most; you know how this ends." John fell silent, letting his concern drain him._

 _"Even knowing how it ended, I wouldn't give up a minute of my time with Karen, not a minute. All you can do is be there for him when it happens." He put a hand on the other man's shoulder. "He'll survive, we did, and Dean's a helluva lot stronger than either of us."_

 _No, he's not, John thought to himself. He's just a kid. A kid with a big heart who's lost too much._

 _  
**  
**   
_

  
_  
  
**~~2000~~**   
_   
  


_Buffy noticed Dean's change in behavior as soon as he got off the phone with his father. "What happened? Did someone get hurt?"_   
_"No, just a change in plans. My dad and Sam got the job done without me and we're meeting up at Bobby's in South Dakota." Dean shifted in his seat so he could rest his arm on the seat back. This position allowed his fingers to gently caress the back of Buffy's neck._   
_Buffy smirked playfully. "So, you're jealous we didn't get to hunt the Winnebago?"_   
_"Wendigo," Dean chuckled. "And yeah, I guess I'm a little jealous. If we had to go all the way to Wisconsin, I'd get to spend more time with you."_   
_Buffy scooted closer to him to rest her head on his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm totally loving this quality time together."_   
_Dean moved to put his arm around her shoulder. "It's definitely something I could get used to."_

 _  
_

  
_**~~2000~~**_   
  


_Dean parked the Impala next to his father's truck. He purposely left their bags in the trunk hoping he and Buffy would be staying in a motel instead of Bobby's house. The moment they entered the house, they were greeted with cozy warmth of a fire in the fireplace and a delicious aroma from the kitchen. "Hey! We're here!" Dean called._

 _Bobby and John entered from the kitchen. "You made good time," John said to his son before turning to Buffy. "Good to see you again, Buffy."_

 _Buffy smiled. "You too, Mr. Winchester. Hi, Mr. Singer." She surprised everyone by giving Bobby a kiss on the cheek. Their shocked expressions made Buffy laugh. "Just following directions," she said with a hand on Bobby's 'Kiss the Cook' apron. "Something smells delicious."_

 _Both John and Dean chuckled and Bobby ignored his near blush to mutter, "Not surprised Dean was able to get here in time for dinner. Dean, call your brother down and we'll get some more plates."_

 _As John followed Bobby into the kitchen he said, "Maybe I should have warned you about how much the three of them can eat."_

 _Buffy's eyes nearly popped out of her head when Sam bounded down the stairs. "Hey, guys, glad you finally made it."_

 _"Sam! Your hair! It's so short!" Buffy gasped as a greeting._

 _Sam's smiled instantly faded. "Your comedian of a boyfriend put Nair in the shampoo."_

 _Buffy spun to face a chuckling Dean. "You did what?"_

 _"It was a joke, relax, it's growing back," Dean replied._

 _"You're an immature jerk," Buffy announced crossing her arms and moving in front of Sam. Sam grinned then stuck his tongue out at Dean._

 _Dean laughed, "Yeah, I'm the immature one."_

 _  
_

  
  
_  
**~~2000~~**   
_   


 

 _After dinner, Buffy sensed the Winchesters needed to talk, so she volunteered to help clean up. Dean reluctantly followed his dad to the other room. "Look, Dad, I know you weren't expecting her to come along, it just sort of happened. You know, she would have been helpful on the wendigo hunt."_

 _John nodded, "I'm sure she would have been. But, now you've got to think of the return trip. When is that going to happen?"_

 _Dean shrugged. He didn't want to take Buffy back to Sunnydale any time soon. "She still has school. She was only able to take a few days because Jonathon came back to town and told her he'd cover her slaying duties." He felt his father's eyes boring into him and shifted under the glare. "What do you want me to do, Dad?"_

 _"You're a man, Dean. It's time for you to figure out what you're going to do for yourself. One thing's for sure, her slayer duties in Sunnydale can't be handled by Jonathon forever."_

 _"I know."_

 _"Good." John clapped a hand on Dean's shoulder as he ended the conversation. "I know you'll do the right thing."_

 _Dean took minute to compose himself after his father left. 'The right thing'. What was that supposed to mean? All the self doubt Dean had overcome since the curse returned in full. Buffy's in college with guys who have brains and money, and they live right there in Sunnydale. He sighed as a wave of depression washed over him. A GED, fifty-four bucks, and I'm never there. She could never want me as much as I want her._

 _As he came to this realization, Sam entered the room._

 _"You and Buffy are back together, huh? That's cool."_

 _Dean sighed and dragged a hand through his hair. "Yeah, for now, anyway."_

 _Not liking the tone of Dean's reply, Sam narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean? You broke the curse, right?" Dean nodded but didn't look at his brother. "So, what's the problem?" Dean shrugged, but Sam caught on. "Did Dad say something? Did he want you guys to stay broken up?"_

 _Dean, finally, looked at Sam. "No, not exactly, he just wants me to do the right thing by her."_

 _"The 'right thing'? What's the 'right thing'?"_

 _"Sam, we are not going to talk about this." He shrugged to avoid saying more and looked away thinking, it's not like I have anything to offer her._

 _Sam was shocked. "So you're saying you got back together for nothing. You're just going to break up again?"_

 _"You don't get it, Sam." Dean met Sam's eyes hoping to see understanding, but his brother only looked angry. "It'll be fine, Sam, she'll be fine."_

 _"I'm not worried about her!"_

 _Dean gave Sam a small, appreciative smile. "You don't have to worry about me, Sammy."_

 _But, Sam saw through his brother's act and knew Dean would not be even remotely close to 'fine'. It made him angry and frustrated that Dean would rather follow their father's order than let himself be happy. "You're an idiot."_

 _Dean sighed, "Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have brought her here. I wasn't thinking."_

 _"You're not thinking now. You're just going to break up? For no reason?"_

 _"Come on, Sammy. You of all people know I can be an asshole." Dean was done discussing his love life with his brother. Sam would have to understand someday._

 _"Oh, you're definitely an asshole," Sam agreed._

 _"Are you two fighting again?" Buffy asked from the doorway. "I was just coming to tell you that Bobby has the TV working so we can watch the movie now. But, if you guys are fighting, no movie for you."_

 _Dean plastered on a smile. "We're not fighting, Buffy."_

 _Sam shook his head. "No, we both agree that Dean's an asshole," he said with a bitter smirk as he rushed from the room._

 _Dean went after him, but was stopped by Buffy. "Oh let him go." She pulled him close. "I'll see that he gets lots of seeds with his popcorn," she whispered against his lips before kissing him._

 _  
_

  
_**~~2000~~**_   
  


_After "Hang 'em High" ended, they decided to call it a night. Bobby's only guest room was given to Buffy while the Winchesters made due with the couch, recliner and air mattress in the small living room._

 _The foreign noises made by Bobby's house kept Buffy awake. She wished she could cuddle up to Dean, but he was on the couch in John Winchester's attempt at protecting Buffy's virtue._

 _Outside, the wind picked up, rattling the windows of the aging house. Buffy shivered in the drafty room. "This is silly," she said to herself as she climbed out of bed. Taking her blanket, she quietly crept down the stairs._

 _The fire in the fireplace had been reduced to glowing embers, but it was enough light for Buffy to make her way across the room to where Dean slept on the couch. Carefully she draped the blanket over him and the couch and crawled underneath it._

 _Dean's eyelids fluttered open. "Hi," he whispered._

 _"Hi. I was cold."_

 _He turned on his side to give her room and to wrap his arm around her. He pulled her to rest against his chest. "Better?"_

 _"Mmm," Buffy replied snuggling into his embrace. She took his hand in hers and kissed it. "Love you."_

 _Dean squeezed her and mumbled, "You, too," as he drifted back to sleep._

 _  
_

  
_**~~2000~~**_   
  


_The next morning, Buffy told the others about the Initiative and Adam. The hunters were completely engrossed by her story until she mentioned Professor Walsh's attempt on her life. As Buffy described being trapped in the sewer with two demons and a faulty weapon, Bobby watched rage begin to boil in Dean. When she related what she had overheard were the Initiative's plans for her, the muscle tick in Dean's jaw told Bobby that Dean was at the very edge._

 _"I would have thought the government capturing monsters would have been a good thing," Sam said when she was done._

 _"I know," Buffy agreed. "Especially because they were putting a chip in their brains that made them virtually harmless. Remember Spike?"_

 _"Yeah," John answered._

 _"May as well be toothless. I can slap him around and he can't even hit back without doubling over in pain."_

 _Dean looked stunned. "Why is he still walking around? Why didn't you stake the bastard?"_

 _Buffy sighed. "Wanted to, but he says he knows where Adam is hiding and supposedly he knows a back door to the Initiative."_

 _"But he's responsible for killing hundreds of people, Buf."_

 _"I know. You don't have to remind -"_

 _Before Buffy could finish, John interrupted, "Sam, get those maps from the truck's lock box." He looked at Buffy and continued, "The Initiative, it's located on campus, right?" Buffy nodded. "When we were living in Sunnydale, I noticed some interesting police reports and sightings that focused on the campus."_

 _"What are you trying to say, Dad?"_

 _John looked from Dean to Buffy. "I'm saying I think I know exactly where the Initiative is located and probably the location of a 'back door'." He studied Dean for a second, then asked, "If he cut his hair, could Dean pass for one of these Initiative guys?"_

 _Buffy blinked in surprise. "Yes, easily. Get him the commando uniform and he'd look like one of Riley's men."_

 _Dean's jaw clenched when he heard Riley's name and he ran a hand through his hair. "How short?"_

 _Buffy grinned. "Not too short. They don't look like official military, just, you know, shorter." Her eyes danced over him imagining him in the Initiative uniform and she suddenly wished they weren't in Bobby Singer's kitchen with John Winchester. When he noticed her look, Dean broke from his ander gave her a teasing smirk._

 _Sam returned with the maps and handed them to his dad who unrolled them onto the kitchen table. Buffy's mouth fell open in awe as she realized the markings on the map of her campus did have a distinct pattern. "Lowell House," she said pointing to a location on the map with several green markers near it. "That's the front door."_

 _John nodded. "Green for 'Army' men. Red for 'monsters'"._

 _Buffy's eyes were quickly devouring the map. "There," she announced pointing at a cluster of green dots, then at another, "and there."_

 _Dean and his father exchanged looks. "I think we found the back door."_

 _Sam nearly bounced with excitement. "Does this mean we're heading to Sunnydale?"_

 _"Pack our bags, Sam. You and your brother are going to play Army men for real. We'll leave first thing in the morning."_

 _Out of nowhere Bobby Singer spoke up. "Good. That gives Dean time to split some firewood."_

 _Dean was taken by surprise. "What? Split firewood?" He looked at his father to see if the man agreed._

 _John, however, was in full hunting mode. "Do what the man says, Dean." Then he turned to Buffy. "You and I will head to the Army surplus store to get the boys' uniforms."_

 _  
_

  
_**~~2000~~**_   
  


_Bobby let Dean work for a half hour before he approached him, holding out a beer. "Feeling better?"_

 _Dean raised a brow in confusion. "Feeling tired. But better?"_

 _"You were so full of anger in there at her story I figured I should put it to good use before you took it out on one of us."_

 _Dean took a long drink from the offered beer. "Bobby, when I think what could have happened."_

 _"Could have but didn't. That's the part you gotta focus on."_

 _"Bobby, she was nearly killed. And those Initiative douche bags, if they had touched her," Dean shook his head._

 _"She wasn't killed and they didn't touch her."_

 _"I wasn't there. I wouldn't have even known something had happened to her." Dean slumped against the building and Bobby stood next to him._

 _"And she could have been hit by a bus crossing the street! What I'm trying to say Dean, is you being there may not have stopped any of that from happening. But, if it bothers you so much, make it a point to be there more often." Bobby paused to let Dean consider that idea. "You two are so head over heals for each other it's, well, truthfully, it's something I had to see to believe. But you can't let your anger over what 'could have happened' get in the way of living your life. Learn from it and move on."_

 _They were quiet for a minute and Dean finished his beer while he thought. "What about Sam and Dad? It's not like I can just leave them, not with the way they butt heads."_

 _Bobby sighed with relief. It seemed that Dean had calmed down and was actually thinking about his suggestion. "Dean, what can I say? Those two would fight over how wet water is. That's just who they are. They are going to get into it with each other whether you're there or not." Bobby took Dean's empty bottle and shoved off the building. "I'm not telling you to leave them high and dry. I'm saying make it a point to spend more time with your girl, either in Sunnydale or on the road. Life's short, Dean, don't waste it on 'could haves' and 'should haves'."_

 _"Yes, sir," Dean said smiling a bit._

 _"Break's over. That wood ain't gonna chop itself."_

 _"Yes, sir."_

* * *

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Alone for the evening, John looked through his journal. He didn't have much on reapers, but he hoped he could find something to help Dean. He flipped through pages until his eyes nearly lost focus. He finally found a page with notes about reapers. He wasn't ready to lose his son. He needed a chance to earn Dean's forgiveness.

John's reading was interrupted by the night nurse. After she took his vitals and made notes on his chart, she handed him medicine. "Take it or I will put it in the I.V.," she warned sternly, but with a smile. Once she left, John returned to his notes, but soon the medicine took effect and he drifted off.

* * *

 **~~2004~~**

From the hallway someone called, "Can't you see me? Why won't you look at me?"

Dean looked towards his door. "Now what?"

He walked into the hall and saw a pretty girl with brown hair frantically calling, "Somebody talk to me! Say something, please!"

"Can you see me?" Dean asked.

The girl turned to him in relief. "Yeah."

"All right, just, uh, calm down. What's your name?" Dean asked hoping to quiet the girl's panic.

"Tessa."

"Okay, good, Tessa, I'm Dean."

She still looked worried. "What's going on? Am I dead?"

"Uh, no, not exactly."

Tessa took in her surroundings. "So this is just a dream, that's all. It's just a very weird, unbelievably vivid dream."

Dean shook his head. "Tessa. It's not a dream."

"What else could it be?"

"You ever heard of an out of body experience?"

Tessa's eyes widened in disbelief. "What? are you serious? "

"It's actually a very old idea. Got a lot of different names: Bi-location, crisis apparition, fetches... I think it's happening to us. And if it is, it means that we're spirits of people close to death."

"So we're going to die?" Tessa accepted more than asked.

"No," Dean quickly assured her. "Not if we hold on. Our bodies can get better, we can snap right back in there and wake up." Dean thought she didn't quite believe him. "Where's your room? Maybe if you get back to your body, it will help you wake up."

Tessa led Dean to her room where they found her body laying in the bed. She was hooked to machines similar to how Dean was. There was a woman sitting in a chair, fighting to stay awake. "My mom," Tessa said with a nod to the woman.

"See, a reason to live." Dean offered her a reassuring smile. "I'll leave you be. I'm going back to check on my dad. If you need me, I'll be trying to wake up. You should do the same. We can meet up in the real world."

* * *

 **~~2004~~**

Dean found his father sleeping with his journal open on his lap. "Please tell me this means you're looking for something to help me," Dean said as he approached the bed to see what his father had been reading.

He found the journal open to a page about reapers. He squinted as he tried to read his dad's scratchings, but one entry caused his eyes to fly open. "Son of a bitch."

* * *

 **Marriott Residence Inn Sioux Falls 2004**

As he pulled the trigger, it occurred to Sam that Buffy had not drifted through the door like a spirit, but had opened it with a key. That knowledge may have caused his aim to be slightly off. Most likely it was Buffy's slayer reflexes that caused the bullet to miss its target of her heart and hit her shoulder instead. Still, the impact forced her back into the wall and she slid to the floor.

"Buffy!" Dawn screeched, racing to her sister's side. "Oh my god, Sam. Help."

Buffy and Sam stared at each other for a long moment before Sam set the gun down and walked to the bathroom. "Sam!" Dawn yelled frantically.

Sam returned with several towels and a first aid kit. Without saying a word, he helped Buffy off the floor and led her to a chair.

Dawn pressed the towels to Buffy's wounds. "We have to get her to the hospital."

"No, Dawn. I'll be okay," Buffy gritted out. "Sam can stitch me up."

"Sam!" Dawn asked, barely keeping the panic from her voice.

Sam helped Buffy remove her jacket. "Dawn, get some alcohol to clean the wound." He dragged the other chair over and sat next to Buffy, but Dawn seemed frozen to the spot. "Dawn! Alcohol, now, and more towels." Sam tried to keep his voice calm, but he was so angry he heard it tremble. As Dawn finally rushed to get the requested supplies, Sam said, "I'm going to have to tear your shirt." He took hold of the shoulder seam and ripped.

Though she seemed slightly more vulnerable exposed as she was, Sam thought she looked cold and bitter. Buffy could see he was barely able to control his questions and his anger, so she remained silent.

When Dawn handed him the alcohol, he poured it over the wound without warning, making Buffy hiss and flinch, but still, she didn't say anything.

"It's a clean shot, straight through. It'll heal quickly." Sam took out the suture kit and began to stitch the entry wound. Dawn winced at every tug of the needle but Buffy just gripped the arm of the chair and clenched her jaw. Sam noticed, but couldn't bring himself to care. If Buffy hurt, it was nothing compared to what she put Dean through and Sam had to focus all his efforts on containing his rage. When he finished with the exit wound, he silently cleaned up the supplies and left to wash his hands while Dawn applied the bandages.

He returned when he thought he had his emotions in check. He looked from Dawn to Buffy and didn't know where to begin. Dawn kept her eyes on Buffy, but the slayer met Sam's eyes. "All right, what the hell?" he began, quickly losing the tight control over his emotions. "I'm serious. What the hell? Do you even know what you did to my brother?"

Buffy took a deep breath. "Sam -"

"How are you even alive? How long have you been alive?" Buffy was about to answer when Sam held up his hand to stop her. "You better have a damn good reason for not telling Dean or I swear my next shot won't miss."

"Sam!" Dawn gasped.

Seething, he turned to Dawn. "What! You know what Dean went through. Buffy's death nearly killed him, too. What were you thinking? Why didn't either of you think to tell us about your 'miraculous' return?"

"I wanted to," Dawn said meekly.

"I had Willow do a spell so that no one could tell Dean I was alive until I wanted him to know."

"And then there was your father," Dawn muttered under her breath.

"My dad? What's he got to do with this?"

"When he found out, he threatened to, um," Buffy sighed. "Let's just say he made it clear I should stay away from Dean."

"He knew?"

"Yeah. Not right away," Buffy explained. "Do you remember when he came back to Sunnydale because of someone using black magic? It was the spring after I died."

"No," Sam said quietly. "I was at Stanford at the time."

For a moment, Buffy's expression brightened with that reminder. "I forgot you went there." A wave of remorse washed over her. If Sam was in school, it meant Dean had been all alone. Sam's demanding expression forced her to continue. "Well, Willow began using powerful dark majics after Tara was killed. Your dad rode into Sunnydale, intending to put a stop to it and found me. He wasn't too happy."

"I don't believe it." Sam shook his head in disbelief and collapsed onto the bed. It was like his father to keep a secret like this, but that didn't make it right. "I mean, I do, but, I didn't think he'd do something like that to Dean."

"He thought it would hurt Dean more to know I was back because of black magic."

"Is that your reason, too. You thought it would hurt Dean?"

"No. I don't have a good reason, Sam. I just felt wrong." Buffy's voice was unassertive and Sam knew there had to be more.

"Oh, come on, Buffy. You've got to do better than that."

Exhausted from the anger she'd been holding for so long, Buffy stood and looked him straight in the eye. "I hated him," she began more calmly than she thought possible. "I hated him for not being there when I got back. For not staying with Dawn like he promised he would. I hated him for letting them drag me from heaven. I hated him for not bringing me back himself. I hated him for getting over me, for forgetting me and for moving on!" Her voice had risen and her breath was shaky. "Dean promised he'd," she took a stuttering breath, "We were supposed to be..." Again, she stopped herself; for some reason she was panting. There was not enough air in the room and her tears blurred her vision.

Sam blinked in shock. "Heaven?" He looked at Dawn who nodded. "I thought you went to hell. Everyone thought you went to hell."

Buffy's eyes fell on the box of pictures and letters Dawn rescued from the Impala's trunk and she stared. That was hers; it belonged to her. It had been under her bed in Sunnydale. She moved away from Sam to shift through the items in the box. Suddenly she was sobbing. For a moment she thought that if the box had still been in her room, maybe she would have called Dean when she was brought back.

The next thing she knew she was wrapped in plaid flannel.

"Shh, Buffy, it's going to be okay. You and Dean always work stuff out," Sam cooed as he let her cry into chest.

Not willing to take his comfort, Buffy pushed Sam away. "Don't, Sam. Don't forgive me. I don't deserve it." She calmed her breathing and wiped her eyes. "I made Willow do spell to stop anyone from telling Dean I was alive or you know Dawn would have called right away. Or Xander would have. I just couldn't face him. After a while I didn't want to, I knew I wasn't the same as I used to be. I knew we were never going to be what we were. Dean was better off without me."

"You should have let him make that decision. Buffy, you were everything to him. He loved you so much."

Buffy smirked. "Past tense. He wouldn't love what I became." Seeing Dawn about to argue, Buffy shook her head. Taking the box, she left them, shutting the door to the adjoining room behind her.

* * *

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Dean raced back to Tessa's room. He found the room had changed and she was dressed differently. "Hi, Dean," she said quietly from her seat on the bed

"You know, you read the most interesting things. For example, did you know that Tessa means 'harvester'? It's another name for reaper."  
Tessa gave him a condescending smile. "I was wondering when you would figure it out."

"I gotta say, you're much prettier than the last reaper I met, but what's with the dying patient illusion?"

Tessa shrugged. "You didn't give me much choice. You saw my true form and you flipped out. Kinda hurts a girl's feelings. This was the only way I could get you to talk to me."

Dean took a breath to brace himself. "Okay, fine. We're talking. What the hell do you want to talk about?"

Tessa drew closer to him. "How death is nothing to fear. It's nearly your time to go, Dean. And you're living on borrowed time already."

Despite her gentle reassuring voice, Dean backed away. "Look, I'm sure you've heard this before, but... you've gotta make an exception, you've gotta cut me a break. I'm serious. My family's in danger. See, we're kind of in the middle of this, um, war, and they need me."

"The fight's over for you. Dean. You're not the first soldier I've plucked from the field. They all feel the same. They can't leave. Victory hangs in the balance. But they're wrong. The battle goes on without them."

Dean shook his head, "My brother. He could die without me."

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Nothing you can do about it. It's an honorable death. A warrior's death."

"I think I'll pass on the seventy two virgins, thanks. I'm not that into prude chicks anyway."

"That's funny. You're very cute."

"There's no such thing as an honorable death. My corpse is going to rot in the ground and my family is going to die! No. I'm not going with you, I don't care what you do."

"Well, like you said. There's always a choice. I can't make you come with me. But you're not getting back in your body. And that's just facts. So yes, you can stay. You'll stay here for years. Disembodied, scared, and over the decades it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent."

Shocked at her suggestion, Dean asked, "What are you saying?"

Tessa looked at him. She knew how he must feel, but she had a job. "Dean, how do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go and they can't move on. And you're about to become one. The same thing you hunt."

Dean nodded as he thought about her words. "You said 'nearly time'. How much time do I have?"

"Less than twenty-four hours."

* * *

Much of the dialogue between Dean and Tessa is taken directly from the SPN episode IMToD


	8. Chapter 7

**Marriott Residence Inn Sioux Falls 2004**

Buffy sat on the bed with her memories spread around her. Each one a heavy weight on her heart. She reread a letter Dean had sent her senior year in high school; her fingers tracing his signature. She could almost feel him. She looked at each picture, at every smiling face. She didn't know if it was nostalgia or real emotion, but she hadn't felt this since she returned to this world.

When she found a set of postcards, she was hit with vivid memories. It was as if seeing the pictures and reading the letters awakened something that had been hibernating for the past three years, she needed Dean. She was starving for him. How could she have been so wrong? He had to wake from his coma and allow her to beg his forgiveness.

* * *

In the next room, Sam had collapsed into a chair the moment Buffy had left. His mind was still drowning with questions and concerns. But two lay heaviest in his mind; how had Willow brought Buffy back and how would Dean react to Buffy being alive.

Dawn was a tightly wound spring ready to snap. She could feel the adrenaline coursing through her body. Her hands shook as she wrung out the bloody towels. When Dawn left the bathroom, she was still jittery. She was sure Buffy didn't want her company and she knew she would have been of little help to her sister.

Sam looked like the information overload had fried his brain. She paced the room a few times before Sam interrupted her. "If Willow is such a powerful witch now, can she use magic to heal Dean?"

"It doesn't work that way." Dawn took a seat on the bed opposite his chair. "She tried it with Tara and she was denied."

"Why?"

"I don't know, but it's why she went dark and used black magic to go after Tara's killer. She is very careful now."

Sam shook his head, convenient for Willow to be careful now when Dean's life is on the line. As if she was reading his mind, Dawn said, "Sam, if Willow could save anyone, it would have been Tara, but the 'powers that be' or whoever said no. She would do the same for Dean, you know she would."

After a minute, Sam nodded and slumped deeper into the chair. "I know. I just feel so helpless."

"Willow will be here in the morning. Maybe she'll have found a way to defeat a reaper by then. And Giles said the specialist will arrive in the afternoon. Sam, I'm not going to let Dean go without a fight."

Sam ran a weary hand through his hair. "Let's say Dean makes it. -"

"Dean makes it."

Sam smiled at her. "What happens when he wakes up and sees your sister?"

"They ride off into the sunset together?" Dawn's joke sounded like a hopeful suggestion.

Sam gave her a skeptical look but then looked to Buffy's door. "He never got over her." His gaze fell. "You know, he acts like nothing gets to him. He lets everything roll off his back. But the thing is, losing Buffy, changed him. It's like everything about him is a facade."

"I think I know what you mean," Dawn said quietly. "Buffy's never acted like she did when they were together. There's always something she's holding back. She doesn't let anyone too close. Getting her to talk, to express real feelings is like pulling teeth."

Sam shook his head. "Well at least they still have a lot in common."

* * *

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Twenty-four hours. Less than twenty-four hours, Dean reminded himself. If he could be more than just disembodied spirit, maybe he would do something with the time he had left, but in his current state, he felt he could do nothing.

He walked to his father's room and watched the man sleep. The words the demon said in his father's voice haunted him.

 _John: You did good._

 _Dean: You're not mad?_

 _John: For what?_

 _Dean: Using a bullet._

 _John: Mad? I'm proud of you. You know, Sam and I, we can get pretty obsessed._

 _But you – you watch out for this family. You always have._

 _Dean: Thanks._

Ironically, that was when Dean realized his father was possessed. John Winchester would never say he was proud of his son. The truth in the demon's final taunt hurt the most.

 _'You know, you fight and you fight for this family, but the truth is they don't need you._

 _Not like you need them.'_

"Dad, I know you can't hear me, but before I say good bye, I wanted to say thanks. I know you did the best you could, and your best was pretty damn good. You were a great dad. You taught me so much. Don't be mad that I didn't take the shot when I had it; it would have meant killing you. I wasn't ready to lose you, too." Dean went to the window and watch the sky lighten with the first sign of dawn.

"Dad, I need you to try harder with Sammy." He turned to face John again. "He's a great kid, hell of a hunter, you should be proud of him. He's smart, and quick, and he's saved my ass this past year more times than I can count." Dean's voice became like that of a child. "I'm sorry, Dad. I know I should have left Sam at Stanford. He was out of the business and I should have let him be. I know this is all my fault, but I missed him so much. I was tired of everyone I love leaving me." Emotion began to choke him and Dean stopped speaking.

After a few minutes, he continued, "I'm not angry anymore, Dad. I miss what our life was before the demon took it all away, but I don't blame you for anything. I wish I knew why you didn't want me to know about Buffy, but I don't think we're gonna have a chance to talk about that. I know you had your reasons and I know you thought you were doing the right thing. She did, too."

He spent another minute watching his father sleep, then he left to watch his last sunrise.

* * *

 **Sunnydale 2000**

 _John Winchester couldn't take another minute of the bickering going on between Buffy and her friends. He had just decided to take his sons and break into the Initiative without the 'Scoobies' help._

 _"You're the one who abandoned her post. You might think I'm stupid, but at least I'm loyal," Xander snapped at her._

 _"I never said you were stupid. And I didn't abandon anyone. You were all okay with me leaving with Dean a week ago."_

 _Willow glanced at her injured girlfriend. "Hey, I'm all about you guys being in love again, even if you don't like who I love, but,"_

 _"Don't like?" Buffy and Xander asked in unison._

 _Speaking louder to drown them out, Willow demanded, "How were we supposed to know Jonathon was a fake?"_

 _"I figured you and your super Wicca skills and Giles with his watcher knowledge of everything would at least be able to handle things for a week! It's not my fault Jonathon was fake!" Buffy shouted back. Then she addressed Tara. "I never said I didn't like you."_

 _The girls looked at Xander. "Don't look at me. I didn't say anything about Tara."_

 _Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, we all like Tara. And, we all fell victim to Jonathon's spell. That's no reason to ignore the issue at hand: the Initiative and Adam. From what Spike said earlier-"_

 _"Spike," Xander spat bitterly. "I'd like to spike him."_

 _"What about Spike?" Buffy asked Giles._

 _"He said you didn't like me dating a girl. And that you thought I wasn't able to control my abilities," Willow answered instead as it dawned on her that Spike had tried to turn them against each other._

 _The group quieted for a minute, as they came to realize that Spike was the reason behind their arguing. Buffy looked at her friends. "Well, Spike's not my fault."_

 _"Yes, he is," Dean disagreed quietly, completely shocking everyone including his dad and Buffy. "You're the Slayer. You're supposed to slay vampires, but, you're also supposed to lead the team. Yeah, Giles is a watcher, but he hasn't been yours for a while. And yeah, Willow is powerful, but she can't do something like this on her own. And what's Xander supposed to do?" He turned to Xander, "No offense," ignoring the very offended look on Xander's face, Dean continued. "He's not a slayer, he's not a witch and, thankfully, he's not stupid enough to think he can take on this Adam thing by himself." The group was silent staring at him expectantly. "We can take him out if we work together." He turned to his dad. "You've got the maps?"_

 _John nodded and tapped them in his hand. "Right here."_

 _Rubbing a hand over his recently cut hair, Dean smirked. "Alright. My dad's got a way into the initiative." The Scoobies tensed, not liking the Winchesters taking over. "So far, the plan is for me and Sam to break in, blend in, and steal as many plans, files, and computer crap that I can. But, uh, that's all we've got. Can you guys do something with that?"_

 _The tension began to drain from the room. Buffy smiled at Dean with a combination of pride and appreciation. Xander spoke first. "Well no offense, but Sam won't blend in. He's ..."_

 _"Not quite the right age," Sam provided._

 _Xander shrugged. "Like I said, no offense, but I think I'd be better back up."_

 _Relieved his little brother didn't have to be involved, Dean nodded his approval. "Cool. You're good with that, right Sammy?"_

 _"Yeah, no problem, man. I'm probably better at deciphering the stuff you guys steal."_

 _Dean took a grateful breath. "Okay. Xander, me and my dad will work on getting in and getting the stuff you need to research how to destroy this thing." He looked at Buffy hoping she would now take the lead._

 _Seamlessly, Buffy did just that. "While they're doing that, Tara, Willow, can you guys do a spell to locate Adam?"_

 _Willow and Tara exchanged smiles. "Yeah, we can definitely do that."_

 _Buffy grinned brightly. "Great, thanks." Then she turned to her former watcher. "Giles, you think you could help me prepare with a good old fashioned good training session? I'm sure Sam would help, until we need him for the research." She bit her lip as she looked to Sam for confirmation._

 _"Sure, Buffy. You still have the protective gear, right?"_

 _With a quick grin at Buffy, Dean added. "Xander, let's get your uniform and we'll go over the maps with my dad."_

* * *

 _An hour later, Anya's lusty, "Oh my." broke Buffy's concentration and she turned to see what captured the other girl's attention. Xander and Dean had just arrived in the faux Initiative uniform. Buffy had to agree that Dean looked really good in a uniform. In fact, the way the black sweater clung to him made Buffy think about how he'd look out of the uniform. She became so distracted that Sam finally landed a decent punch, sending her to the floor._

 _When she fell, Sam stood over her, pleasantly shocked. Dean rushed over, "Buffy, what happened?" he asked laughing as he held out a hand to help her up._

 _"She was distracted by Xander's hotness in his uniform," Anya answered without taking her eyes or hands off of Xander._

 _Dean raised a brow. "Xander gets you hot?" he teased quietly._

 _Buffy slid her hand down his side. "Not Xander," she whispered._

 _Sam groaned, "Uh, before you two start rolling on the floor, can I get a 'nice hit, Sam?"_

 _"Lucky punch, kid." Dean sent Sam tumbling backwards with a hard shove._

 _Sam rolled his eyes and backed away. Before Dean could let himself get too distracted by the way his girlfriend was looking at him, he asked, "Xander told me you were in the Initiative headquarters a couple of times. Think you can remember enough to help us with a floor plan?"_

 _Buffy smiled dreamily at him. "I can do that," she replied. "The sooner you leave, the sooner you get back, right?" She stretched up on her toes and gave him a quick kiss._

 _Dean pulled her in for another kiss, one that wasn't so quick. Just as they were forgetting anyone else was there, they heard Sam mumble, "Ugh, I'm going to have to gouge my eyes out."_

 _"Hey, kids, let's save the celebration for after we stop the bad guys," Xander teasingly scolded them._

 _From the feeling she got when Dean looked at her, Buffy figured the embarrassment was worth it._

* * *

 _Using the maps from his father and the floor plan from Buffy, Dean and Xander easily made it to the containment facility in the Initiative. They paused, both a bit worried by the sheer number of creatures the cells housed. "You think they all have chips like Spike?" Xander whispered._

 _"Hope so, because if these doors open, we're in for a world of hurt." Dean took a moment to study the locks on the cell doors. "Electronic locks. There's probably a central switch."_

 _"Yeah. The main offices are this way. You check the lab, I'll check the office," Xander suggested in a near whisper. Dean nodded his agreement and the two separated._

 _However, before he left the containment area, an inmate caught Dean's eye. Surreptitiously, he glanced back at the inhabitant. "No freaking way," he mumbled to himself. The inmate didn't look up, it didn't even move; it remained huddled in the corner of its cell._

 _With another goal in mind, Dean rushed to the lab. He didn't bother with being cautious, he grabbed every computer disk and every file he could. After stuffing his findings in a bag, he met Xander. "Did you find how the locks work?"_

 _"No. But I found out everything currently on the lower level has the same kind of chip Spike has. The newer residents haven't been altered, just drugged."_

 _Dean looked like he was debating something. "Drugged? They're drugging monsters? That's a new one."_

 _"Our tax dollars at work."_

 _Dean smirked, "Right. Hey, is there a locker room nearby?"_

 _Xander paused at Dean's odd question. "Uh, yeah. Should be just down this hall. Why?"_

 _Dean ignored his question. "Remember how to get out of here?"_

 _"Yeah, but we're leaving together."_

 _"Sorry Xander, I'm changing the plan just a bit. You get out, and take this stuff to Giles." Dean handed him the bag with the computer disks. "I'll be a few minutes behind you."_

 _Xander gave Dean a disapproving look. "Dean, what are you thinking of doing?"_

 _"Just go. We stand a better chance of escaping unnoticed if we separate." Dean left in search of the locker room leaving Xander no choice but to leave on his own._

* * *

 _A few minutes later and Dean was standing in front of cell 279. He tapped on the plexiglass door to get the inmate's attention. He held up some clothes before passing them through the food slot. The inmate didn't make a move, it only stared at him. Dean wasn't going to be deterred by its lack of movement. He studied the electronic lock and took a guess at the combination from the wear marks._

 _When the door didn't open, he said, "Come on, man, help me out. Do you know the code?" The inmate narrowed its eyes, not sure if it could believe the human standing outside the cell door. "High note first or low note."_

 _The creature, figuring it had nothing to lose talking to an hallucination croaked, "High note," in a voice hoarse from disuse._

 _The cell door slid open and Dean tossed the ignored clothes to the inmate. "Hurry. I don't know how much time we have." Once the inmate finished dressing, Dean grabbed his arm and held a taser to his ribs. "Don't worry. It's just for looks."_

 _"Are you really breaking me out?"_

 _"Shh. If we get stopped, follow my lead, but let's get going." As Dean led the prisoner out, he noticed an injury to the side of his head. The Initiative must have implanted a chip._

 _"Hey! Where are you taking hostile 279?" a voice called from behind Dean._

 _Dean turned. "Colonel McNamara wants this one tested above ground."_

 _"I never got those orders," Forrest replied, squinting at his fellow soldier and the inmate._

 _"The Colonel told me himself, but if you want us to keep the old man waiting while you question the his orders, I'll return 279 to his pen."_

 _"No. Go ahead, but lead him up the far tunnel. Don't take him through the house."_

 _Dean nodded and did exactly as he was ordered._

* * *

 _When they got to the surface, Dean released his prisoner. "Okay, what are you? Why were you in there? Why did they put a chip in your head?"_

 _Oz rubbed at the incision to give himself time. "Thanks for getting me out of there, but I don't know if that was such a good idea. I can be dangerous."_

 _"Not anymore, not with that chip. So, tell me." Dean began to jog toward the car._

 _"Werewolf," Oz answered quietly, finding it difficult to keep up with the hunter._

 _Dean stopped walking. He took a deep breath and swallowed his initial reaction. "Is that why you and Willow broke up?"_

 _"Not really, it's only part of the reason."_

 _"Why didn't you tell me, Oz? I would have tried to help you, man."_

 _Oz nodded again. "We thought we needed to keep it from you," he admitted quietly, "because of your dad."_

 _"Yeah, whatever. Look, you seriously can not stay in Sunnydale," Dean began. "Do you have a place you can go?"_

 _"Right, uh, my parents' place I guess." Oz kept his head down._

 _"Get in," Dean ordered once the arrived at the car. Throwing it into gear, Dean said, "You've got to get out of town. The Initiative will be looking for you and on top of that, there's a half monster half robot critter gunning for the rest of us." Dean took a quick glance at Oz. "Did you happen to overhear anything that might help us with this Adam freak?"_

 _Oz shook his head. "No, but they have brought in a lot more 'hostiles' this past week. So many of them that the doctors haven't been able to put chips in them." Oz remained silent until they arrived at their destination. "Thanks, Dean. Tell Willow I love her, and to be careful."_

 _As Oz went to open the door, Dean stopped him. "Wait. You know I wouldn't have killed you, right? I mean, I would have done everything I could to help you."_

 _Oz nodded, "I know, man. Thanks."_

* * *

 _When he returned to Giles' apartment, Buffy was furious with him for deviating from the plan and making her worry. Dean barely looked at her, at first. "I'm here now. Everything's fine."_

 _"What happened? Why didn't you come back with Xander?"_

 _Instead of answering her, he turned to Sam, "Where's Dad?"_

 _"When I came back and told him how many more monsters were being held there, he went to get more ammo. He said you should call him," Xander answered for Sam._

 _Sam could tell something was bothering Dean. "What happened, Dean? Why'd you take so long?"_

 _Dean held up his hand to silence Sam and called his dad. "Hey, I'm back. I had to cover our tracks." He listened to his father for a moment, then said, "Yes, sir."_

 _When he disconnected Dean took a moment to look around the room. When he found Willow, he began to talk. "They had Oz. I broke him out." He kept his eyes on Willow's as he spoke. "They put a chip in him so he can't harm anyone, but he's still leaving town."_

 _Buffy gasped. "Is he okay?"_

 _"He has a chip in his head, and he was locked up in a tiny prison cell like all those other monsters, so, no, he's not okay." He ran a hand over his head. He studied Buffy's reaction for a second then continued, "You knew what he was. Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _"I, I didn't know what you would do. Everything's either black and white with you. I -"_

 _"What did you think I would do?"_

 _"Well, you killed the werewolf in Pittsburgh. The one that hurt your dad."_

 _"Yeah, but it was a matter of its life or ours. And, as a werewolf, it had killed several people. Do you seriously think I would kill Oz? He's one of my best friends, Buffy! "_

 _"I don't know. No," Buffy answered meekly. "But what would your dad do?"_

 _"This isn't about him, this is about us, all of us." Dean looked at Xander and Willow. "You really think I would kill him." Dean stared at Buffy in astonishment. When all she did in response was stutter, Dean said, "You're right. I would. If he begged me. If there was no other way to help him. But, hell, Buffy, I would have tried everything, called every contact, done every kind of research first. I wouldn't kill him just because he got turned."_

"Dean," Buffy pleaded softly.

 _"I'm serious, Buffy. Are you ever going to trust me?"_

 _"Dean, I trust you. I do. I was just afraid. I didn't know what you would do and I had to think of Willow and how she would feel."_

 _Tired of arguing, Dean shook his head. "Right, fine. We'll stay in the shallow end of the trust pool, for now. But, if we're going to work together to bring down the Initiative and Adam, we're going to have to trust each other." Buffy stood in front of him and put her hand on his arm, but he immediately shrugged her off. "I need some air," he said and walked out._

 _The Scoobies exchanged worried looks, but Sam spoke first. "If you guys have any other secrets, now would be a good time to tell him."_

 _Buffy figured Dean had stewed long enough so she followed him outside. "I'm sorry. You're right we should have told you."_

 _"Oz should have told me," Dean said quietly, not turning to look at her._

 _"In his defense, he had a bad run in with a hunter, right after he turned." She stood next to him and put her arm through his. "Oz didn't think you were like that, but, well, your dad can be scary." From the corner of her eye she saw him smirk at that. "I trust you, Dean. Completely. With my life. The others do, too. But, you're not around all the time, and that makes it hard to be totally honest all the time. We want you to see the best in us." Buffy moved in front of him so she could look him in the eye. "I trust you."_

 _Dean took her hands. "Okay, then, if you trust me, no more secrets. We tell each other everything. Okay?"_

 _"Okay." Buffy wrapped his arms around her. "I love you." She leaned into him. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."_

 _Dean forgave her with a kiss._

* * *

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

It was mid morning when Willow and Xander arrived at the hospital. Xander asked about the sling on Buffy's arm and scoffed at her answer. "You're lucky Sam missed. Where is the kid anyway?"

"Kid?" Dawn teased. "I want to see you say that to his face."

"He's with Dean," Buffy answered quietly.

Willow took Buffy's hands in her. "We're going to do all we can, Buffy." Buffy nodded and tried to believe her friend. "I've got an idea on where to start, but we're going to need Sam."

"I'll get him," Dawn said hurrying away.

"So, what's the plan, Will?"

"A spirit walk, like Tara did when you and Faith switched bodies. If Sam is willing, we can send him into the nether realm and he can talk Dean back to his body."

Buffy was afraid to get her hopes up but she desperately wanted to believe Willow's plan would work. "If he gets back in his body?"

"Well," Willow began, "if his spirit is wandering, it's fair game for a reaper. But, maybe if it's back in his body, it will have a stronger hold in this world. Maybe it'll be enough to wake him up and give the specialist time to work."

"Okay, right the specialist. That sounds good. I hope Sam's willing to do it."

Xander took in Buffy's haggard appearance as he listened to her babble. He put his hand on her good shoulder. "Buffy, I know this is difficult, but you're not too late."

"Hey, you made it," Sam said as he approached. "It's good to see you guys."

Both Willow and Xander froze for a moment as their eyes went wide. "Well, I see someone has been eating his vegetables, and enough to feed a small city. Holy crap, Sam," Xander joked as he grabbed him in an embrace.

"Hey, Xander. It's so good to see you," Sam replied when he was released. Next he wrapped his arms around Willow. "I can't believe you guys came all the way out here for us. I really appreciate it."

Willow smiled up at him. "Sam, you guys are family. We'd do anything for you."

Sam's eyes cut to Buffy. "Almost anything," he said quietly, but Buffy caught his meaning and looked chided. "Did you guys find anything we can do to stop the reaper?"

Willow chose to ignore the exchange between Sam and Buffy and focus on her plan. "Well first, we're going to need an empty room. Then, if you're up for it, I'm going to send you on a type of spirit walk to guide your brother back to his body."

"Of course, I'll do it," Sam said eagerly.

Willow smiled. "Good, hopefully you can convince Dean he has a reason to live. Then, I will try to do a protection spell and then it's up to Dean and the doctor Giles called."

"I think there's an empty room just down the hall from Dean's room," Buffy suggested. "Why don't you guys get set up. I want to see him for a minute. I'll be right there."

In Dean's room, Buffy gently brushed his hair back. She slid the back of her hand over the stubble on his cheek. "Sam's going to come get you. Dawn has a doctor coming, he's going to make you all better." She leaned in and kissed his cheek. "Then you and I are going to spend the summer together, getting to know each other all over again."

From his spot on the roof, Dean ignored the sensation of Buffy touching him. He wondered how much longer he was going to have to wait. "Tessa! Where are you? Let's get this show on the road. I'm ready."

* * *

Before joining the others, Buffy stopped in John Winchester's room. "I think I've got a plan. A way to help Dean."

"I'm listening."

"Willow is going to do a spell to send Sam into the realm where Dean is. He is supposed to lead him back." John nodded. "A specialist is arriving later and if Dean is awake, he will be able to assess his condition much better than if Dean were still unconscious."

John nodded again. He didn't see how leading Dean back to consciousness would stop a reaper. "Okay. I guess that's as good a plan as any." His eyes cut to the bag of supplies he would use to summon the demon.

"That's not my plan," Buffy said interrupting his thoughts. "I'm going to have Willow send me, too. I want to see Dean and ask him to forgive me, but I'm going after the reaper."

John looked shocked. "You can't kill Death, Buffy."

"I'm not going to kill it. I'm going to make a deal with it. I'm supposed to be dead, anyway. I'm going to ask it to take me in Dean's place."


	9. Chapter 8

**Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

"I'm not going to kill the reaper," Buffy said trying to sound confident. "I'm going to make a deal with it. I'm supposed to be dead, anyway. I'm going to ask the reaper to take me in Dean's place."

"No. Absolutely not. Think what that would do to Dean." John was stunned by her offer. He silently berated himself for keeping her and Dean apart.

"But I," she stopped. Consumed by her regret, she couldn't speak for fear of crying, and she refused to cry in front of John Winchester. "I have to do something," she choked out.

"You've done plenty." John tried to reassure her. "Just getting a specialist to look at him is more than I could have hoped for. You lead him back here, and let the doctor do his job. Dean will want you to be waiting for him."

Buffy swallowed her fears and nodded. "I'll tell you what happened when we're done."

"Dean's a fighter, Buffy. When you guys worked together, you always came out on top. This will be no different."

* * *

 **Sunnydale 2000**

 _Buffy would let Dean kiss her neck forever if he wanted, but the man never stopped there. He could turn her into a whimpering needy mess in mere minutes. Buffy loved that once was never enough with Dean. When they were both finally sated, they rested in each others' arms and Buffy reflected on just how much she loved Dean. It wasn't just the mind blowing sex, it was the way he made her feel safe and loved; like she was the most important thing in his world. She truly did trust him with her life. She knew he would always fight for her, always be there for her when she needed him. Buffy felt completely consumed by how much she loved him._

 _Dean's fingers drew a lazy pattern on Buffy's side as he held her. Feeling her relax against him, he whispered, "I love you so much, Buffy." He held her tighter as she nuzzled against him, smiling to herself. She knew he thought she was asleep, making his admission mean that much more to her._

* * *

 _As Buffy listened to what Sam and Willow learned from the computer disks she became nauseous. Defeating Adam seemed impossible especially since the Initiative was blind to how dangerous he had become._

 _Buffy rubbed her temple. "So, the only way to stop Adam is to remove his uranium powered heart? How am I supposed to get that close?"_

 _"Good question. With that army of demons and monsters in there, you'll be lucky to live long enough to see Adam." Anya was oblivious to the looks that comment earned her._

 _Sam did not want to admit that Anya was right, but she did make a good point. "It's like he's building a Trojan horse. If Adam gets to the laboratory, he can control the cell locks. All the creatures without chips could be released at once and the people will be locked in with them."_

 _That was enough for Buffy. There was no way she was going to live through this fight and there was no way she would endanger her friends. Her stomach turned again._

 _Willow could tell Buffy was getting nervous. "Maybe there's a paralyzing spell we could do," she suggested hopefully._

 _"Right, we paralyze Adam, and Buffy can stop him," Tara said and all heads turned to Giles._

 _"I think there is a spell like that," Giles replied going to his shelves to rifle through his books._

 _"Sam, is there anyway you can override the control of the locks from the outside?" John asked._

 _"Not that I can see, Dad. Maybe if I had more time."_

 _John nodded. "I may not be able to keep the creatures in their individual cells, but I know of a way to prevent them from leaving the facility." He looked at Dean and Xander. "I'm going to need a couple juvenile delinquents to spray paint some graffiti. You two up for it?"_

 _"Yeah, of course. What do we have to do?" Dean answered._

 _"I'll give you some symbols. You copy them exactly onto to the area outside the doors."_

 _Giles interrupted them by announcing he had found the spell. "There's only one problem, the spell is in Sumerian."_

 _"And you don't speak Sumerian," Dean said, finally beginning to feel anxious for Buffy._

 _"No, of course I do," Giles corrected. "This incantation requires a great deal of power, more than I have, and moreover, you'd have to be within striking distance of Adam before casting it."_

 _"Too bad you, Tara, and Willow can't magically combine with Buffy to make her the uber witch," Xander said nonchalantly._

 _Giles began to smile. "But we can. It's powerful," he paused and looked at his slayer, "we can channel great power to you, if Tara and Willow agree to work with me." The two witches smiled their consent. Then Giles turned to John. "This means the three of us will not be able to help you stop the other demons. I trust you can contain them with your devil's traps."_

 _"You super charge our slayer. We'll take care of the rest." John's confidence was contagious._

 _Dean grinned at Buffy. "See, baby, nothing to worry about. This is going to be a cake walk."_

 _Buffy forced a smile. "Love your Kamikaze attitude."_

* * *

 _Hours later, the plan was set into motion. Sam and John each took a tunnel, painting sigils and laying salt lines. Dean and Xander did the same in the other tunnels and continued to the Initiative. Buffy and her team of witches, broke in through Lowell house._

 _As Buffy and her team made their way to a room near lab 314, they noticed Adam had killed or maimed several Initiative members._

 _"Buffy, stop, what are you doing here?" Forrest demanded._

 _Buffy rounded on him. "My job. Stay out of my way if you want to stay alive."_

 _"Buffy, you don't know what you're up against. This creature -"_

 _"Adam is a part human, part demon, part cyborg hybrid. Created by this facility to be the perfect killing machine."_

 _Forrest's mouth fell open at Buffy's definition._

 _Buffy smirked. "Demons are my area of expertise. You will let me through."_

 _"Sorry, I have my orders." Forrest's face twisted into an evil grimace. He aimed his semi-automatic rifle at her._

 _Unimpressed with his show of power, Buffy tore the weapon from Forrest's grasp and butted him in the face, knocking him several steps back. From another door, Graham and other Initiative members entered the room. Graham put up his hands, "I don't want trouble, we just want out. The security system failed. The cell doors have unlocked and it's only a matter of time before those things break through the barrier put up by Sergeant Harris."_

 _Buffy's lip twitched into a smirk. "By all means, get out while you can, and take him with you," she said pointing to Forrest. Then she put a hand to Giles' chest. "There," she pointed. "Use that room. According to Sam, Adam should be in the lab, doing upgrades." Buffy shuddered to think what those upgrades would be._

 _Willow touched Buffy's arm. "Are you sure you're ready for this? I don't like you going in alone."_

 _"I won't be alone," Buffy replied. "Once you do that spell, you'll all be with me."_

 _In the small room, Willow, Tara and Giles sat in a circle. Willow began the ritual. "The power of the Slayer and all who yield it. Last to ancient first, we invoke thee. Grant us thy domain and primal strength. Accept us in the power we possess. Make us mind and heart and spirit joy. Let the hand encompass us. Do thy will. We enjoin that we may inhabit the vessel-the hand...daughter of Sineya...first of the ones... We implore thee, admit us,bring us to the vessel, take us now."_

* * *

 _As Buffy was preparing to destroy Adam, Sam was cowering in an underground tunnel at the rear of the Initiative. He held his gun, ready to fire, but it was far from steady in his trembling hand. He was sure he painted the devil's trap perfectly. A salt line had also been poured at the door. But, something was approaching from the outside. The lights flickered and went out. Soon, a match was held to a cigarette in the mouth of the approaching figure. "Eh, you, what's with all this?" Spike asked pointing at the sigils painted on the walls and floors._

 _Sam swallowed weakly. "Devil's trap." The emergency lights flashed on._

 _"Brilliant. When you Initiative blokes learn that?" Spike didn't wait for an answer. "Look, I'm just here for a 'tune up'. The chip and all. Why don't you let me in, then you can repaint your pretty little designs."_

 _Sam leveled his gun at Spike's chest. "I am not opening those doors."_

 _"Bloody hell. Few minutes late and I get G.I. Joe junior stopping me from chip removal," Spike muttered too quietly for Sam to hear. However, the sound of something else making its way through the tunnel caused both of them to turn._

 _Two grimslaw demons were crawling towards them. One jumped towards Spike, but fell to a sizzling mess when hit with one of Sam's salt bullets. Spike turned in surprise, only to have Sam shout, "Get down, there's more!" Sam shot as many as he could, but they were fast and there were a lot of them._

 _Spike jumped to his feet and joined in the killing of the spider-like demons. When they had killed all of them, Spike turned to Sam. "What kind of gun is that? Bullets don't normally stop these things."_

 _"S-salt."_

 _Spike lit another cigarette and nodded. The sounds of demons fighting on the other side of the door made his lip curl. "You may need more ammo."_

 _Sam pulled a bandolier from his pack. "Got it."_

 _Spike studied him a moment. "You're working with the Slayer?" Sam nodded. "Won't be getting my chip fixed, tonight then, will I?" Sam shook his head, just as a loud explosion heard from the other side of_ _the door. Spike mimed tipping his hat and said, "Good night, hunter," before he ran to the the exit._

 _The explosion signaled what John Winchester had called the beginning of the end. Any sort of flame inside the containment facility would activate the sprinklers; and John made sure the water supply for the sprinklers was holy water._

* * *

 _Buffy, possessed with the power of the Original Slayer, kicked down the door to the lab. Inside, Adam and Riley turned to face her. "What are you doing here?" Riley demanded._

 _"This is not unexpected," Adam answered. "One as powerful as the Slayer would want to join with me."_

 _Buffy could feel the Slayer's power coursing through her. "I am not here to join you. I am here to kill you."_

 _Unaffected, Adam turned his back and continued working on his arm. "Kill her, brother. Like we did her friends."_

 _Like a robot, Riley began to attack Buffy. Blocking his first punches, Buffy forced him back, eventually landing her own punch that sent him crashing into Adam._

 _In her mind, Buffy can hear Willow, Tara and Giles chanting, "Spiritus...Spirit. Animus...Heart. Sophus...Mind. Manus...the hand."_

 _Enraged at Riley's inability to stop the slayer, Adam tossed the man across the room, knocking him unconscious. "I have destroyed your lover. Now, I will destroy you." He held up his arm that was now a mini machine gun. "I have been making upgrades."_

 _Buffy blinked. Her eyes took on an animal like appearance. "You do not frighten me. I will end you."_

 _"Interesting," Adam said tilting his head as he studied her. "What have you done?"_

 _"I am more powerful than you could imagine."_

 _Adam raised his gun arm and fired several rounds at Buffy. Buffy raised her hand and the bullets stopped in mid air, then fell to the ground._

 _"How?" Adam asked, but Buffy didn't answer._

 _Instead she walked up to him and slammed her fist into his chest. She pulled out his uranium power cell and held hit before him, crushing it in her hand. Adam crumpled to the floor, his eyes flashing as his power failed._

 _Knowing that the demons in containment were no longer a threat, Dean rushed to the lab arriving in time to find Buffy standing over the defeated Adam. Sensing his approach, Buffy turned to him, her eyes still glowing a muted yellow with the Slayer power. "You," she said in a voice that Dean did not recognize. "Do you want this body?"_

 _"Is that a trick question?" Dean began to smirk, though he was worried about Buffy._

 _Still in the voice of the original Slayer, Buffy said, "Take me now, subcreature. I want you inside me."_

 _"It sounds like you've got at least two or three people in there already," Dean replied but he braved getting closer to her. "You're turning me into Bill Murray, here. Come on Zuul get out of my girlfriend."_

 _"There is no Zuul," a confused possessed Buffy said obviously struggling to free herself from the spell. She staggered into a table and fell to the ground._

 _"Oh, Zuulie, you nut, relax, c'mon, Buffy, time to shake her off. You can do it, baby. I want Buffy. Can I_ _talk to Buffy?"_

 _Groggily Buffy slowly blinked, her eyes returned to their normal state. "Dean?"_

 _"Mornin' Sunshine! What do you say we get out of here." He stood holding out a had to assist her._

 _"Adam said he killed you."_

 _Dean shrugged, "I guess he lied. Or he might have meant Riley."_

 _"Riley's dead?"_

 _"No. But he's going to need a hospital."_

* * *

 _They gathered at Giles apartment to regroup and relax. Adrenaline was running so high though, no one could sit still. No one except Buffy, who was exhausted. Finding her nodding off, Dean told the others he was taking her home._

 _That night, Buffy had night terrors similar to what she experienced after killing Angel. Like then, Dean held her and comforted her until she fell back to sleep. However, the fact that the nightmares had returned, worried Dean. He promised himself to tell Giles about it in the morning._

* * *

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

By the time Buffy joined them, the others were already sitting in a semi-circle on the floor, waiting for Buffy to complete it. When she did, Willow lit a candle and began her explanation. "Sam is going to go first, since he has the strongest bond to Dean. Sam, you need to hold Dawn's and Buffy's hands. They will act as anchors to this world."

Sam nodded and held out his hands for the sisters to take. Xander held their free hands.

"The realm where Dean is will appear darker to you, but you will be able to see this candle to light your way back. Say whatever you can to convince Dean to follow you. You're both spirits, so you won't be able to touch each other, so you can't just grab hold of him and drag him back. He has to want to come back on his own."

"That should be easy," Dawn said encouragingly. "It's not like he wants to die."

Willow smiled at her. "Exactly. But, he might be lost and not know how to get back to his body."

"Once we get his spirit back, the specialist will be able to help him, right?" Sam asked.

"Yeah," Willow shrugged slightly, "that's the plan." She put some herbs in a small bowl. "Sam, are you ready?" He nodded. "Okay, concentrate on the flame of the candle." Willow began to chant, "Sightless sea, Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, the sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me. The inward eye, The sightless sea. Ayala flows through the river in me."

* * *

To Sam, the light of the candle grew impossibly brighter. Just as he thought he had to close his eyes, he found himself in a hallway of the hospital. It was darker than the actual hospital and the sounds were muted. Sam looked around. "Dean?" he called quietly.

From behind him he heard his brother's voice. "Sam! What are you doing here? What happened?" Dean's eyes were full of panic.

"Dean, it's okay, I'm okay. I just needed to talk to you, so Willow used a spell." Sam smiled at Dean's huge sigh of relief. "I don't know how much time I have here."

"You didn't need a spell, I could hear you just fine from in there," he nodded toward his room.

"I needed to know it was really you I was talking to." Sam sat on a table that was against the hallway wall. "I need to tell you something and, uh , well, you should," Sam stammered hoping to get Dean to sit with him.

His brother took the clue and sat next to him. "Buffy's alive. I know, I've seen her."

"Yeah," Sam answered in a rush of relief.

"Did you know? I mean before."

"No, Dean." Sam looked pained at his brother's question, as if he could keep something like that from him. "I, uh, shot her," he admitted ducking away from Dean's reaction.

Dean's eyes widened. "You **shot** her?"

"Yeah. Shoulder through and through."

Dean nodded and suddenly found his hands very interesting.

"Dad knew. Just when you thought I was his favorite," Dean smirked hoping his reply sounded like a joke.

"Yeah, Buffy told me. I guess he ran into her on a trip to Sunnydale. He threatened her, so she wouldn't tell you she was back."

Dean shook his head and sighed. "Yeah, but she didn't want me to know, either." Sam looked surprised that Dean would say that. "She never cared what Dad said before, you know."

Dean pushed off the table and walked to the tiny waiting room that was nearby. He wasn't surprised to find Tessa waiting there. "Hi, Dean."

Dean turned and smiled at his younger brother. "Thanks for taking the spirit walk, Sammy. It's good to really talk to you."

Sam smirked. "Well, get on back to your body so we can talk in the real world."

"Sorry, Sam. I don't know if I can do that."

Stunned, Sam babbled, "What? Of course you can. You have to. You have to get better. We've just become brothers again. Dawn's bringing in a specialist. You'll be fixed up in no time. And, what about Buffy?" Dean looked at his brother with an inscrutable expression. "Come on, man. I know how you felt about her. She's back and she's here, waiting for you."

"Dawn," Dean said with a small sigh, "she's really something." Dean crossed the room to where Tessa stood. With a glance to the reaper, Dean faced his brother. "It's better if I don't come back."

"You're wrong. We need you back. I need you back. I can't do this without you." Dean turned away. "What about Buffy? You've got to remember how much better your life was with her in it."

Dean shook his head sadly. "I'm not going to do that to her. She wanted out so badly she let me think she was dead." Sam began to interrupt, but Dean stopped him. "I don't blame her. Look at the mess I made of your life since I came for you at Stanford. Jess is dead, Madison is dead. You had a life, a real life that you always wanted, until I showed up and ruined your chance at a real future. I'm sorry, man. I don't, I don't know why you'd even want me back. I'm a friggin' curse to the people I care about."

"Dean, that's not true."

"At least Dawn was smart enough to stay away." Dean looked away. "Hey, uh, look after my ba-," he huffed quietly, "Right, forgot she was totaled." He looked up at Sam. "Take care of yourself, Sammy. Don't be too big a pain to Dad, all right? He did the best he could."

"Dean? What are you saying, man?" Sam asked though he recognized the 'good-bye' he heard. "Don't you give up. You've got to fight, man. You've got to come back."

Dean saw the bright light of the portal Willow made. He could see the others sitting around Sam's body. He tried to smile reassuringly for his little brother, but Sam's expression told him he failed. "Thank Dawn for me and tell Buffy I'm sorry."

Instantly, Sam found himself back in the center of the circle. He looked from Willow to Dawn and back. "Thanks, Willow." He rose from his spot, turning away from the others as he did. Buffy met his eyes and she immediately knew Dean wasn't coming back.

Excitedly, Dawn stood up and asked, "It worked? You talked to him. Did you tell him about the specialist?"

Sam did his best to school his expression before turning to Dawn. "Yeah, I told him." Dawn kept staring at him expecting more. "He said you were beautiful."

"What else did he say?" Buffy asked quietly as she stared out the window.

"He said to say he's sorry."

* * *

Tessa put her hand on Dean's shoulder. "That was difficult, I'm sorry."

Dean ignored her attempt to comfort him. "Is it time?"

"Nearly. So, you've decided you're going to go?"

* * *

Dean heard Buffy enter the room, but didn't bother looking up. "Gotta say I'm surprised you made the effort to do the dream walk thing, considering your lack of effort when it comes to communicating with me."

"Sam thinks you're not going to make it. That you don't want to come back."

"Sam would be right. Not that I have much choice. I don't want to become something I used to hunt."

Before Buffy could say anything, Dean continued, "Why, why didn't you want me to know you were alive?"

"You weren't there. You promised you'd stay and take care of Dawn, but you left."

Dean nodded to show he understood.

"I hated you for leaving. I hated you for not being there for me when Willow brought me back. I hated that you weren't there to stop them from doing that spell. I hate that you didn't try to bring me back yourself." They were silent for a minute,while Buffy calmed herself. "I know that doesn't make any sense, but it's true. When Willow brought me back I was filled with such rage."

Dean let himself drown in remorse. Quietly, in a voice that remembered all the pain that followed her death, Dean said, "I did try to bring you back." Buffy stilled in shock. Dean cleared his throat. "I, uh, tried to make a deal." He glanced at Buffy, then bowed his head again. "Remember the Robert Johnson story I told you? I went to a crossroads demon, offered to make a deal. Hell, I begged, but she wasn't interested in dealing. Said my soul wasn't good enough; told me that there was no way I was worth the same as a slayer. That I was a fool, to think she'd ever return a slayer from the dead."

Buffy stared mutely at him; stunned at what she was hearing.

"I couldn't live without you, Buffy." He stopped suddenly as he fought with his feelings. "I couldn't. I would get so caught up in you, in how much I loved you," he fumbled over his words, "I'd forget everything else. I always knew I needed you more than you needed me. I mean, you've been alive for years and I probably didn't cross your mind."

"Dean, I told you, I was too angry. But, you -"

"Right. I was angry, too, but I loved you. I was so in love with you. I was ready to, I wanted to spend my life with you."

"I know," Buffy said quietly. She pulled her necklace out from under her shirt. "I found this on my finger when I came back." Dean stared at the charm that was once a ring. "I've never taken it off." She took a deep breath. "The demon couldn't make a deal with you, Dean, because I wasn't in hell. I went to heaven."

"Heaven?" Dean didn't hide his surprise or his skepticism. "There's a heaven?"

"Yeah," Buffy nodded. "And it's just what you want it to be. I don't remember it clearly anymore, but I do remember my mom being with me." She only gave Dean a moment to come to terms with that and then she continued. "Willow did a spell which pulled me out of heaven. She returned me to a Sunnydale overrun with demons. After I woke up in my coffin and had to dig my way out of my grave, I thought I was in hell. I was so scared, so confused. Dawn eventually found me at the tower where the portal opened."

The memory caused Buffy to pause; giving Dean time to realize how alone and afraid she must have felt. Part of him desperately wanted to hold her and comfort her but another part was still too angry.

Buffy needed to stay calm while she spoke. "She took me home and helped me clean up. That's when I saw the ring. The gold was mangled and the diamond cut into my finger. I destroyed it even more trying to get it off my finger. I knew what it was, that it was from you. I went to my room to find you, to find my pictures and letters, but everything was gone. You were gone." She saw her pain reflected in his eyes. "That's when I realized how empty I felt, how alone, how wrong. In heaven, I was happy and safe and loved. In Sunnydale, I was dead inside. Except for anger. I had a lot of anger."

Dean took a moment to walk across the room. He needed to distance himself from her. He was beginning to feel that familiar grip on his heart. How could he let her do this to him again? "Fine. You were mad. I can see that. And I give it a month, two even. But over two years? Why does it take me dying for you to tell me you're alive?" Dean pleaded. "You didn't have to take me back. You could have kicked me to the curb. But you didn't even want me to know you were alive."

Buffy saw the pain in his eyes and hated herself for putting it there. "Dean, I thought I came back wrong. I even had Tara test me."

"Wrong?"

She nodded. "I was so cold and empty. All I had was my anger and I took it out on everyone." She moved closer to him. "Believe me, everyone wanted me to call you, but I couldn't. I couldn't ruin you, us, with what I had become."

Dean looked confused. "What you became?"

"When I was in heaven, I got to relive my favorite moments. And other than my eighth birthday party at the ice capades, you were in most of them." Buffy blushed slightly and huffed a small laugh. "Obviously it wasn't you, it was my perfect version of you, but that doesn't matter. I could relive any moment, our first kiss, San Francisco, prom, the time we spent the whole day in my dorm room." Blushing at the memory, she smiled warmly at him for a moment then tears welled in her eyes. "I was so afraid that if you came back into my life, you would see how wrong I was and you wouldn't want me."

"Buffy, you should have given me the chance."

"I know. I was wrong, I know that, but I was so scared."

Dean shook his head sadly. "You never believed that I loved you. Didn't the ring mean anything? I wanted to marry you, Buffy."

She couldn't look at him. "You moved on."

"You were dead!"

"You did more than cross my mind, Dean, but you fell in love again and you looked so happy. I," she heaved a breath, "I couldn't take it. You forgot me."

"Moved on? Forgot you?" Dean's mind was whirling, but slowly it focused on one thought. "I 'looked happy'? When. When, Buffy, when did you see me looking happy?"

Buffy hesitated. "I, we, live in Cleveland, now. Cleveland's not far from Athens."

"Athens, the Crawford Hall case." Dean said with resigned sigh.

"Yeah, but you got there first."

"Cassie. You saw me with Cassie. I was with her for three weeks. I was with you for over three years!" Dean cared for Cassie, but those feelings paled in comparison to what he had felt for Buffy. He looked at Buffy. "Look around, Buffy, she's not here holding my hand, she's not part of my life. If you think I was ever over you, you're wrong. I never stopped loving you. I never loved anyone else. I died when you jumped from that platform." Dean took a moment to control his emotions, but it was pointless. "I must still be in love with you because you can still tear my heart out. You were close enough to see me, but you still didn't want me enough to let me know you were alive."

"Dean -" She struggled with the urge to hold him, to touch him. She so desperately wanted to feel his warmth wrapped around her again. However, she knew the chances of that ever happening were slim.

"Save it," he said bitterly cutting her off as he saw Tessa enter the room. He took a deep breath as it dawned on him that this was his last chance to talk to Buffy. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you down, sorry I disappointed you. I tried. It was too hard. I couldn't stay there without you. It hurt too much." He cleared his throat. "I couldn't take Dawn with me, away from everyone she knew and loved. That wouldn't have been right, either." Dean nodded at Tessa. "I've got to go and I don't want to go out like a whiny -" he edited himself. He took a breath and plastered on his standard fake smile. "Thanks for coming to see me, Buffy."

"Dean, you're not going anywhere. Get back to your body. The specialist will be here and you're going to get better."

"No, I'm not Buffy." He took a long look at her hoping to hold on to her image for a while. Finally, he looked away and began to walk towards the reaper.

"Where are you going?" Buffy called after him until she too saw Tessa. "Seriously? She's your reaper?"

"You can see her? She can see you?" Dean asked. Tessa nodded.

"Yes. I was dead before, remember? Figures you'd have a cute girl for a reaper."

"Thank you," Tessa said quietly.

Dean turned his back on Buffy. "Is it time for me to go?"

"Yes," Tessa replied quietly. "You can have some time if you need to say good-bye."

Dean barely glanced at Buffy. "No. She's said all she needed to say."

"Take me instead," Buffy insisted.

Spinning to face her, a shocked Dean said, "No. Buffy, what are you doing? No."

Buffy stepped around Dean to face Tessa. "I'm supposed to be dead already. Take me."

Tessa raised an amused brow. "You want to make a deal? Your soul for his?"

Dean grabbed Buffy by the arm and yanked her back. "No, dammit Buffy. It doesn't work that way. You are not taking my place here."

Buffy stared at Dean's hand on her arm. She could feel it. He had moved her. Willow had said that was impossible. "Dean," she whispered now desperate for another chance.

Buffy changed her mind. She no longer wanted to die and she surely didn't want to lose Dean. "If you want him you'll have to go through me."

"Buffy don't. You just sold me on how great the after life is. I'll be fine. Maybe I'll even get to be happy. You know if they don't check the books too carefully." He touched her cheek. "If you ever gave a damn about me, look after Sammy. The demon wants him and it's not going to stop 'til he has him."

"Dean," Buffy pleaded. But, Dean saw the portal open behind her and with all the strength he had, he shoved her back to her realm.

* * *

John knew that with Sam and Buffy doing a 'spirit walk' Dean wouldn't be watching him. Dean won't see him make a desperate plea to save his life. John also knows that Dean would hate that his father even thought to make this type of deal, but that didn't deter him in the least. John reminded himself of everything he had taken from Dean over the years, and began to draw on the concrete of the boiler room floor.

* * *

The words of Willow's spells are taken from Btvs season 4 ep. 21 and 16

 


	10. Chapter 9

**Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Buffy came out of the spirit walk with a start. She felt Sam's anxious eyes on her, but couldn't look at him. Dawn recognized her sister's expression immediately. "No. I don't believe you. Dean is not giving up." Dawn pushed herself up and nearly ran to Dean's room.

Taking his hand in hers, Dawn said, "Dean, you are not allowed to leave us. Not now. I've finally gotten her to see that she needs you."

* * *

  
The demon sneered at John. "You conjuring me, John. I'm surprised. I took you for a lot of things. But suicidally reckless wasn't one of them."

John gave the demon a sneer of his own and leveled the Colt. "I could always shoot you."  
"You could always miss." The demon laughed. "And you've only got one try, don't'cha? Did you really think you could trap me?"

"Oh, I don't want to trap you." John lowered the colt. "I want to make a deal."

The demon scoffed. "It's very unseemly, making deals with devils. How do I know this isn't just another trick?"

"It's no trick. I will give you the Colt and the bullet, but you've got to help Dean. You've got to bring him back." John hoped his plea didn't sound as desperate as he felt.

The demon looked amused. "Why, John, you're a sentimentalist. If only your boys knew how much their daddy loved them."

"It's a good trade. You care a hell of a lot more about this gun than you do Dean."

The demon paused while he studied John Winchester. The hunter wasn't aware of the whole prophecy; he didn't know Dean's role in Sam's future. A new expression covered the demon's face. "Don't be so sure. That brat killed some people very special to me. But still, you're right, he isn't much of a threat. And neither is your other son. You know the truth, right? About Sammy? And the other children?"

John nodded. "Yeah. I've known for a while."

"But Sam doesn't, does he? You've been playing dumb." The demon was finding difficult to hide his glee.

John wasn't there for conversation. He was tired of the demon's delay tactics; his son was dying. "Can you bring Dean back? Yes or no?"

"No." The demon looked away, trying to appear disappointed. He waited until he saw John slump in defeat before he finished his reply. "But I know someone who can. it's not a problem."

"Good." John let relief wash over him. "Before I give you the gun, I'm going to want to make sure that Dean's okay. With my own eyes."

"Oh, John, I'm offended. Don't you trust me?" the demon nearly laughed. "Fine."

"So we have a deal?"

"No, John, not yet. You still need to sweeten the pot."

"With what?" John was willing to give the demon anything it wanted to get his son back.

"There's something else I want, as much as that gun. Maybe more."

John shuddered involuntarily, dread filled him.

* * *

  
Xander looked stunned. "Dean isn't coming back?" He asked, unable to believe what Dawn had so easily assumed.

Buffy still held Sam's hand. "Dean said a demon is after you. Do you know what he's talking about? Why is a demon after you?"

Sam ran his free hand through his hair. "Wants to finish the job? Kill my whole family? Everyone I love? I don't know." Buffy sighed at his frustration, but didn't blame him.

"Finish the job?" Willow repeated quietly. "Sam, what do you mean? What exactly happened to Dean? I thought your family was in a car accident."

"We were," Sam said plainly, but realized Willow wanted the whole story. "We had tracked down the demon."

"The demon?" Buffy interrupted. "The demon that killed you mother? That demon?"

Sam nodded. "Yeah. It got away, we followed. It began to kill people we know, Caleb, Pastor Jim," Buffy's gasp reminded Sam that she knew the pastor. "It wanted to make a deal with my dad; hand over the Colt and no one else dies." Sam suddenly realized that the demon could have made Buffy or Dawn a target. It explained why John was so eager to deal. "My dad agreed to meet with them, but he got taken hostage when the demons realized he gave them a fake gun." He began to gather the few items Willow used for the spell, until she stopped him by grabbing his hand.

"Sam, tell me about the demon."

"We thought we had escaped them, you know, rescued Dad and got to a safe house. But, we weren't safe at all. The demon had possessed my dad. Dean figured it out when my dad demanded the gun. Before Dean could shoot him though, the demon," Sam paused feeling sick at the memory, "the demon tortured Dean and nearly killed him. Finally, my dad regained control and I shot him, but the demon escaped."

Willow could barely breath she was so overwhelmed. If she had only known. She blinked as she returned to her senses. "The demon did this to Dean? I thought a truck hit -"

"Yeah, the semi, driven by another demon, hit us as I was driving Dean to the hospital," Sam replied following Willow who was now hurrying to Dean's room.

"The truck driver was possessed, too?" she asked in a whisper that sounded far too happy to learn that information.

"Yeah; Willow, what are you doing?" Sam asked as Willow stood at the foot of his brother's bed.

She turned, smiled brightly at Sam. "I might be able to heal Dean."

"But you said you couldn't," Buffy said quietly. Sam, Dawn and Buffy look at each other in astonishment. Buffy took Dean's hand in hers, squeezing gently.

Xander grabbed Willow's hands. "Willow, no going dark."

Sam placed himself between the witch and his brother's bed. "Willow, don't. As much as I want Dean back, he would kill us if he knew we used black magic."

"I'm not." But she saw the concern on the faces of those in the room. "I promise, I'm not." She took a deep breath before attempting to convince them. "I couldn't heal Tara because it was a human death caused by human means. Like Tara, I couldn't just heal Dean if it was his 'time', if his injuries were caused by a human." She waves her hand over Dean. "All of this was caused by the mystical force, a demon, more than one demon."

"Willow, I saw the reaper that's after Dean. Are you sure you can stop her and heal him?"

Willow blew out a deep breath. "I can try."

* * *

  
 **Sunnydale 2000**

 _Dean never liked Buffy's early morning class until that morning. As soon as she left, Dean was up, dressed and at Giles's door. He rocked on his heels as he waited for the former watcher. A bleary eyed Giles opened the door. "Dean? What are you doing here so early?"_

 _Not waiting to be invited in, Dean shoved past the man into the room. "Buffy had a night terror last night. Just like the kind she had after killing Angel." Dean spun around to face Giles and noticed the man's haggard appearance. "Mr. Giles?" Dean took the man by the arm and led him to sit on the couch. "What's wrong?"_

 _Giles closed his eyes and leaned his head against the back of his couch. "Nothing, I'm fine. You were saying -"_

 _"Fine my ass," Dean retorted, then smirked at his own joke. "You look like hell."_

 _Giles kept his eyes closed but raised a brow at the insult. "Thanks, I didn't sleep well. But you were saying Buffy had -"_

 _"Nightmares. And you didn't sleep well either?" Dean began to pace slowly. "Have you heard from Willow or Tara? Did they have nightmares? Could this be from that spell?"_

 _Giles watched the other man pace and noted his concern with amusement. Taking a deep breath, he began to answer Dean's questions. "I have not heard from either of them, but yes, the nightmares could be a side effect of the spell."_

 _Dean nodded though he didn't like the answer. "Is it going to keep happening, like before?"_

 _"I should think not," Giles hoped to reassure, but he lacked his usual confidence and blamed it on lack of sleep. Giles pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing his glasses to his forehead, when a thought occurred to him. "Dean, is this your way of seeing if Buffy can spend the summer with you again?" He was joking, but he hoped Dean wouldn't pickup on that._

 _"What? No, I was just a little freaked out. I know she can't -"_

 _"Good. Because you know, it's not my place to answer. You'd need to ask her." Giles failed to completely hide his smile._

 _Dean rolled his eyes as he realized Giles was teasing him. "I'll let you get back to sleep. Sorry, I bothered you so early."_

 _Giles stood as Dean got to the door. "Dean, thank you for your concern for Buffy. I'm sure the dreams will pass."_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
A few days later, Dean was saying good-bye to Buffy, again. Every time he left her, he felt like he was leaving a part of himself behind. "You have a couple weeks of school left and finals, you'd be too busy for me anyway."_

 _Buffy pouted and held his shirt front to pull Dean closer. "I would not be too busy," she mumbled. She looked up at him from downcast eyes. "You'll come back this summer, right?"_

 _Dean seemed to stare at her for a minuted before he answered. "Yes. I'll always come back." He kissed her and she released his shirt to wrap her arms around him. Eventually, he pulled back. For some reason Dean didn't understand, he felt nervous. "Buffy, you think you would be able to come with me this summer? You know, road trip with me and -"_

 _"Yes," Buffy answered excitedly before Dean could finish his question. "Let's go somewhere together, just the two of us."_

 _Buffy's smile was so bright, Dean couldn't bring himself to her he had meant with his dad and brother, but he figured it was a detail he could work out later. At the moment, he was too elated to care._

 __

* * *

  
 _  
The month of July, the entire month of July, if there wasn't a job that needed his attention, Dean was going to spend July with Buffy. The best part, they were going to spend it alone. No Dad, no Sam, no Scoobies, no 'baby sitters', just them._

 _He had spent May and June doing everything his father asked; often working above and beyond his father's demands. His new attempt at being the perfect son/hunter made Sam more petulant, but John took advantage, knowing Dean must want something._

 _Buffy worked extra hard in her classes for the last few weeks so her grade point would stay high and please her mother. She patrolled with more diligence now that the Initiative was destroyed. However, Sunnydale was mostly quiet on the demon front. Her extra effort did not go unnoticed by Giles, who had a pretty good idea why the slayer was so attentive to her duties._

 _Upon seeing her daughter's grades, Joyce was thrilled. Buffy moved home for the summer and seemed to be doing everything she could to stay in her mother's good graces. Finally, in late June, Dean called with the news he could spend July with her, if she wanted._

 __

* * *

  
 _  
Joyce was reading in her favorite chair when Buffy got off the phone and joined her in the living room. "Mom?" Buffy was nearly bouncing with nerves. "Can I talk to you a minute?"_

 _Joyce set aside her book to give Buffy her full attention._

 _"I'm in love with Dean."_

 _"Yeah?" Joyce smiled. "Are you sure? You said you had a question."_

 _"Yeah." Buffy sat on the couch. "I mean, yeah, I'm sure. I think I'm sure. I mean, how does someone know when someone is 'the one'?"_

 _Joyce smiled. "I don't know if I'm the one to ask, I don't have the best track record when it comes to romance. But how does Dean make you feel?"_

 _Buffy smiled shyly and blushed. "I don't know. I can't even explain it. I get happy and nervous and I can't wait to see him and I miss him the minute we're apart."_

 _"How does he feel about you?"_

 _Buffy chewed her lip for a minute. "I think he loves me. He doesn't say it often, but it's like all the other stuff he does says it more than if he just says 'I love you'."_

 _Joyce nodded. "Yeah, I would say that's a pretty good indication of how he feels about you."_

 _"That was him on the phone before. He asked if I could take a road trip with him in July." Buffy ducked her head, not wanting to let her mother see just how much she wanted to go._

 _"That should be fun. Where are you going?"_

 _Buffy wanted to squeal with joy. "He said we could plan it when he gets here next week."_

 _Joyce answered the door to find Dean Winchester carrying a squirming squealing girl over his shoulder. "Hi Mrs. Summers. I found this wild critter roaming in your front yard. Do you recognize it or should I take it to the shelter?"_

 _Amused, Joyce shook her head and moved aside to let Dean into the house. "Come in, Dean. Looks like a harmless stray. I'll take her if she stops screeching like that."_

 _Dean carried the girl into the living room and slapped her on the bottom when she began to squeal louder. "Hey, the nice lady said she'd take you if you stop wailing."_

 _She squirmed and began to kick. "Put me down!" Obediently, Dean plopped the girl onto the couch. "Oof!" She bounced and glared at him. "You are such a doofus."_

 _"Doofus?" gasped Dean in a highly over dramatic whine. He put his hand over his heart and sniffed. "That hurts."_

 _Grinning deviously she giggled, "I'll show you hurt," as she pushed herself up from the couch._

 _"Bring it short stuff." Dean crouched, ready for her attack. "But, I should warn you, I remember all your ticklish spots and I'm not afraid to use 'em."_

 _His attacker glanced quickly to his left, but Dean noticed and began to smile. He waited for this new aggressor to make her move. When he felt her hand go to his wrist, he let her spin him to the ground and tackle him. He had managed to grab her with his free hand and pull her down so that she landed on top of him._

 _His assailant giggled. "Ooh, someone's out of practice."_

 _Dean returned her grin. "Or maybe I've got you right where I want you," he replied as he curled up and pulled her into a kiss._

 _They broke apart when they heard an annoyed groan. "Ew, you two are so disgusting"_

 _Buffy glared at her little sister. "No one asked you to stick around, Dawn."_

 _"No one asked you to start making out -"_

 _"Mom! Make Dawn leave us alone!"_

 _Dawn huffed and looked to Dean for support, but at the moment he only had eyes for her sister._

 _"Dawn! Come help me with dinner," Joyce called from the kitchen._

 _Dawn sighed. "Fine. I don't want to stay here and see you two grope each other."_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
Early the next morning, Dean groaned as he lifted another overstuffed suitcase. "Buffy, we're only going to be gone three weeks."_

 _"Exactly. That's a lot of clothing decisions to make," Buffy countered as she eased a case into the trunk._

 _"Laundromats exist in every state, babe."_

 _Buffy stared blankly at him. "So?"_

 _Knowing it was a losing battle, Dean gave up. He grabbed Dawn in a tight hug. "I promise I'll get you something from every stop."_

 _Her eyes lit up. "Really?"_

 _"Yeah. And Sammy will be by before the end of summer, too."_

 _Dean stepped back, but Mrs. Summers stepped forward and hugged him. "Take care of my little girl. Drive carefully."_

 _Her attention made Dean blush crimson. "Of course, Mrs. Summers."_

 _Buffy hugged her family goodbye before climbing into the Impala with Dean._

 _The only decision they had made was to take the Pacific Coast Highway north. They had no destination in mind, no deadline to arrive anywhere. No obligations to worry them. No bad guys to fight._

 _Buffy leaned against Dean, rested her feet on the dash, and relaxed. Dean immediately put his arm around her and kissed her hair. Buffy beamed as she thought, best summer ever._

 __

*********

 _Dean knew he was in trouble a week into their trip. He was completely, hopelessly in love. He thought he was walking around with a stupid grin all the time. He had no idea why she wanted to be with him, but he was going to do everything he could to make Buffy happy. Her smile made his insides jelly, but it was a feeling he didn't want to lose._

 _"What?" Buffy demanded when she caught him looking at her._

 _"What, what?" Dean repeated as he snapped out of his daydream._

 _"You've got that goofy far away look again. What are you thinking about?"_

 _"I never look goofy." Dean tried for solemn. "I have many looks, but goofy isn't one of them."_

 _Buffy just laughed. "Right. Okay. Not goofy." She straddled his lap as he sat on the motel bed. "Then what were you thinking about?"_

 _As she wiggled in his lap, Dean's face lit into a smile. "Well, now I'm thinking something else entirely." He kissed her playfully sucking on her bottom lip._

 _"Before you get too carried away, Bobby Singer called while you were in the shower."_

 _Dean groaned. "What did he want?"_

 _Buffy shrugged, "I didn't answer it." She pushed him back, forcing him to lay down. "I had other things on my mind."_

 _"I like how you think."_

 _She kissed him. "I know." She kissed him again then sat up. "You can call him later." She pulled off her shirt, Dean sat up to kiss her once it was gone. Buffy tugged on his shirt, helping him pull it over his head._

 _Dean knew he was probably smiling that 'goofy' smile again, but he really didn't care._

* * *

  
 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Dean stared after Buffy as she went through the portal before returning his attention to Tessa, only to find the reaper staring after Buffy as well. With a puzzled expression, she turned to Dean. "Who are these people that are trying to see you? The first one, the boy, he was family?"

"My brother. The one that is in danger." His eyes were glued to the people in the room.

Tessa nodded. "And the girl? Was she your sister? Your wife?"

Dean shook his head. "Neither."

Tessa looked towards the figures of Buffy, Sam, and the others. "She has a strong bond with you, though, doesn't she."

Dean turned away then; he walked towards his body. "I can feel her. When she touches me," he pointed to his body, "him, that me, I can feel it." He looked at his hand, the one Buffy was holding, and again it seemed brighter and warmer than the rest of him.

He looked to Tessa for an explanation, but she only gave him a small smile. The reaper touched Dean's arm. "It's time to put the pain behind you."

"What happens next?"

"Sorry, I can't reveal the big ending. Are you ready?" Tessa's tone was patient. "There's no changing your mind later."

"I'm ready," Dean sighed. He wasn't, but what choice did he have?

 **Sioux Falls 2000**

 _When Dean saw his father's truck as he pulled into Singer Salvage, his stomach turned. He wasn't ready for his vacation with Buffy to be over. John Winchester was supposed to be working a case in Minnesota. He was not supposed to be sitting at Bobby Singer's ruining Dean and Buffy's road trip._

 _"Dad, hey," Dean gave his father a brief hug, "I wasn't expecting to see you here."_

 _"I could say the same. Bobby Singer does a lot of things but running a romantic bed and breakfast isn't one of them." John said grinning slightly at how easily that embarrassed his son and Buffy. "What brings you by?"_

 _"Bobby called."_

 _All eyes turned to Bobby. "What? I didn't know you were gonna be stopping, John. I thought you were up in Minnesota."_

 _"I was until Martin Creaser called. He's got a case in Kimball, Nebraska he wants help with. I figure I owe him from that time in Springfield," John replied._

 _"So, you're using me for supplies," Bobby implied._

 _"I'll pay you," John said gruffly, sounding only slightly put out by Bobby's remark._

 _Bobby addressed Dean and Buffy. "A hunter I work with left an item here. I was hoping you could deliver it to your father for me, but since he's here, I'll just give it to him myself." Bobby turned to John. "Since these two were invited, they get the guest room and you can make due with the couch."_

 __

* * *

  
 _  
John left in the morning leaving orders for Dean to pick up Sam in Blue Earth. Dean knew Buffy liked Sam, but it wasn't how he wanted to spend his last week with her._

 _As Bobby Singer watched Dean and Buffy he was reminded of his wife, Karen. He was happy that Dean had somehow been able to convince John to let him spend more time with Buffy. The hunter thought they both deserved some good in their lives considering how much evil they had each witnessed. Almost like he was reading Dean's mind, Bobby offered to pick up Sam._

 _"No, Bobby, you know how my dad is. If he tells me to do something and I pass it off on someone else," Dean said with a shrug._

 _Bobby gave Dean a stern look. "Son, I know Buffy's got to get back to Sunnydale soon. It doesn't make sense for you to drive up to Pastor Jim's then back track back to California, now does it?"_

 _"No, sir, but,"_

 _"But nothing." Bobby cuffed Dean on the head. "You only got so much time to spend with your girl before she starts school again."_

 __

*********

 _Buffy bounded into the yard with the dog at her heels. "I'm ready any time you are, Dean."_

 _As they loaded the Impala, Bobby Singer chuckled. "Well, just let me know where you kids are registered."_

 _Dean looked confused. "Registered? What are you talking about?" he asked making Bobby quietly laugh again. "like for school?"_

 _Buffy grinned, but reassured Dean with a hand on his arm. "What Dean means is that I obviously have to finish school first. But don't worry, Mr. Singer, I'll be sure you're on the invite list." She leaned in to hug Bobby good-bye._

 _Even more confused, Dean looked back and forth between them. "What?"_

 _"For the last time, it's Bobby and I had better be," Bobby said as he released her. He clapped Dean on the shoulder, "Have a safe trip, kids."_

 _"Yeah, sure," Dean said while walking around the Impala to open the door for Buffy. Once he settled into the driver's seat, he asked, "You mind telling me what you two were talking about?"_

 _"Bobby wanted to know when we were getting married, so he can buy us a gift."_

 _The Impala slowed drastically. "M-married?" Dean coughed. "You want to get married?" The car nearly stopped on the side of the road._

 _"Was that a proposal?" Buffy teased, smiling widely._

 _"What? No. I mean..." Dean panicked for a moment but soon thought he was being played. "Well, of course **you** would want to get married, I'm a helluva catch. Who else are you going to find that would take you on exotic vacations or lavish you with expensive gifts?" He tugged on her Singer Salvage t-shirt. "What do I get out of the deal?"_

 _Buffy gaped playfully. "You mean besides the honor of calling me 'wife'?"_

 _"Yeah. You need to up the ante."_

 _Buffy pretended to look worried. "Hmm, I can't cook, I rarely clean, and my job doesn't pay."_

 _Dean shook his head. "Ouch, it's not looking good, babe."_

 _Buffy twined her fingers with his. "Good thing I'd have to finish college first. Maybe in that time I can think of some way to win you over."_

 _"I'm pulling for you, but you've got an uphill battle."_

 _She rested her head on his shoulder, smiling even wider. "My answer is 'yes'; you know, for whenever you get around to asking."_

 _He kissed Buffy's hand and didn't fight the grin he felt covering his face. "I'll remember that if I ever get desperate."_

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

In Dean's hospital room, Willow raised her hands and began to chant, "Osiris, keeper of the gate, master of all fate, hear me. Osiris! Here lies a warrior of the people. Let him cross over. By Osiris, I command you, heal him!"

*********

Tessa placed a hand on his shoulder. "You'll see a light, one that is meant for you, you'll recognize it."

Dean's eyebrows raised comically. "Go into the the light. Not cliched at all."

Tessa's patient smile turned worried as the lights began to flicker. Dean looked around. "Why are you doing that?"

"I'm not." Tessa sensed the demons before the black smoke appeared. "No. You can't come here. You aren't allowed." Dean looked at her in confusion. "Dean run," Tessa pleaded, "Run to the the light. Now. I won't be able to stop him. He's too strong." A cloud of black smoke began to billow towards Tessa. Suddenly, a white cloud joined it, swirling and intertwining with the black smoke around the reaper.

"What? The light?" Dean shouted over the roar in the room.

"Go now, Dean!" Tessa shoved him towards the light.

* * *

  
The dialogue between YED and John and much of the discussion Tessa and Dean have is taken from the episode and the spell Willow performs is from Buffy season six episode 19. 


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

Dean sat up, eyes wide in panic; gasping and gagging around the respirator's endotracheal tube. He released the hands holding his and tried to pull the tube from his throat.

"Get a doctor!" Sam shouted as he moved to his brother's side. "It's okay, Dean, I'm here." Dean's panicked eyes focused on his brother and he let Sam gently push him back. "You're going to be okay."

Willow and Xander rushed from the room. "Doctor! We need a doctor in here, now!" Xander yelled.

All but one staff member left the nurses' station and rushed to Dean's room. The medical staff practically pushed Buffy, Dawn and Sam away while they tended to Dean. One nurse turned to them, finally and said, "Look, all of you, out. We need room to work. We will let you back in as soon as we can. There's a waiting room across the hall for you to use. "

* * *

 **2000 The Impala in Idaho**

 _The Impala headed west through South Dakota and Idaho. When they just couldn't drive any longer, Buffy and Dean stopped at a small western Idaho town. At first glance, it didn't look like much, and on a normal day, it wasn't. But today was not a normal day, today the rodeo was in town and with it, a carnival. The instant Buffy saw the sign, she squealed, "Ooo, food on a stick!" She grinned widely, "We've got to stop!"_

 _"If Princess wants deep fried goodness on a stick, Princess gets deep fried goodness on a stick," Dean replied directing the Impala into the field that had been turned into a parking lot._

 _They spent most of the late afternoon watching the daring rodeo riders. Cheering as loudly as they could for each one. The evening was spent playing carnival games and risking their lives on the rides._

 _Buffy wanted to try all foods offered on a stick, but Dean drew the line at Rocky Mountain Oysters. Buffy pouted until Dean told her what they actually were, then she balked. "Oh my god! I am so not eating that!"_

 _Dean laughed, "How about an elephant ear?"_

 _"Only if you promise it's not actually an ear."_

 _"It's a giant slab of fried dough covered in sugar."_

 _"Sounds absolutely tasty."_

 _Their next step was a bandstand hosting a local band butchering everything from Steve Miller to Radiohead to Hank Williams, Jr. But what they lacked in talent, they made up for in enthusiasm, and Buffy and Dean couldn't complain. Even though Dean insisted he didn't dance, the way Buffy looked twirling in her sundress under the strands of tiny lights, convinced him to dance until the band called it a night._

* * *

 _When the festival closed, Buffy and Dean found themselves in a dilemma. With the rodeo in town, every motel was completely booked._

 _They were forced to make due sleeping under the stars, huddled together under as many blankets as Buffy could haul from the Impala's trunk, while Dean built a small fire. Buffy nestled against Dean, relaxing in the warmth of his arms. "I don't think I've ever seen so many stars."_

 _"Are you warm enough?"_

 _"Mm-hmm," she murmured contentedly, snuggling closer._

 _"You sure? I could get my coat to cover you if you want it."_

 _"Dean, I'm fine. Really." She turned her face to his. "Right now, there is no place I'd rather be than in your arms, under the stars."_

* * *

 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

A cloud of anxiety hung over the group in the small waiting room. They paced, chewed nails, and sighed. Suddenly Sam broke the silence. "My dad, I've got to tell my dad," he paused, looking down the hall towards his father's room then back to Dean's. "I, uh," Sam stepped forward then back immediately.

"Stay here, Sam, I'll go get him," Buffy offered hoping to use the action to burn off some of her nerves.

"What do you think Dean remembers about all this?" Xander asked timidly. "Do you think he remembers the spirit walk and the reaper? Or just the accident beforehand?"

"I don't know," Sam replied. "He was unconscious when the truck hit us, so he doesn't have a memory of that. Willow, any ideas?"

Willow shrugged. "I don't know. Buffy remembered being in," she lowered her voice to a whisper, "heaven. Dean might remember you and Buffy going to talk to him, or he might remember nothing." She saw her answer didn't soothe anyone's fears. "Maybe you should be the only one to see him at first."

"Good idea," Xander agreed instantly. "You can feel him out for the rest of us. We don't want to shock him when he's supposed to be recovering."

Sam nodded his agreement, but then Dawn grabbed his arm. "Will you tell him I'm here?"

"Yeah, of course, after I know what he remembers," Sam answered.

Hobbling on his crutches, John Winchester turned the corner, saw the group gathered in the hall, and instantly became worried.

"Dad, where have you been?"

"Why, what's happening? What's going on?" John asked instead of giving Sam an answer.

"It's Dean, he woke up." Sam watched relief wash over his father.

"Oh, thank god," John muttered and dragged a hand over his head before turning to Willow. "What happened? Did you do this?"

Willow shrugged, "I don't know I tried to call upon Osiris to heal Dean. It looks like it might have worked. He opened his eyes and sat up."

John nodded but his mind thought of the demon. If it thinks it was tricked, what will it do? he worried. Quickly looking around, John spoke quietly, "Thank you, all of you, for being here for Dean, but you've got to leave."

His father's command was too much for Sam. "Dad! Willow may have just saved Dean's life! They don't have to go anywhere."

"I know she did. And thank you," John said to Willow. "The demon we've been hunting, the demon that did this, it's going after our friends, people we care about. You guys just put yourselves in the line of fire. You've got to get out of here, get somewhere safe."

"Mr. Winchester, with all due respect, we've been fighting demons and defeating them for years. I think we can handle this," Xander replied, keeping his voice low.

John faced the other man. "I thought I could, too. Then, the demon possessed me and I nearly killed my son." His eyes pleaded for understanding. " _Please_ go. It's after us. It's not safe for you here. After everything you've done for us, I can't let something happen to you." He looked around, "Where's Buffy? With Dean?"

"No, she went to look for you," Sam answered quietly.

His father's near panicked expression caused Sam's stomach to turn. John looked at Willow. "You know how to do protection spells, devil's traps any of that?"

Both Xander and Willow replied "Yes."

"Good. Go get somewhere safe and put up as many wards as you can."

She looked about to protest, but John put a hand on Dawn's arm. "Sam will keep you informed. He'll let you know how Dean is doing, but Dean'll kill me if the demon gets to you." Again, he turned to Sam. "You said Buffy went to my room?"

"Yeah, she wanted to tell you about Dean."

"Okay, I'll get her. You guys wait here for her. Then you can go someplace safe."

* * *

Buffy crashed into the radiator and fell to the floor. "Please, is that the best you've got?" She pushed herself up and charged at the man with the yellow eyes.

"I'm just getting warmed up, Slayer. Sometimes I like to play with my fo-." He was unable to finish his taunt due to Buffy's fist connecting with his jaw sending him sprawling to the floor. She got in a few swift kicks before the demon grabbed her foot and dragged her to the ground.

He crawled over her with inhuman speed, knelt on her arms, then wrapped his hands around her slender throat. "I'm going to enjoy squeezing the life out of you."

Buffy pulled her arms free and clawed at his hands. "I've killed bigger and badder than you dozens of times. You don't scare me," she choked out as she fought him off.

"I should," he hissed though the slayer was easily shoving him away.

Buffy rolled them over, took his head in her hands, and swiftly snapped his neck. Standing over the body, she was now concerned about disposing the corpse, when the door opened and John entered. Buffy looked at him and shrugged. "Uh, this isn't what-" she stepped around the body.

"That was the demon," John finished for her. He dragged a hand over his face in worry.

"Yeah. He was waiting here for you."

The demon cracked its neck and stood up behind Buffy. "John, having the Slayer do your dirty work when we had a deal? You're not trying to renegotiate, are you?"

"Renegotiate?" Buffy's head spun from the demon to John. "You made a deal? With him!"

"I did it to save Dean."

Buffy sighed in defeat.

"It doesn't matter," she said with determination. Turning to face the demon, she narrowed her eyes. "You didn't save him, Willow did." She prepared to fight, again.

John cringed, he had hoped to keep the knowledge of others' involvement from the demon.

The demon sneered. "Call her off, John. I told you I wouldn't be able to save him, but that I knew someone who could. I kept my end of the bargain. You have to keep yours."

"Buffy, it's okay. He's not going to do anything," John said quietly. Buffy stepped back to stand next to John. "I haven't been to see Dean, yet," he said to the demon. "If I find out you had nothing to do with bringing him back, the deal's off."

"I'll see you soon, Slayer." The demon glared before disappearing and both Slayer and hunter sighed in relief.

"Come on," John said, gently taking Buffy by the arm, "You and your sister have got to get somewhere safe."

Buffy allowed him to lead her, but said, "No. Not until we've seen Dean and know he's going to be okay."

John stopped walking and met Buffy's determined eyes. "That thing is responsible for killing Caleb and Pastor Jim. Until it gets what it wants, it's going to try to kill everyone important to my family." Buffy steeled her expression. "Right now, that's you, Dawn and your friends."

* * *

 **2000 Heceta Head Bed & Breakfast Yachats, Oregon**

 _It was the part of their trip Dean had been looking forward to most. The Heceta Head Bed & Breakfast was right on the coast and offered breath taking views of the Pacific. The sunset celebration was not to be missed. The best part, it was also supposedly haunted._

 _Dean knew Buffy didn't have much experience with ghosts, so he was hoping to cash in on his girlfriend finally being afraid of something and letting him come to the rescue. Though he knew the ghost was probably a hoax, just a way to tempt tourists, the inn also had incredible views and Buffy was going to love it._

 _Buffy's mouth fell open when the Impala pulled into the lot. "This is where we're staying?"_

 _"Yeah, you like it?"_

 _Buffy looked out toward the ocean. "I love it, it's beautiful, but how can we afford it?"_

 _"They're renovating, so the rooms are cheap," Dean replied with a smirk. Renovations usually stirred up ghosts, and he had mentioned to the manager that he was aware a worker quit due to a ghostly encounter. The manager was more than happy to lower the 'construction' rate even further._

 _After checking in, Buffy and Dean explored the grounds. Playfully teasing each other as they got closer to the edge of the bluffs. Buffy screeched as she teetered on the edge, forcing Dean to grab her arm and pull her back. "My hero," Buffy sighed and kissed him. "You know I only did that to get your arms around me."_

 _Dean grinned. "You don't have to risk giving me a heart attack to get me to put my arms around you."_

 _Buffy's attention was momentarily drawn back to the inn. She squinted and said, "I think someone is watching us from the attic window."_

 _Dean spun rapidly to look, but whoever Buffy saw either left or disappeared. "I don't see anyone." He frowned slightly. "What was she wearing?"_

 _"I don't know, something dark. Hey, how did you know it was a 'she' and why do you care what she was wearing?" she elbowed him playfully._

 _Knowing he had been 'busted' Dean confessed. "I thought maybe it was the lady in gray. This place is supposedly haunted by the ghost of a mother who lost her child on these cliffs."_

 _Buffy stared at him with an unreadable expression. "Seriously? You wanted to 'work' on our vacation?"  
"No. It's probably just a hoax for tourists. I thought it would be fun to see her because you don't like ghosts."_

 _Buffy smiled a sly little smile. "And you thought you could save me from the scary ghost?" she teased in a baby talk voice._

 _Dean chuckled. "Something like that."_

 _"Well, it was probably just a guest checking out this amazing view." She turned to face the ocean again. "I bet the sunset is gorgeous from here." He stood behind her with her back to his chest and his arms circling her waist as they watched the waves crash on the rocks below._

 _"The inn provides champagne in each room for sunset." He whispered in her ear as brushed her hair aside and kissed her neck._

 _Buffy arched her neck. "You don't have to promise champagne to get me to want to go back to the room with you," she replied, sucking in a gasp as Dean held her tighter and continued his assault on her neck. Before her knees weakened completely, Buffy suggested they return to the room._

* * *

 _The sun was low and their room was lit in an warm orange glow. Buffy opened the window that overlooked the sunset and propped pillows up on the bed. Dean poured two glasses of champagne and climbed into the bed next to Buffy. Though the sight of the sun sinking into the Pacific was beautiful, Dean's attention was centered on Buffy. She halfheartedly fended off most of his flirtations until the sun was below the horizon, then she pulled him over her. She wondered how anything could feel so perfect._

* * *

 _In the morning, Buffy propped herself up on an elbow and watched Dean sleep. She was so taken with how sweet and innocent he looked that she felt a surge of emotion. She was suddenly aware of how much she felt for him. She wanted to protect him and comfort him and make him happy so that his face lit into that smile that made her melt. She tenderly ran her fingers through his hair; it was too early to disturb him and he looked too peaceful._

 _The sudden blast of Dean's cell phone rudely interrupted Buffy's musing and shocked Dean awake. Buffy rolled over and reached for the offending object on the nightstand. She wrinkled her nose in distaste at the caller ID. "It's Buffy's house," she grumbled._

 _"Better answer it," Dean yawned and rolled over._

 _"Hello, Mom," Buffy sighed._

 _"It's not Mom, it's me," Dawn replied. "I know it's early and I'm not supposed to bother you, but this is an emergency."_

 _Buffy rolled her eyes. Everything was an emergency to her baby sister. "It's fine, what is it?" she didn't bother to hide her annoyance now._

 _"It's, uh, do you have a minute to talk?"_

 _Dean looked up at Buffy's perturbed face and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Buffy sighed again. "Yeah, I guess, but make it fast."_

 _"It's Dad."_

 _Buffy climbed out of bed. "What happened?" Somewhere in her mind, Buffy remembered that her sister was supposed to spend time with their father that summer. Dean sat up with a look of concern on his face, but Buffy shook her head to tell him not to worry._

 _Buffy listened as Dawn informed her of their father's new life and it's impact on their mother. Dean watched emotion wash over his girl's face and knew something was very wrong._

 _"Yeah, I will. Bye Dawn." Buffy hung up and felt like smashing Dean's phone through the wall. She wanted to hurt something to quell the anger rising inside._

 _"Buffy? Is everything okay?" Dean asked cautiously from the bed._

 _"No. Nothing is okay." Her anger was roiling. "Dawn was supposed to spend time with Hank, but when her and Mom got to his house, he was packing." She began to pace as the anger began to rise again. "And I don't mean packing for a trip. He's moving. He and the secretary he was fucking are moving to Spain!" She dragged a hand through her hair. "Can you believe it? Was he even going to tell us? I mean Dawn was supposed to spend the rest of summer with the man and **he doesn't bother to tell her?** My mom drove all the way to L.A. for nothing!"_

 _Dean had no idea what to say all he could think was, "That sucks. Poor Dawn. How's your mom taking it?"_

 _"How do you think? She pissed. She's hurt, she's angry. God, I want to strangle that man. I can not believe him!" Hot tears welled, but were ignored._

 _Dean crossed the room to her. "Hank's an idiot," he said, wrapping his arm around her._

 _Buffy took his comfort for a minute, then drew out of the embrace. "I want to go home." she walked to the stack of suitcases._

 _Dean blinked in surprise, but nodded. "Yeah, sure babe, but don't let this ruin our trip."_

 _Buffy turned and glared. "Oh my god, Dean, this is so not about you!" she sniped._

 _Stunned, Dean backed up. "Don't be mad at me because your dad's an asshole." He knew he didn't get the words right the second her scowl grew colder. "I mean, don't let him mess this up. I didn't leave anyone."_

 _"This from the guy who's always leaving? Dean, we spend more time apart than we do together!" Her suitcase bounced on the bed._

 _Knowing he had to try again, Dean bravely, stupidly, groaned and continued, "Buffy, I meant, of course I'll take you home. Your mom needs you. I just want you to remember that we had fun on this trip. Don't let your dad take that from you. I don't want his leaving to be the only thing you remember." His pleading seemed to have smoothed Buffy's ire a bit. "You know, I don't leave because I want to, Buffy. I never **want** to leave you." _

_She blew out a deep breath. "I know," she mumbled without looking at him._

 _Her expression told him otherwise. He crossed the room and stopped her hand as she stuffed a shirt into her case. "Hey," he gently turned her to face him. "I mean it." He put his fingers to her chin to tip her face so she'd look in his eyes. "I love you."_

 _Feeling like she was about to cry, Buffy sucked in a stuttered breath. Dean moved his hand to her back and pulled her tight against his chest. "God, Buffy, I love you so much, you have no idea."_

 _Buffy drew strength as she lay her head against him. She listened to his heart pounding and let it soothe her._

 _Anxiety washed over Dean. Could Buffy really not know how much she meant to him? He knew Buffy and Bobby were joking the other day, but the truth was he would marry Buffy in a heartbeat if she'd have him. That idea surprised him just as much as her not knowing how he felt._

 _Buffy was right, he did leave her too often and they were apart too much. He knew he was lucky to be with her. Suddenly feeling inadequate, Dean held her tighter._

 _Buffy squeezed him back. "I'm sorry," she whispered into his chest. "I love you."_

 _"You're sorry you love me?" Dean teased, relieved to break the tension he was feeling._

 _Buffy leaned back to smile at him. "No. I'm sorry I want to cut our trip short. I'm," she was taken by the intense look in his eyes, though he was smiling. "I'm not sorry I love you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."_

 _The kiss she received in response made her feel anchored and floating at the same time._

* * *

 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

"Sam?" a nurse addressed the group in the waiting room. "Your brother is asking for you." The phrase caused the entire room to sigh in relief. "You can see him for a minute, but we will be taking him to radiology for some scans as soon as we can. His vitals are strong and he's breathing on his own, but his voice will be hoarse from the tube that was helping him breathe. Try not to excite him."

Sam nodded his understanding and took a deep breath as he entered Dean's room.

"Sammy," Dean croaked, "you're okay. How's Dad?"

Sam just gaped at his brother, of course Dean would be more concerned about him and their dad instead of himself.

"Sammy? Is Dad okay?"

"Yeah, Dean, he'll be fine. I'm fine. It's you we're all worried about. You really scared me, dude."

Dean scoffed at his brother's concern. "What happened? How did I end up here?"

"What do you remember?"

"Just the cabin, then, the demon possessing Dad." Dean concentrated for a minute. He remembered crazy dreams, but that wasn't important to him now. "Did you shoot him? Did you kill the demon?"

Sam looked away. "No. It got away. I shot Dad, in the leg," Sam admitted quietly, "but the demon smoked out before I could kill it."

Dean patted Sam's arm. "Hey, it's okay. It would have meant killing Dad. That's too high of a price, even if Dad is giving you a hard time for it."

Sam marveled at Dean's attempt to comfort him when his brother was the one severely injured.

"Did they tell you when I can get out of here?" Dean coughed, wincing at the pain that caused in his chest.

"Dean, you've been in a coma for days!" Sam handed him a cup of water. "The doctors are not just going to release you because you woke up. You nearly died, man."

Dean rolled his eyes at his overly dramatic brother. He felt pretty good for a guy that 'nearly died'.

A nurse knocked on the door, interrupting the boys' discussion. "Sorry, but Dr. Kuzui has arrived and is insisting we get the patient to the CT room."

"Right, uh, so Dean, I'll just be waiting for you, alright?"

"Okay, man."

The nurse unplugged the monitors and moved Dean's I.V. bag. "Don't get up," she cautioned Dean when he began to move. "I'm going to wheel you around in your bed." The nurse fussed over Dean for another minute. "You know, with the severity of your injuries, that was some car accident. You're lucky to be alive."

Dean's brow knit in confusion. "Car accident?" Sam shrunk and backed away. "Sammy, what car accident?" Sam's eyes widened, his skin paled. Dean's expression turned furious. "Sammy, what did you do to my car?"

The nurse gave Sam a scolding look. "I told you not to excite him," she snapped as she pushed Dean out of the room.

"Sam!" Dean snarled hoarsely.

"I can explain everything, but I guess it's going to have to wait 'til you get back."

* * *

The directive to lay perfectly still made every nerve tingle. Phantom itches bloomed over his entire body. After days of being still, Dean's body wanted to mutiny against this order. Dean did his best to concentrate on other things to get his body to behave.

As the imaging machine hummed and clicked around him, Dean recalled the dreams he had while unconscious. He nearly smiled as he thought of Sam and Dawn trying to talk to him with a Ouija board. What he couldn't figure out was why he'd think of Dawn. They hadn't talked in ages.

Then, there was a cute girl with dark hair who kept reappearing in his mind. For the life of him, Dean couldn't remember where he had seen her before, but the name Tessa seemed to fit her.

There was one persistent thought that Dean couldn't ignore. Buffy. He figured he must have been close to dying, why else would he have seen his dead girlfriend? Dean felt the familiar pang whenever his thoughts drifted to Buffy.

He had a nagging feeling that something was horribly wrong.

* * *

Dr. Kuzui stood in Dean's room comparing the charts with the results of the scans. "This is a case for the books. I've had patients recover from worse brain trauma, but usually after I've had a chance to treat them." He put the stack of scans in Dean's folder. "I can't explain it. The edema's vanished. The internal contusions are healed. Your vitals are good. You have some kind of angel watching over you."

Sam smiled at John who nodded in return. Dean knew from the exchange that something else was responsible for his miraculous return.

Dean gave the man a small smile. "Thanks, Doc."

"No, thank you. Easiest case I've ever had. Looks like I made the trip from Baltimore for nothing." The doctor gave them a parting smile as he left the room.

The moment the door shut behind the doctor, Dean addressed his family. "All right, what the hell is going on? How'd I score a doctor from Baltimore?"

"You don't remember anything since the cabin?" Sam asked.

Unsure if he should mention his strange dreams, Dean answered, "Not a thing, so could somebody please fill me in?"

"A reaper was after you," Sam began.

"How'd I ditch it?"

"We – you really don't remember anything?" Sam asked again.

"No, just this empty feeling like something is wrong." Dean studied his father's concerned face.

"Nothing's wrong, Dean. You've been out for a while. Probably having a hard time getting your bearings." John took a deep breath. "Sam, could you give us a minute?"

Sam gaped at his father in disbelief. "What? I have as much right to be here as you. There's a lot Dean needs to know."

"I know," John sighed, "but I need to be the one to tell him." Sam opened his mouth to argue, but John spoke up again. "Can we not fight? You know, half the time we're fighting, I don't know what we're fighting about. We're just butting heads. Sammy, I, I've made some mistakes. But I've always done the best I could. I just don't want to fight anymore, okay?"

His tone frightened both of his sons. "Dad, are you all right?" Sam asked letting his concern erase his anger.

John nodded. "Yeah. Just," he tilted his head toward Dean, "I've got a lot to make up for."

"Right," Sam nodded, "Dean, I'll be right back, okay, man?"

"Yeah, well, somebody better tell me what the hell is going on."

For a moment John wished he had a bottle of whiskey to help him get through the next few minutes. Slowly, he shuffled to a chair next to Dean's bed. "You know, when you were a kid, I'd come home from a hunt, and after what I'd seen, I'd be, I'd be wrecked. And you, you'd come up to me and you, you'd put your hand on my shoulder and you'd look me in the eye and you'd... You'd say 'It's okay, Dad'." John paused. "Dean, I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"You shouldn't have had to say that to me, I should have been saying that to you. You know, I put, I put too much on your shoulders, I made you grow up too fast. You took care of Sammy, you took care of me. You did that, and you didn't complain, not once. I just want you to know that I am so proud of you."

"This really you talking?"

John smiled sadly, "Yeah. Yeah, it's really me."

"Why are you saying this stuff?"

John smiled wistfully. "I never wanted this life for you, either of you. I wanted you to have a home. I wanted Sammy to go to school." He took a moment. "I want you to watch out for Sammy, okay?"

"Yeah, Dad, you know I will. You're scaring me."

"Don't be scared, Dean. You really don't remember anything?"

"For chrissakes, Dad, what is going on?"

John knew he had amends to make and not a lot of time, so he decided to dive right in. "All of us were unconscious when we were brought into the hospital. The staff went through our stuff for our identification and contact information." John could tell that meant nothing to Dean. "They found a number in your wallet for Dawn Summers and assumed she was family. She took the next flight out here."

"Dawn? Dawn's here?" He thought it had been a dream, but had he actually seen Dawn? And if Dawn had been real...

"Yeah, and so is everyone else."

"Everybody else?"

"Dean, I've got to tell you some things and I need you to hear me out."

* * *

I took John's speech from the episode "In my Time of Dying". It's always been one of my favorite scenes. Most of what the doctor said is from that episode, too.

Osiris was the god in the Supernatural season 7 episode "Defending your life", but he was also the god Willow called upon in Buffy season 6 episode 20, when Tara was shot, which is why I used him here.


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

Buffy fumed while the elevator took them to the parking level. Just who does John Winchester think he is? I'm the Slayer. I've been doing this job for over seven years. Dusting vamps, killing demons and even stopping an apocalypse or two. He thinks I can't handle ol' yellow eyes?

When the elevator doors slid open, Buffy said, "We are summoning this demon. We are trapping this demon. Then we are destroying this demon."

Willow shot Xander an amused look; Buffy hadn't been this determined in quite a while. Xander smirked behind Buffy's back. There's the Slayer he knew. "You sure you can take him?"

Dawn hid her grin. She knew Xander was cheer leading, but she was also aware her role was to be concerned sister. "Yeah, Buffy, you've been shot. You're not at full strength."

"Exactly," Buffy answered, stopping the trek to the rental car and turning to face her friends. "Even with my shoulder not at one hundred percent, I was able to fight this guy. Even though killing the person it's wearing didn't kill him, I know it can be done." She turned to her true go-to person in a crisis. "Willow?"

"I'm going to need some supplies," the Wiccan replied. "Some acacia, oil of Abramelin, candles, chalk, should be pretty easy to find in town. Any store that-"

"Stuff's already here," Dawn interrupted. "Mr. Winchester asked Sam for that stuff. I picked it up the other day."

Xander was perplexed. "Winchester wanted to summon the demon but he didn't kill it?"

"He did summon it, then he made a deal. His life for Dean's," Buffy replied without any emotion.

Willow stopped walking. "I don't know if we can alter the deal, Buffy. The results may kill Dean."

"I don't care about the deal," the Slayer said coldly. "I only care about killing the demon."

"Buffy," Dawn cautioned, but was cut off by her sister's stern look.

"Dawn, Sam told you the demon said it had plans for him and kids like him." Dawn nodded wondering where her sister was going with this line of thought. "I end the demon and its plans are ended; Sam and the others are safe."

"But what about Dean?"

"The demon didn't save Dean, Willow did."

Willow saw no point in arguing with Buffy so she turned to Dawn. "Did you buy enough of those supplies for me to use, or do we need to get more?"

"There should have been plenty, but they might be in John Winchester's room."

"Good thing you're good at sneaking around and stealing stuff, baby sister, 'cause it looks like you've got a job to do," Buffy said with a smirk before turning to Xander. "I don't want to just exorcise this guy, I want to kill it. So, Xan, any ideas?"

"We can't get to the scythe in time, and we can't use the Winchester's gun," he mused. They had turned around and were heading back into the the hospital, when Xander had an idea. "What if we keep him trapped until we can get our hands on a weapon to kill it?"

The women stopped walking to think about what Xander was saying. "You mean keep him trapped indefinitely in a devil's trap?" Buffy asked. "And what, just hope no one sees this guy or lets him out?"

"No, it will be more like a genie in a bottle." Xander read the hospital directory. "Where should we do this?"

Willow checked the directory and the floor map. "Basement," she said pointing to the boiler room on the map. "Safest place; less staff, fewer interruptions"

Buffy studied the map. "Right. Dawn and I will get the supplies and meet you there.

* * *

  
 **2000 Sunnydale**

 _Joyce Summers was rubber band stretched to its limit. As a single mom of two daughters starting school within the week and a gallery show to prepare for, she didn't have time for a headache. She rubbed her temples and took several deep breaths, leaning against the kitchen sink._

 _"Are you all right, Mrs. Summers?"_

 _Joyce turned from the sink to see Sam Winchester's worried expression. "Yes, Sam, thank you, it's just a headache." She smiled weakly hoping it reassured him._

 _"Have you had your coffee today?" he asked. When she gave him a confused look, Sam continued, "I was reading somewhere that if coffee drinkers don't get enough coffee, they can get really bad headaches." He didn't think Mrs. Summers had a hangover like his father often had._

 _"Hmm, I guess I'll have another cup and see if it helps. It couldn't hurt anyway."_

 _"I'll do it if you want," he said then pulled out a chair. "Why don't you sit down and take a break for a minute."_

 _Joyce smiled at him. "Thanks, Sam, you don't have to do that."_

 _"I don't mind." Sam set about preparing the coffee maker and getting Joyce's mug from the cabinet. Joyce relaxed in her chair; it was nice having someone take care of her for a change._

 _There were a few minutes of blessed silence before the storm burst through the door. "But you have to, Mom said," Dawn shouted. Buffy and Dean followed her into the room. Dean gave Sam a look that warned him to stay quiet._

 _"Ugh! Mom, do I really have to take Dawn with me today? She ruined my training yesterday -"_

 _"Did not."_

 _"Did too. I'm not going anywhere near the mall. Just the Magic Shop and then training with Giles."_

 _"Mom, can't you take me shopping? I don't want to go to Hogwarts!"_

 _Sam laughed at her joke, making Dawn feel all tingly inside. It was even better when he noticed that Buffy and Dean looked confused and said, "Geez, crack a book once in a while."_

 _"Dawn, I would take you, but I have to prepare the gallery for the show tonight. I just don't have time."_

 _"I can take her," Sam offered quietly. "I mean if Dean doesn't mind dropping us off, I can help Dawn get her supplies together."_

 _Joyce gave Sam such an appreciative smile he immediately blushed. "You would? You wouldn't mind?"_

 _"No, not at all," he shrugged nonchalantly._

 _"Dean?" Joyce turned to the older Winchester, "would you mind driving them to the mall?"_

 _"Of course not, Mrs. Summers. Be happy to."_

 _Sam place the mug of freshly brewed coffee along with two aspirin in front of Joyce and received another grateful smile. "Come on, Dawn,let's take a look at your list and see what we've need to get."_

 _As they followed Sam and Dawn out of the kitchen, Buffy nudged Dean. "What was that about?"_

 _Dean shrugged and waited until Sam was out of earshot. "Sam's never been a big brother and he's never had a mom. I think he's adopting your family."_

 _"Aww," Buffy gushed, "now I wanna hug him now."_

 _Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that's just what he needs. More attention from the Summers women."_

* * *

  
 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

Dean stood at his window, arms crossed in front of him. He knew it wasn't painless for his dad to tell him about Sam, but that didn't make it easier to take. He had been charged with taking care of his brother his entire life. Now he was supposed to stop him from becoming evil. Sam, evil? Dean wanted to laugh. Sam didn't even kill spiders, he favored catching and releasing them outside.

He didn't want to consider the drastic measure his father told him might be necessary.

Hearing his father admit to knowing that Buffy wasn't dead, was nearly as difficult.

 _"I know sorry's not enough."_

 _"Why didn't you tell me?"_

 _"You were in such a dark place after she died, I didn't want you to go through that again. I knew you were hurting, but she's a slayer and her death at the hand of a demon is inevitable. I couldn't bear to watch you go through it again."_

 _"Knowing she was alive would have put me out of my misery, Dad," Dean's bitterness wasn't lost on John. However Dean was more bothered by the thought that Buffy hadn't wanted him to know._

 _"Dean, she was brought back with some sort of magic. I know you know that's not right. I made her stay away. I'm sure she would have come to you sooner if I hadn't."_

 _Dean shook his head and looked away from his father. John realized it would take a long time for his son to forgive him._

 

Now, standing before the window, Dean wondered if what he thought were dreams from his time in the coma were actually memories.

"Hey, should you be out of bed?" Sam's worried voice came from behind him.

Dean felt a smirk forming. "I'm fine Sammy," he said turning to smile at his brother, "but if it'll make you feel better, I get back to my bed."

Sam shut the door, then walked over to the chair by Dean's bed. "So Dad told you?" Dean's expression told him nothing. "He told you about Buffy?" Dean nodded slowly. "I swear I didn't know man."

"It's okay, Sam. What I don't understand is why she's here. Why, after all this time, is Buffy ready to tell me she's alive?"

Sam shrugged. "I guess you'll have to ask her."

"Yeah, I'll get right on that."

Dean's sarcasm wasn't lost on his brother. "Willow and Xander flew out, too."

Dean shook his head bemused. "I don't understand those people. Why would they bother to come here? We have exactly stayed close."

"They're your friends, Dean."

"No, they're not. We haven't been friends in years. I'm just some guy that dated a girl they knew. Hell, it's not like we exchanged Christmas cards." Sam huffed a small laugh. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what?"

"I think I do remember some stuff, but it's all jumbled in my brain. I'm not sure if I was dreaming something or if it's a memory."

"Okay, ask away, I'll try to answer what I can."

"You and Dawn tried to talk to me with a Ouija board, right?"

Sam grinned, "Yeah, you remember?"

Dean nodded. "Then you and Buffy did this thing where you were with me for a few minutes."

"Yes, Willow did a spell and sent us into the nether realm." Sam was more excited than Dean over the memories.

Dean was quiet for a few minutes. "Something's not right, Sam. The reaper was right there. I was checking out -"

"But that's when Willow did her spell and was able to bring you back."

"No, I mean, maybe, but what I'm getting at is there was black smoke, like when a demon smokes out of it's meat suit. And the reaper, she seemed angry about it."

Sam stared at his brother for a minute. "Dean, Willow promised she wasn't going to use black magic. She wouldn't just lie about it." Sam fell silent as he thought. "I'm going to call Bobby. I remember Willow's spell, for the most part. I'll see if he knows anything about it."

"Yeah, good, sounds like a plan. Get me some clothes, too. And see if you know when they are going to let me out of here. I freaking hate hospitals."

* * *

  
 **Sunnydale October 2000**

 _Buffy paced the length of her house, holding an ice pack to her temple. She had just been handed her butt in a one on one battle with a crazy strong fashion victim calling herself Glory, while trying to save a monk. A monk who told her Dawn isn't her sister but some sort of mystical key turned innocent helpless human._

 _Buffy had only been trying to learn if there was a paranormal cause to her mother's headaches, she hadn't gone looking for this._

 _Dawn walked by snacking on a bag of chips. "Go get an apple," Buffy ordered, snatching the chip bag from her sister's hand._

 _"Hey, I was eating those."_

 _"Yeah, and now you're going to eat an apple. Then, you can have the chips."_

 _Dawn groaned and turned to the kitchen calling over her shoulder, "God, you're so bossy."_

 _"I'm supposed to look after you, so I'm looking after you."_

 _"Whatever."_

 _Buffy watched Dawn do as she was told, though she made a face as she walked by eating the apple. It was then Buffy realized that even though Dawn annoyed her, she annoyed her as a sister. She wondered how those monks created the memories, but at the same time understood that she loved her little sister and wouldn't let anyone harm her._

 _However, Buffy knew this wasn't a secret she could keep to herself. Something wanted to hurt Dawn because of what she used to be. Giles and the others had to be told how important Dawn was and that she needed protecting._

 _There was one person she dreaded telling. He hated supernatural beings and may want to hurt Dawn because of it. Nervously, she twisted the silver band she wore. It was a habit she fell into whenever she thought of Dean._

 _She told herself it would be okay, that he would understand, but she was prepared to defend Dawn to her dying breath if Dean tried to hurt her. Knowing him, he would break up with her like he did when Angel returned. But if that's what it took to keep Dawn safe, Buffy would forget about Dean._

* * *

  
John Winchester waited in his room, knowing the demon would make it's appearance soon. He retrieved the Colt and placed it on the small table. For a moment he regretted his decision to strike a deal. Not because he didn't want to save Dean, but he had always hoped to see Mary again.

 **Mother's Day 1983 Lawerence, Kansas**

 _John found Mary standing at her vanity, studying something she was holding in her hand. "What's that you've got there, Mary?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder._

 _"My mother's wedding ring." She held it between her fingers for John to see._

 _"What are you going to do with it?" John knew he had to be careful. Mary was still hormonal from giving birth to their second son, and with it being Mother's Day, probably nostalgic for her late mother. He certainly didn't want to upset her, yet he couldn't help but notice that the ring had a nice diamond and would certainly ease their money troubles._

 _Mary reached up to caress John's cheek. "Well, it looks like I'm not going to have a daughter to pass it on to, so I guess I should hold on to it until Dean's ready to give it to some girl."_

 _"He's four," John chuckled, brushing her hair aside to kiss her neck._

 _Mary giggled. "I know, but it'll happen some day and I want to keep this in the family." She spun in his arms to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Someday he'll look at a girl the same way you look at me. Promise me you'll keep it for him."_

 _"Promise." Like he could deny her anything when she looked at him with those amazing eyes smiling at him."But do you think there will ever be a girl worthy of your Dean?" he teased._

 _Mary laughed. "Absolutely not. But miracles do happen John."_

 _"He'll be lucky to find a girl half as amazing as his mother."_

* * *

  
 **Cheyenne, Wyoming December 2000**

 _Dean stared at the B movie late show on TV, tired of dealing with his brother's complaints, and depressed about not being in Sunnydale for the holidays. He didn't even want to answer his phone. It would either be his father telling him he was delayed, again, or it would be his girlfriend sounding as depressed as he felt. His temper couldn't handle either one at the moment._

 _During their most recent call, Dean could tell something was really bothering Buffy, but she wouldn't tell him what it was. Just like he kept details of his life from her, he knew she never wanted to burden him with her troubles or worry him about her slayer duties._

 _The movie ended, but Dean was too restless to sleep. Sam was sound asleep on the other bed, sugar induced coma. He turned on the bed side lamp and re-read Buffy's most recent letter. Even though they spoke nearly everyday, Buffy would still write to him. Her letters were filled with plans for their future and would fill Dean with hope like he never knew before. If he could make just part of her dreams come true, he'd be happy. He never let Sam or his dad know he received letters let alone kept them. He could hear Sammy teasing him, just thinking about it._

 _The sound of John's truck tore Dean away from his musing. Quickly, he slipped the letter back into his pack. A moment later, his father hurried through the door with a flurry of snow swirling around him. "Hey, Dad," Dean whispered._

 _"Dean, didn't expect you to still be up," John replied in a hushed voice. Dean shrugged in response. "Well, it's a good thing you are, I wanted to talk to you." John plopped into a chair and took off his boots and coat._

 _"Wanna beer?' Dean asked, wondering what his dad wanted to discuss with him and knowing it probably wasn't good._

 _"Yeah, get yourself one, too." Dean returned with two beers and hoped his dad couldn't see the nerves on his face. "Sorry I got back so late. I didn't expect that storm to drop so much snow."_

 _"It's no big deal, Dad."_

 _John studied his son with a raised brow. Dean was good at hiding his feelings, but John knew he had hoped to see Buffy over the holidays. "Yeah, well, I made a stop I didn't tell you about." He reached into the duffel he had at dropped at his feet earlier. "I stopped at my storage locker on the way here. I thought it might be time I gave you something I've been holding onto since you were a kid." John chuckled at Dean's confused expression, then tossed a small package at his son. "Catch."_

 _Dean snagged the package out of the air as it was pitched his way. "What is it?" he asked looking at John._

 _"It's something your mom wanted you to have. Open it."_

 _Dean opened the tattered box to find a diamond ring. He looked at his father in astonishment. "What the – what is this?"_

 _John shifted uncomfortably in his chair and scraped a hand down his face. "It was your grandmother's, your mom's mom. Your mom wanted me to keep it for you, so that someday you could give it to your girl."_

 _Dean looked at his dad as if the man had grown three heads. "You're kidding, right?"_

 _John sighed, "No. I mean, I'm not exactly sure how you feel about Buffy, give it to her or don't. Either way, you're old enough to look after your own things. I figured if I kept that much longer, I'd end up selling it."_

 _Dean silently studied the ring. He felt a strange lump form in his throat. His mom had thought about giving him a ring that long ago? He had never met his grandmother, he only remembered a story or two. She had taught his mother how to bake. She had green eyes like him. That's all he remembered, now he was holding her ring._

 _"If you do plan on giving it to Buffy, you'll have to change the band," John said nonchalantly. "Your grandfather had it engraved with more than just initials and it's worn kinda thin."_

 _"Thanks, Dad," Dean said not taking his eyes off the ring, "but I wasn't even thinking about anything like this."_

 _"Well, marriage has probably crossed her mind, and before you tired to scrape together enough cash for a ring, I thought I'd pass this one along. Like I said, it's yours. Your mom wanted you to have it. And, I figured if I'm going to be late, it should be for a good cause." John finished his beer and stood. "I'm gonna get cleaned up and hit the hay."_

* * *

  
 **Sunnydale January 2001**

 _The chair in the lounge had seen better days. When Dean sat in it, he collapsed much further than he expected. He knew Buffy had a class in that hall, but he wasn't sure when it would be over or if she'd even take this route out of the building. But, he had nothing to lose, if he missed Buffy here, he'd catch her at her dorm. He didn't hear a bell, but suddenly the hall was filled with students._

 _Buffy froze when she saw him. It had been only twenty four hours since they spoke and he hadn't said anything about making the trip to Sunnydale. She bit her lip to stop the smile she felt covering her face. She felt like a character in a romance novel, she wanted to run into his arms._

 _The corridor thinned out and Dean finally saw her approaching. He met her smile with a wide one of his own. "Hey."_

 _"Hey, you didn't tell me you were going to be able to visit!"_

 _He took her hand and tugged her onto his lap. He brushed her hair back and pulled her in for a kiss. Lost in the moment, they didn't stop until they heard, "Get a room."_

 _Breaking from the kiss, Dean chuckled, "I've got one, you know."_

 _Buffy smiled glassy eyed. "Mine's closer and doesn't have Sam."_

 _Dean captured her lips in another kiss and whispered, "Mine doesn't have Sam or Willow, but it does have magic fingers and a king sized bed."_

 _"Yours wins."_

 __

 *****11***11*****

 _Buffy had Dean's sweater off within minutes of entering the motel room. Every eager move she made, Dean tried to slow her down. Finally, she groaned in frustration. "What? Why do you keep stopping me?" she asked after he batted her hands away from the button of his jeans._

 _"Because," Dean replied, tenderly cupping her face in his hands and kissing her, "I want to make this last." He kissed her again, letting one hand comb through her hair while the other slid down her back. "I want to take my time." He lifted her hair and gently began to kiss and suck at her neck. "I want you to enjoy every minute," he murmured into her skin._

 _"Oh god,"Buffy mumbled as he kissed her neck. Her hands went from the warmth of his chest to the waistband of his jeans. Dean's hands cupped her butt and pressed her to him causing her to gasp as she felt how much he wanted her._

 _The only time he broke from the kiss was when he slowly pulled her sweater over her head. He swept her off her feet and gently placed her on the bed. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?"_

 _Buffy reached for him, "Do you know how much I love you?" Dean's eyes darkened when she spoke, and Buffy's heart kicked up a notch. His plan to take it slow was nice, but Buffy wanted him right then, she couldn't wait any longer. When he returned to placing his too soft kisses on her neck and collarbone, Buffy felt heat rising inside her. "Please Dean." He stopped and met her eyes again, this time with such a reverent expression Buffy couldn't speak._

 _"Buffy." Her name escaped his lips was more a breath than a word. Dean felt his skin heating up just from her simple touch, and he struggled for a way to slow down. He wanted long enough to get his head together and to be in control again._

 _They spent the afternoon tangled together, neither willing to move apart or ruin the moment with thoughts of the outside world. Outside the motel room, the sky grew dark and Buffy knew she would have to leave. She didn't want to tell Dean why she had moved home, but she couldn't put it off any longer._

 *****11***11*****

 _Less than an hour later, Buffy was nervously wringing her hands in her living room while Dean cam to terms with her first bombshell._

 _"A brain tumor? Shit, Buffy, I don't even know what to say. That's, that's awful." Dean dragged a hand over his face. No wonder Buffy had seemed so worried and distant when they spoke on the phone. "What do the doctors say?"_

 _"They want to operate." Buffy tried to keep the worry out of her voice. "They say she has an excellent chance if the operation is successful."_

 _"Well, that's good, right?" He tried to sound hopeful. He put his arm around her and hugged her gently._

 _Buffy nodded, then pulled away. "There's more. I have to tell you about Dawn."_

 _Dean recognized Buffy's defense tactic, and knew it wouldn't be good news. "It's okay, Buffy, you can tell me. What about Dawn?"_

 _Buffy told Dean what the monk had told her about her sister and waited for Dean's reaction, certain he was going to want to hurt Dawn. "But I remember her being a kid," Dean muttered as he tried to understand what his girlfriend was saying._

 _"All fake memories created to make us care about her."_

 _"So, she's not really your sister?"_

 _Before she could divulge anything else, Buffy was interrupted by Dawn's horrified, "Buffy!" Dawn raced up the stairs and slammed the door to her room._

 _Dean saw the agony on Buffy's face. He knew the feeling. Any time he had been forced to disappoint Sam he would feel the same. As Buffy went after her sister, Dean stopped her. "Let me talk to her."_

 _"Go away!" Dawn shouted from behind her door._

 _"I'll just climb through your window if you don't let me in your door," Dean replied._

 _Surprised to hear Dean's voice, Dawn opened the door. "What?"_

 _"Can I come in?" Dawn moved aside to let Dean pass. "Thanks." He looked around the room and took a seat on her bed. "Don't be mad at Buffy. We promised a while ago to not keep secrets from each other. She had to tell me."_

 _Dawn sat on the floor, but next to him. "So, now you think I'm a freak."_

 _"Yeah," Dean admitted as he slid off the bed to sit next to her, "but not more than I did before." Dawn tried to move away but Dean quickly put his arm around her and forced her to stay. "I mean pickles and peanut butter? Who does that?" He saw Dawn almost smile from the corner of his eye. "Look, Squirt, I know you think you're this mystical ball of whatever, but to me, you're Dawnie, my girlfriend's sneaky little sister."_

 _"But I'm not real."_

 _Dean pretended to look shocked. "Well, you were real enough to bust me sneaking out of your sister's room a few years ago." Dawn was about to argue, but Dean continued, "Only a real live pain in my butt could blackmail me into buying all these god-awful *NSYNC posters."_

 _Dawn sniffed and wiped her eyes._

 _"Who cares how you got here, Dawn. You're here and you're real and we love you."_

 _Dawn wasn't sure if she could believe him, but she said, "Thanks, Dean."_

 _He stood up and held a hand out to her. "Yeah, well, someone's got to keep an eye on Buffy when I'm out of town. Who else is going to be my spy if not you?" He hugged her and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "Now, go make up with your sister. I didn't drive this far to put up with her being all emo."_

* * *

  
 **2004 Shiloh County Hospital**

Willow finished the chalk symbol, placed several candles and a black bowl around it. She checked first on Xander, then on Buffy. From their positions, they nodded that they were ready. Willow, as she said the spell, slid a knife across her palm, drawing blood, and dripping it on the bowl. She lit a match and dropped it in; the sand in the bowl flared and went out.

Azazel appeared inside the Devil's trap drawn on the floor. "How dare you summon me to trap me, witch! You're not strong enough to hold me!" His eyes flashed yellow as he sneered at Willow.

Willow ignored his taunt and continued to chant, keeping the demon trapped in the circle. Buffy inched forward and Azazel spoke again. "Slayer, what do you think you are going to accomplish with these parlor tricks? Hmm?" He slowly turned to her. "You hurt me and lover boy dies."

Buffy kept her features calm, but her voice was icy. "I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to end you."

"Ha!" the demon jeered. "You and who? Cyclops, here?" he jerked his head to where Xander was 'hiding'. "Or witchy poo? I don't think so, darlin'. I far higher up the pay grade than anything you've ever dealt with. The Master? Glory? Child's play compared to me," he growled. "My game plan is in motion. You can try to stop me, but you can't stop my end game."

"Blah, blah, blah," Buffy retorted calmly. "Talk, talk, talk. You big bads are all alike." She stepped closer. "You monologue so much you don't pay attention to your surroundings."

As she spoke, a rope wound its way around the demon and a gag wrapped around its mouth. Xander stepped forward to slip a sack over the demon's head. Buffy looked beyond the trapped demon to smile at her sister. "Nice work, Dawn."

The girl grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. "I do what I can"

 *****11***11*****

In his hospital room, John Winchester's thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a thin, pale man dressed in black. "John Winchester, I presume?" the man asked politely as he walked further into the room tapping his cane.

"Yes, I'm John Winchester." John moved to put the table between the man and himself.

The man glanced at the Colt and pursed his lips before meeting John's stare. "You have disrupted the natural order of things, Mr. Winchester. I don't like it when humans think they can do so without consequence."

"I assure you, I didn't mean to," John said as he warily raised a hand towards the gun on the table.

"Didn't you?" The man stepped towards the window, ignoring John's move towards the Colt. "You were willing to trade your soul for your son's life, weren't you?" he asked over his shoulder.

John cleared his throat and kept his nerves from his voice. "I may have offered a trade."

The man tapped his cane on the floor. "Your 'offer' caused injury to one of my favorite reapers. That is something at which I take offense." He turned to glare at the hunter. "The entity with whom you dealt is currently indisposed, and therefore, cannot complete the deal."

John gasped; what did that mean for Dean? In the hall, an alarm and a nurse called, "Code blue!"

The man in black checked his cuticles before tapping his cane to regain John's attention. "I, however, still need a soul, Mr. Winchester."


	13. Chapter12

 

 

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Xander wheeled a coffin behind the bound Azazel and held it still while Buffy flung the demon's meat suit inside. “You sure that will hold him?” Dawn asked from her 'look-out' position.

“Yes, Dawn,” Willow replied. “All those markings on the coffin are various demon traps. He can't smoke out while that sack's on his head and that rope is tied around him.” They watched Xander lock the coffin. “Now, he can't get out until we let him out.”

“Good.”

“What's next?” Buffy asked.

“Next, Dawn and I go pick up the van I rented and you and Willow stand guard. Then, Will and I drive this thing back to Cleveland,” Xander said matter-of-factually. “Are you two going to be okay here on your own?”

Buffy and Dawn exchanged looks. “I think so,” Buffy answered sounding much more sure than she felt.

Willow put a comforting arm around her friend. “Hurry back, Xander. I don't like hanging out in morgues.”

“Right, we'll be back in less than an hour. Come on, Dawn.”

Once they left, Willow squeezed Buffy gently. “How are you, really?”

“Scared to death.”

“Hm, why's that?”

“I didn't think this was going to be so hard when I left Cleveland.” Buffy stepped out of her friend's embrace. “Dean's hurting and angry. I didn't think--”

“How did you think he'd feel?” Willow tried to keep her emotions in control as she interrupted her. “Dean loved you and you chose not to be with him. Of course he's going to be hurt. Did you think you were just going to pick up where you left off, like nothing happened?”

“No, of course not, no.” Buffy sought understanding in her best friend's eyes. “I didn't expect that I would feel anything. I haven't felt anything in so long, I had forgotten what it's like to love someone so much.”

“Oh, Buffy,” Willow sighed sympathetically.

“Will, you should have seen him. When I spoke to him, he actually apologized for leaving Dawn. He told me he tried to make a deal to bring me back.” Buffy closed her eyes to will away the tears threatening to fall. She had to change her focus or she'd breakdown completely. “Willow, there's something else, Dean could touch me. When I was on the spirit walk, we could feel each other. He touched my arm and he pushed me back to you guys. How was he able to do that?”

“I don't know. That shouldn't have been possible.” Willow looked baffled. “He was able to move you?”

“Yeah, I could feel his hand.” Buffy retraced his hand on her cheek. “Do you think he'll remember our talk while he was under? By now Sam or John have told him I'm not dead.” She wrung her hands. “Do you think he'll want to see me?”

Willow wanted to tell Buffy what she wanted to hear, but she had to be honest, also. “Buffy, you broke his heart,” she watched Buffy react to that, but decided to keep talking, “before you died, when you died, and when you decided not to tell him you came back. If it was the other way around, would you want to see him?”

Buffy's hand went to her necklace. If it had been Dean who had returned from the dead..... “Yes,” Buffy answered finally. “I would.” She began to smile. “I'd want to kill him, but then, I'd just want him back in my life. I love him.”

Willow shook her head in amusement. “Well, it's about time you figured that out.”

Buffy looked duly chastised. “He's going to kill me.”

Willow nodded, but smiled. “Is he worth it?”

Buffy smiled wider. “Yeah, totally worth it.”

 

 

 

 **Sunnydale 2001**

 

 _At sixteen, Dean faced down a werewolf, nerves of steel, he pulled the trigger sending the silver bullet through the beast's heart in one shot. At twenty, he helped his girlfriend stop an apocalypse. Since then, he had nearly lost track of the number of ghosts, demons and supernatural beings he'd put to rest. Still, he couldn't remember being more nervous._

 _Dean hated hospitals. Hospitals meant something had gone terribly wrong; someone had gotten seriously hurt; someone was close to death. However, Dean wanted to do this right, so visiting Mrs. Summers was something he had to do_

 

 _“Hey, Mrs. Summers, how’re you feeling?” Dean asked as he quietly entered her room. He put his flowers on the small table. “Are you up for a visitor?”_

 _Dean’s friendly smile made Joyce return one of her own. “Dean, it’s so nice to see you. Come, sit down.”_

 _Dean smiled. “Are you feeling better?”_

 _“Yes, thank you. I am,” her tired smile belied her condition. “You just missed Buffy.”_

 _“That’s okay. I’m here to see you.” Dean sighed and ran an hand over his head. He smiled sheepishly at her. “I was hoping to ask you something.”_

 _Joyce studied him carefully. He was barely making eye contact and he had rubbed his palms on his jeans twice. If Dean was this concerned about something, Joyce was worried. “What is it, dear?”_

 _Dean couldn’t read Joyce’s expression and he suddenly felt a lot less confident, so he changed the topic. “Sam's real worried about you. He wanted me to tell you that if he could, he'd be here. Um, he and my dad are in Missouri.”_

 _A fond smile covered Joyce's face when Dean mentioned Sam's concern. “Thank him for his concern, but the doctors say I should be just fine after the operation, and there's nothing he could do here.”_

 _Dean nodded and began to anxiously play with the ribbon on her flowers. “Yeah, I told him, but,” he shrugged, “Sam gets worried anyway.”_

 _The boy's nerves were beginning to bother Joyce. Whatever he was there to say must be terrible. After he almost knocked over the vase of flowers, Dean jumped up and dried his palms on his jeans, again._

 _“Dean, is something wrong?”_

 _“No!” he realized he spoke too loudly and too suddenly. “No, I just hate hospitals,” he added in a more normal volume._

 _“Oh,”Joyce sighed in relief. “That's good. I mean, who doesn't? I know I'd rather not be here.”_

 _“Do you know when you'll get out?”_

 _“No, it depends on how the operation goes.”_

 _Dean nodded. “I told my dad, so he knows I'm going to stay in town until you're on your feet again.”_

 _“I appreciate that, Dean. I'm sure Buffy does, too.”_

 _They were quiet for a minute and then Dean spoke again. “I know I'm supposed to talk to Hank, but since he's a dou--- a jerk that Buffy wants nothing to do with, I figured I should talk to you.” he fidgeted again then stammered,“I, uh, I want to ask you for you permission to ask Buffy to marry me.” Dean misread Joyce's surprised expression. “I know I don’t have a lot to offer…” he said quietly, edging away, wanting the floor to swallow him whole._

 _Joyce's mouth fell open in surprise and she blinked a few times to be sure she hadn't imagined the scene before her, then she beamed, “Oh, that’s wonderful! But, you don’t need my permission.” Joyce saw the insecurity in his eyes and reached for his hand, “Dean, all anyone can offer is their heart, nothing else matters.” Dean felt the color rise in his cheeks. “Do you have a date in mind?”_

 _Dean cleared his throat, relieved and surprised at the same time. “No, ma’am. I haven’t even asked her yet. She needs to finish school and you need to get well.” Joyce nodded. “But, I do have a ring.” He stood and pulled a box from his pocket, then handed it to Joyce. “It was my grandmother's and I've got to fix the band, but at least it's a ring.”_

 _She opened the box and sighed, “Dean, it’s beautiful.” After a moment, she put a hand over her mouth to cover her laugh, “It’s so you.” Seeing Dean’s confused look, “It’s a princess cut.”_

 _“I don’t know what that means,” Dean wrinkled his brow._

 _Joyce’s warm smile comforted him. “It’s the shape of the diamond, the way it's cut,” she said as she closed the box and returned it to him. “It’s perfect, Dean. Buffy’s going to love it.”_

 _“Thanks, Mrs. Summers.” Dean blushed, though he felt assured by her words._

 _“You know, there's a store downtown, Prittchard's, it's just a few blocks from the gallery, they can re-size that band for you.”_

 _“Thanks, but I’m not going to ask her until you’re better, so,” he shrugged and got ready to leave. “I guess I should go so you can rest.”_

 _“Have you told your father?”_

 _Dean shifted his weight, “I figure I've got to get her to say 'yes' before I tell anyone else.”_

 _Suddenly Joyce was fighting tears, she whispered, “Thank you,” making Dean felt even more uncomfortable and insecure again. After a fortifying breath, she said, “You know, Buffy thinks she has to do everything herself. She takes on more than she should. You're the only one who makes her take a step back and see that others can help.” She smiled at the unnerved man before her. “When I see her with you, I see my daughter, not the girl who thinks she has to save the world. It makes me feel so relieved to know you'll be there to take care of her.”_

 _Dean tried to give her a smile in return._

 _“Don't worry, Dean, she’ll say 'yes'.”_

 

 **Singer Salvage 2004**

Bobby Singer inventoried the parts the Impala was going to need to be restored to her near perfect condition. He knew Sam was right, if Dean recovered, he was going to want the car. “If?” Bobby shook his head, “when” he reminded himself. He couldn't bear the thought of Dean not recovering.

Bobby looked around his home, it wouldn't take much to turn that back room into a place Dean could recuperate. The door was wide enough for a hospital bed to fit through, if needed, and being on the ground level, Dean wouldn't have to do stairs. Yeah, Bobby nodded to himself, the boy could recover here. Bobby had just decided to ready the room before ordering the parts for the car, when his phone rang. He swallowed down his fear that it was Sam calling with bad news and prayed the boy would have good news.

“Hey, Bobby.”

“Sam, tell me you're calling with good news, boy. How's Dean? Any changes?”

“Yeah, Bobby. He's awake.”

“Well, thank god,” Bobby sighed, letting relief wash over him as he took a seat. “How's he doing? What do the doctors say?”

“He's doing fine, Bobby, that's kinda why I called.” Sam told Bobby about Buffy and then about how they had crossed over to talk to Dean. Finally, he told him about Willow's spell. “Bobby, is that dark magic? Willow promised it wasn't, but something doesn't feel right.”

Bobby studied the words Sam had repeated to him. “I don't know for sure, but, I don't think so. It's old, ancient even, but I don't think it's black magic.” He heard Sam sigh in relief. “I'll look into it, though, to make sure.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

“You boys need anything else? Because I'm coming in to see boy wonder's miraculous recovery myself.”

After saying good bye, Bobby let all of Sam's revelations wash over him. Dean was alive and he was going to be okay. Bobby didn't think there could be better news. The news of Buffy's return had the man just as afraid as the news of the Winchester's accident had. He rarely agreed with John's parenting ideas, but he could understand keeping Buffy's resurrection from Dean. Losing her once nearly killed the boy. Dean wouldn't survive losing her again.

 

 

 **Sunnydale 2001**

 _Dean patrolled Restfield cemetery practically hoping to run into a vampire. Ever since he returned to Sunnydale to help Buffy after Joyce died, there was so much stress Dean need the release a good vampire dusting would bring._

 _When he had made it to the far end, he swore he heard Buffy's voice. He hid by a large oak and listened. “Dean is so stupid. I could never love him, not like I love you. You're so strong and so much more handsome. Dean's an ugly warthog compared to you.”_

 _Dean cocked his head, that sounded like Buffy, but Buffy would never call him an ugly warthog. She had more colorful words to describe him when she was angry and lately she hadn't been angry. He risked a peek around the tree._

 _“Can we have the sex again? I love having the sex with you.”_

 _Dean swallowed an astonished gasp. That looked like Buffy and sounded like Buffy, but that couldn't be Buffy. He stepped out from his hiding spot to confront his girl and the guy with her. “What the hell is going on here?” he demanded, even more incensed when he saw that the guy was Spike._

 _Buffy turned to him. “My true love and I are going to have the sex out here under the stars.”_

 _Dean tugged Buffy's arm. “The hell you are.” When Buffy didn't move, he looked at Spike. “What the hell is going on? What did you do to her?!”_

 _Buffy swatted at Dean's hand. “Spike did all sorts of wonderful things to me. I love him and he loves me and we're going to be together forever.”_

 _Dean's brows couldn't go any higher. “That so?” he asked, again turning to the vampire. “Spike?”_

 _The vampire smirked. “It's not what you think, hunter.”_

 _That explanation fell on deaf ears; Dean was studying the girl next to him. “Buffy, look at me.” The girl did as she was told and Dean's eyes narrowed. Something was very off with Buffy. “You have some dirt on your face,” he said as he rubbed his thumb over her cheek, his mouth falling open as he did. “You're – you're a – holy crap. You made a sex doll out of …..” Dean spun in rage towards Spike only to find the vampire running away. “You better run you bastard!”_

 _“Oh, no!” Buffy-bot whined. “Where's my lover going? I need him.”_

 _Dean dragged a weary hand over his face and sighed. “Um, why don't you let me make a call? I'll find out where he went and take you to him.”_

 _The bot beamed at him. “Oh, thank you. I don't know what I would do without Spike.”_

 

 _At the magic shop a half hour later, Willow had found how to switch off the Buffy-bot, but Dean was far from done being angry. “This is why we need to dust Spike,” he said pointing to the sex-bot._

 _“He obviously has an unhealthy attraction to you, Buff,” Xander added as he examined the doll's hair._

 _“It's just like the doll Warren made. I bet he's the one who made this for Spike,” Willow added as she walked around the inanimate Buffy-bot._

 _Buffy shuddered. “It looks exactly like me.”_

 _“No, it doesn't,” Dean snapped. “The eye color is off, that mole is in the wrong spot and it talked like a complete airhead.”_

 _Buffy smiled at him before wrapping her arms around his neck. “And that is why I love you,” she said as she leaned in to kiss him. Dean was a little stunned by her sudden public display, but didn't pull away._

 _“It could prove to be useful,” Giles said as he brought over a box large enough to store the robot._

 _Dean was beyond shocked at the watcher's comment. “Dude, no. If anyone deserves a Buffy sex-toy, it's me.”_

 _Buffy raised a brow. Currently amused by her boyfriend, she waited for him to put his foot in his mouth. Dean saw her look and knew he had to think fast. “Because I'm gone so much.” Her look challenged him to continue. Dean ignored Xander's quiet, “Dean,” warning and went on. “It could stay here in Sunnydale, while you drive off with me,” he finished with a smile._

 _“Nice save,” Buffy smirked and put her arms back around him._

 _“That's not such a bad idea,” Giles mumbled. “Willow, can this thing be re-programmed?”_

 _Willow shrugged.“I don't know, but I guess I could try.”_

 _“Either way, I'm killing Spike,” Dean said with a finality that Buffy knew not to argue._

 

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

“I am not the patient creature your poets and story tellers make me out to be. In fact, my patience is wearing thin.” The man in black raised a brow at the hunter's lack of attention. “I am owed a soul. Let me remind you, your son is living on borrowed time. However, it was your deal that caused harm to my reaper.”

John kept his face turned towards the door. He had always demanded so much from Dean and his son had never let him down. John felt he could finally pay his debt. With a deep breath, he faced the other man. “What brought Dean back? The deal I made or the spell the witch preformed.”

The man studied John in curiosity, what could it possibly matter which brought his son back? “Not that it matters, but my reaper is responsible for your son's return. The witch's spell only healed him.”

John nodded. “Thank you.” He took a final look around, placed the Colt and his journal in his coat. “If you're willing to accept my soul for his, I'm ready.”

The man nodded curtly. “Very well, follow me.”

 

 **Sunnydale May 2001**

 _Dean checked his watch. He should have just enough time to pick up the ring and get back to Buffy's house without her knowing a thing. He almost wanted to leave the Impala running to insure a quick get away._

 _The clerk at Prittchard's jewelry counter looked intrigued when Dean approached. Guys that looked like him, didn't shop for jewelry; guys like him used shopping as an excuse to get her number. Angela was very pleased that she had decided to pick up an extra shift, and even more pleased that her blouse showed just the right amount of cleavage to keep him interested. “Hi, can I help you?” she asked in her most velvety voice._

 _Dean smiled. “Yes, you can. I'm here to pick up a ring. It was being re-sized.”_

 _Angela batted her lashes. “Of course. Name?”_

 _“Winchester.”_

 _“I'll be right back Mr. Winchester.” Angela sashayed to the back room, returning a moment later with a small box. With a bright smile, she said, “Here it is, Mr. Winchester.” Then she opened the box for Dean to examine the ring. “That's a beautiful ring. You have one very lucky girl.”_

 _“Thanks, but I'm the lucky one.”_

 _“Aw,” Angela gushed,“that's so sweet. I wish more guys were like you.”_

 _“Uh, yeah, well, if you could just wrap that up, I'll be on my way.”_

 _“Of course. Do you have your receipt?”_

 _“Sure.” Dean padded his jean pockets, then rifled through his jacket pockets, then flipped through his wallet – no receipt. “Uh, okay, I seemed to have forgotten the receipt.”_

 _Angela returned the ring to the box and placed the box in the locking cabinet under the register. “I'm sorry,” she said sounding truly disappointed. “I can't give you the ring without the receipt. Store policy.”_

 _Dean momentarily panicked. “You don't understand. I have to get that ring tonight.”_

 _Angela shrugged. “Sorry. There's nothing I can do.”_

 _Dean took a moment to think, then gave Angela his most charming smile. “Angela, you've got to help me. This is supposed to be a surprise for my girlfriend. This is my only night off this week.” It wasn't a lie, Dean told himself, sneaking away from Buffy and the others was nearly impossible._

 _“Sorry,” Angela gave him a flirty pout, “I could get in big trouble if I don't have the receipt to turn in. What if you're not really the guy who ordered the ring? If some other guy comes in claiming the ring is his, I could lose my job.”_

 _“I wouldn't want that to happen,” Dean said as he ratcheted up his smile and leaned on the counter. “I could really make it worth your while if you bend the rules this one time.”_

 _“Well, I don't know,” Angela bit her lip in thought. “I'll go ask my manager.”_

 _“You do that, sweetheart. I'll wait right here.” Dean watched her walk away before checking to see if security cameras would catch him getting into that cabinet._

 

 _Having just paid for new tan slacks to replace the ones Dawn spilled coffee on that morning, Buffy was surprised to see Dean at the store. He had told her he would patrol by the warehouse district. She watched in jealous anger as Angela gave Dean her 'flirty' pout and she watched as Dean smiled and checked out Angela as the girl walked away._

 

 

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Sam Winchester was just returning to the floor from his call with Bobby when he saw the medical team rush into his father's room. “Dad!”

Hearing his brother's shout, Dean rushed into the hall to follow Sam to their father's room. The brothers were immediately shoved aside as medical personnel rushed to John's aid.

 

 

**Sunnydale May 2001**

_Buffy tossed another of Dean's shirts towards the duffel bag on the floor of her room. “That bastard! He's lucky I've got Glory to deal with or I would tear him apart.”_

_“Buffy, I'm sure it's not what you think,” Willow said in a feeble attempt at calming her friend._

_“Ha! It is exactly what I think! It's always exactly what I think when Dean lies. He's an irresponsible lying jackass.”_

_“Buffy, you don't know what he was doing there.”_

_“Oh, I know,” Buffy retorted. “I didn't need to stick around and see it with my own eyes, but I know. I have seen that look before.” She glanced around her room for anything else that belonged to Dean. She carelessly stuffed his belongings in the bag and dragged it down the stairs. She opened her front door and tossed the bag onto her porch, slamming the door behind her._

_Dawn cautiously approached her. “Buffy, don't you think you should give him a chance to explain?”_

_Buffy spun on her heel and glared at her sister for a minute. The longer she stood there, the more she felt like crying. But, then she heard the Impala's engine. Getting her emotions under control, Buffy said, “Dawn, don't let him in. Just tell him to go.” Dawn was about to protest but Buffy pleaded, “Please, Dawn, I can't face him right now.”_

_Buffy went to her room, telling herself she wasn't hiding, she was simply avoiding, when she heard Dean's “What the hell?” from the front porch. Dean tried the knob and found it locked. “Buffy?” he asked as he pounded on the door._

_“She doesn't want to see you,” Dawn replied from the other side._

_“Dawn, what the hell is going on? Why is my stuff out here? Is she kicking me out?”_

_“Give the boy a prize,” Willow said dryly._

_“Why?! What happened?” Dean shouted as he backed off the porch to see if Buffy's bedroom light was on._

_Willow spoke through the door, “She saw you, Dean, and she's not in the mood for more lies.”_

_Dean's eye's widened. “What do you mean 'saw me'? Saw me where?”_

_“Does it matter?” Willow asked as Dawn answered, “Downtown.”_

_Dean cursed quietly. He picked up his duffel bag and left._

_Buffy listened from her room as the Impala drove away. Willow knocked at her door, “Buffy?”_

_“I'm okay, Willow, I just want to be alone.”_

_Buffy wasn't alone for long. Dean climbed through her window a moment later only to have to dodge everything Buffy could throw at him. “Buffy, let me explain...”_

_“Explain? You mean lie.”_

_“No. I will tell you the God's honest truth, I swear, then if you want me to, I will leave. Just give me five minutes.”_

_Buffy stood poised with her clock ready to throw. She looked at her clock. “Two minutes.”_

_Dean took a deep breath. “Dawn said you saw me downtown, so you must have seen me at Prittchard's.” At Buffy's expression, Dean knew he was right. “Okay, so if you saw me at Prittchard's, you probably saw me with Angela.”_

_“I so don't need to know her name,” Buffy said with a glare._

_Dean held his hands up and backed toward the window thinking he was going to have to spoil everything. “Did you go through my stuff when you tossed it out?”_

_He was worried about his privacy? That's some nerve, Buffy thought. “No, jerkface. I really didn't want to know what I'd find.”_

_Dean nearly smiled, she hadn't found out about the ring. “If you would have, you would have found a receipt from Prittchard's. The receipt I didn't have which made me have to sweet talk Angela to let me pick up something they were fixing for me.”_

_“Sweet talking the sales girl? Is that what you're calling it?”_

_“Look, I know I lied to you about where I was going and what I was doing, but it's hard to keep a secret around here.” He sighed and bowed his head and for a moment Buffy thought he looked truly sorry. He looked up and asked, “What did you think I was doing?”_

_Buffy closed her eyes to gather her strength. “Dean, it doesn't matter. I don't have time for this. I can't work things out with you right now. I've got to take care of Dawn, now.”_

_“Did something happen with Dawn?” he asked urgently._

_“Yes, her school called. I had to meet with the principal. Dawn's been skipping class, forging my signature, she's close to failing some subjects, and the principal threatened to turn our case over to Social Services.”_

_Dean's mouth fell open for a second. He hadn't thought Dawn's trouble making was too bad, but he knew from experience that getting Social Services called was a big deal. “I, I'm sorry. I didn't know, you never told me.”_

_“Well, I'm telling you now. I can't deal with two irresponsible children. I've got to focus on Dawn. I've got to protect her from Glory, from everything.”_

_“Hey, I'm not that irresponsible. I'm not the bad guy here. I was only --”_

_“Right, of course not,” Buffy huffed in sarcasm. “You're not a good influence on her, that's for sure. All your stories just encourage her to skip school. You aren't where you say you are when you say you're going to be there.” She glared at Dean for a moment. “I can't worry about whether you're happy right now. I can't worry that I'm not the perfect girl for you. I just can't. I've got too much going on. I've got to raise Dawn and keep her safe. I've got Glory closing in and no way to stop her. I need you to leave.”_

_Dean felt like he'd been punched in the gut; all the air was sucked from the room. He stood there dumbly, unable to think of a way to make Buffy see she needed him or how much he needed her. Everything was spinning out of control. He nodded mutely, not able to trust his voice, and did as she asked._

 

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Buffy entered the room nearly silently and found Dean standing at his bedside looking at a book. He was alive and looked okay and Buffy thought her heart was going to explode she was so happy. “Hey,” she whispered not wanting to disturb this dream. 

Dean looked up, his face a mask of bitterness. “What are you doing here?” 

His tone made Buffy stutter. “I, I wanted to see if you were really okay.” 

“Okay? Since when do you care?” Dean raised and incredulous brow. “You know, I didn't ask for any of you to be here. I didn't ask you to pay my bills or get me a specialist. I don't want anything from you.” He dismissed her by returning to the journal that lay open of the table before him. 

“I know you don't,” she said calmly. “I, when the hospital called Dawn, she said she was flying out. I just had to come. I had to know you were going to be all right.” 

The only response Dean gave her was a cold stare. He knew he had hurt her, had let her down, but that paled to how broken he felt. His anger was pouring off him in ceaseless waves. “I changed my mind. I do want something. I want you to leave.” 

“Dean..” 

“Now. Please. Leave.” 

Buffy's only response was to stutter. “D-Dean.” 

“Get out!” he growled. 

Suddenly, the floor nurse was there, taking Buffy's arm and directing her out. “Miss, please, I can't have you disturbing my patient.” 

Buffy looked from the nurse to Dean and back and mumbled “sorry,” as she followed the nurse from the room 

In the hall, the nurse placed a comforting hand on Buffy's back. “Look, people deal with grief in different ways. The boy just lost his father. I'm sure when he's had some time, he'll be willing to let you visit.” 

 

 


	14. Chapter 13

**Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Dawn went to find Sam as soon as Buffy told her John had died. She found him in the lobby talking to Bobby Singer.

“Don't worry, Sam,” Bobby said quietly, “I'll take care of everything.”

“Sam?”

Sam turned to Dawn and began to lose the battle to keep his tears from falling.

Dawn hugged him tightly. “I'm so sorry, Sam.”

Bobby gave Sam a small pat on the shoulder and left Dawn to comfort the boy.

 

Somehow, Dawn was able to hold Sam as he crumbled in her embrace. They sat in the hospital's uncomfortable lobby chairs and Dawn listened while Sam told her what happened.

 

 **13~13~13~13**

 

Buffy stood in the bright sun of the parking lot and placed a call to Willow.

“Kill it.”

“What?” Willow asked.

“Call Faith. See if she can meet you with the scythe and kill that thing before it does anymore damage.”

“Buffy, what happened?”

“John is dead.”

“Oh god, Buffy. What happened?”

“I don't know. He was fine and then he was gone. It looks like the demon was able to enforce the deal.”

“How's Dean?”

“He's alive and angry.” Buffy didn't want to think about how the look on Dean's face tugged at her heart. “Willow, all I can do for them now is kill the thing that did this to their family.”

"But, Buffy, if the demon was able to take John's soul to hell, it might be the only thing that can get him out again," Willow suggested though she had really like the idea of destroying Azazel.

Buffy groaned. "Fine. It lives. For now. We'll make it tell us about John's soul, then we'll kill it."

 

 

 **13~13~13~13**

 

Bobby went to John's room to gather the man's belongings. When he tucked John's journal under his arm, he discovered the Colt laying beneath it. As Bobby was about to put the revered weapon in his back waist band a throat was cleared behind him.

“Sorry, but I believe that belongs to my father,” a nurse said.

Bobby turned with the weapon ready to shoot, but the possessed nurse was faster. The gun was torn from his grip and Bobby was tossed across the room. The nurse disappeared as quickly as she had arrived.

“Balls,” muttered the grizzled hunter as he pushed himself up. He gathered the journal thinking that at least he had that to give to the boys.

 

 **Sunnydale May 2001**

 _The day after Buffy kicked Dean out of her house, Willow tried to explain the fight to Tara. “Buffy caught him in a lie. He was downtown, flirting with a girl at a department store.”_

 _Tara shook her head. “That's so hard to believe.”_

 _Willow looked incredulous. “You don't know Dean.”_

 _Tara was stung by Willow's words. She may not have known them as long, but she felt she knew Buffy and Dean pretty well. “I just meant I know he loves her.”_

 _“Not enough to not cheat.”_

 _“Are you sure he was cheating?”_

 _“This isn't the first time he's lied to Buffy or been caught with another girl.”_

 _Tara nodded weakly. “Did anyone ask him why he was there or why he lied?”_

 _“You're not seriously taking his side in this, are you? Don't you think Buffy has enough to deal with without wondering if her friends are going to betray her like her boyfriend did?”_

 _Tara gasped at Willow's accusation. “I'm trying not to take sides. I just don't want to see anyone hurt.”_

 _Willow sighed. She didn't want to fight. She looked around the quad and found Dean reading fliers on a bulletin board. “Well, there he is. Why don't we ask him what he was doing?” She marched over to him with Tara in tow._

 _Dean cringed when he saw them, but didn't leave in case they had news about Glory or Dawn. “You guys here to turn me into a toad or something?”_

 _Willow appeared to be considering it, but Tara shook her head and answered, “No. But I do want to know why Buffy thinks you cheated on her.”_

 _Dean looked like he was about to be sick. He turned to Willow. “She thinks I cheated on her?”_

 _Willow shrugged. Truthfully, no one knew what Buffy thought as she locked herself in her room and hadn't spoken to them since last night._

 _Dean sighed. “It doesn't matter, if it's what she believes. She doesn't trust me. She thinks I'm irresponsible.”_

 _Tara touched his arm. “Tell us what happened.”_

 _“I guess Buffy saw me flirting with a sales girl. But, I was only trying to pick up something I had there, and I didn't have the receipt.” He shrugged. “I thought I could sweet talk my way into getting the girl to bend the rules for me.” He gave them a weak half smile. “I'm only staying in town to help with Glory. I'm not leaving even if Buffy wants me to.”_

 _“I know we could use your help with Glory. What are you doing on campus? Looking for Buffy?” Willow said finally feeling some empathy for him._

 _“No, I was looking for cheap housing,” he said indicating the board. “I figured a couple landlords around campus might be getting desperate.” He pretended to look at a paper in his hand. “I don't suppose you two could put a spell on me so I don't feel – ,” he saw their disapproving looks, “Right, I didn't think so. I'll just get going.”_

 _As he walked off, Tara and Willow exchanged looks. “He certainly seems sorry, and depressed,” Tara said._

 _Willow nodded. “And like he was telling the truth.” She turned to Tara. “Wait here, I'll be right back.” She raced after Dean. “Dean!” When she caught up with him she asked, “What were you buying at Prittchard's?”_

 _“I wasn't buying anything. I was picking up something I needed fixed.” Willow was clearly waiting for more. “It was nothing, Willow. I guess, I should be glad this happened so I didn't make a complete fool of myself. Again.” He studied Willow for a second. “I love her, Willow. I didn't cheat on her, I couldn't. I didn't realize she thought I was bad for Dawn.”_

 _“Buffy didn't really mean that. She's under a lot of stress. She's even dropping out of school,” Willow said quietly._

 _“She shouldn't do that.” He felt guilty. He should have been more helpful with Dawn. He gave her a pained smile. “You be good to Tara,” he said looking in the other girl's direction. His features changed instantly. “No! Get away from her!” he yelled as he practically shoved Willow and raced towards Tara._

 _In shock, Willow turned to follow him and saw Glory torturing Tara. Glory laughed as Dean approached and effortlessly flung him into a tree. Willow quaked with fear and rage, but began to chant, “By force of heart and mindful power, by waning time and waxing hour, I echo Diana, when I decree That she I love must now be free!” Glory released Tara and disappeared. Willow ran to her girlfriend. “Tara?”_

 _Dean pushed himself up and joined Willow. “Tara?” When neither of them got a response, Dean gingerly lifted Tara from the bench. “Let's get her to the hospital.”_

 **13~13~13~13**

 _As the doctor left Tara's room, Buffy arrived with Dawn, Xander, and Giles following. “Willow, I am so sorry,” Buffy said as she hugged her best friend. “I can stay as long as you need me. Xander said he and Anya can look after Dawn.”_

 _“I'm so scared,” Willow whispered as Buffy hugged her._

 _From his chair in the far corner, Dean watched Buffy. He wished he could leave without her noticing, but he knew that was impossible. Especially when Dawn said, “Dean? What are you doing here?”_

 _The hunter shrunk. “I was just leaving,” he replied quietly avoiding eye contact with all of them._

 _Willow stepped forward and hugged him. “Thank you, Dean. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there.”_

 _Dean stiffened under the attention and pushed away. “Let me know if there's anything I can do.” He squeezed Willow's hand and left the room, but he took a seat down the hall. He wasn't going to stop watching over Tara or Dawn, and it didn't matter what Buffy said._

 _He waited until Tara had been admitted for the night before he cautiously approached Buffy. “Uh, I can give you and Dawn a ride home if you want.” He looked around. “Where's Willow?”_

 _Buffy couldn't believe Dean was still there let alone willing to chauffeur them home. “Willow went for coffee. She was looking to go all payback on Glory, but I talked her down.”_

 _Dean looked down the hall and nodded but then his expression turned skeptical. “Okay, so then where is she?” Buffy shrugged but began to see what Dean was thinking._

 _“She wouldn't go after Glory alone. I told her it wasn't safe. It'd be suicide.”_

 _“I would. I'd do it in a heartbeat if it was you or Dawn or Sam,” Dean said plainly. “I'd have been long gone. And I wouldn't care what Glory did to me, I'd take her on anyway.”_

 _Buffy's eyes became huge as she listened to Dean. “Take care of Dawn for me.”_

 _“Always,” Dean answered as Buffy ran to find Willow and Glory._

 **13~13~13~13**

 _Dawn scowled at Dean the entire ride to her house. Once inside, Dean tried to ease the tension. “I suppose you going to try to talk me into letting you stay up to watch the late movie or something.”_

 _“What really happened between you and Buffy? I thought you said you loved her and that you belonged together.”_

 _Dean sighed, “Well, what I want and what your sister wants are two different things.”_

 _“Yeah, you want a sales chick at Prittchard's.”_

 _“No, I don't.” He collapsed into a chair too depressed to defend himself._

 _Dawn took a seat on the couch. “Can I still be friends with Sam if you and Buffy aren't together?”_

 _“Of course you can,” Dean replied swallowing a lump in his throat. “Sam's probably going to hate me, too.”_

 _“Good.” Dawn nodded. After a minute she added, “I mean good that Sam and I can still be friends, not that he'd hate you.”_

 _Dean nodded a little. “Gotcha. What about you? You hate me, too?”_

 _“Yeah, I don't know, but I've got to take Buffy's side in this. She is my sister.” Dawn paused as she thought and a frown formed. “She's not really my sister though, is she. I mean, I'm not real so she's not really my family, so I guess it doesn't matter which side I take.”_

 _“Dawn, don't say that. You know that's not true.”_

 _“It is true. And you know what else is true? I'm the reason for all these bad things that have happened. I'm the reason you and Buffy fought. I'm the reason Tara is in the hospital.”_

 _“No, you're not Dawn. How can you even think that?”_

 _“I got in trouble in school and Buffy had to meet with the principal. Buffy was really mad for the the rest of the day. She was angry with me, but she took it out on you.”_

 _“Dawn, --”_

 _“It's true,” Dawn continued, but she was about to lose the battle to tears. “And Glory thought Tara was the key, but I'm the key, and now Willow is going to get herself killed going after Glory alone. I must be something horrible, something evil. Everyone around me suffers and dies.”_

 _Dean sat next to her on the couch, put his arm around her, and pulled her into a hug. “Dawn, none of this is your fault. Not Glory, not Tara and certainly not me and your sister.” Dawn's tear filled eyes met his. “Glory is a nut-job of a demon. Willow is one powerful pissed off witch. I wouldn't want to be in Glory's shoes when Willow catches up with her. When she does, your sister will be there to help Willow and see that nothing happens to her.” Dean rubbed her arm as he held her. “As far as me and your sister, that's all on me.”_

 _Dawn didn't look reassured and Dean didn't know what he could say or do to make her feel better. Struck with a sudden idea, Dean pushed up his sleeve. “This right here is proof,” he said pointing to a scar. “Remember how I got that?”_

 _“My ice skate?” Dawn answered quietly. “I twisted my ankle and you carried me.”_

 _“Exactly. How could I have a scar from when you were a little kid if you were never a little kid? You're real.” He saw Dawn's near smile and decided to push it. “Real weird, but real.”_

 _“Hey!” Dawn pushed away from him, but kept smiling._

 _“Hey yourself. You should be getting up to bed. It's late and you have school in the morning.”_

 _“Are you going to stay?”_

 _“Of course. I'm not leaving until Buffy comes home.”_

 _“I meant, are you going to stay after she comes home.”_

 _“I'm staying in Sunnydale until this is all over and I know that you're safe.”_

 _“Are you going to work things out with Buffy?”_

 _Dean tried to smile for a moment but then remembered how Buffy believed he was a bad influence on Dawn. There was no way she'd take him back if it meant she might lose her sister. “It's complicated.”_

 _“Willow told me 'complicated' doesn't mean it's not worth it.”_

 _Dean leaned forward on the couch. “I love your sister more than anything. I was going to...” he stopped himself before he told Dawn about his plan to propose to her sister. “Unfortunately, Buffy doesn't feel the same.” He began to play with his keys, wishing he could leave before seeing Buffy again. “We broke up.”_

 _Dawn smirked a little. “Maybe you should tell her what you were doing at Prittchard's.” Dean looked up at her with surprise. “The jewelry department called earlier and left a message. They said if you don't have the receipt this time you can show photo ID and they'll give it to you.” Dawn grinned widely at the shock on Dean's face._

 _Dean, though, felt like the world had turned upside down and there was a thousand pound weight on his chest. “Dawn,” his voice sounded strained, “don't say anything to Buffy, okay?”_

 _Dawn grinned. “I won't, but what did you get her? Is it a ring?” She was nearly bouncing with joy._

 _“Well, we have to deal with Glory first. Maybe Buffy and I can work things out when Glory's dead.” Dean didn't believe what he was saying. He knew that if Buffy still didn't trust him, there wasn't much he could do to change her mind._

 

 **13~13~13~13**

 

 _An hour later, Buffy came home with an exhausted Willow at her side. Relief washed over Dean as he helped Buffy get Willow up the stairs to her room. When Dean left the girls alone, Willow took Buffy's hand. “He's still here. He's trying. You should give him a chance to explain.”_

 _Buffy nodded. “Do you need anything?”_

 _“No. Go get him before he leaves. Make up. Forgive him for whatever it is 'cause believe me, he loves you.”_

 _Buffy gave Willow a tired half smile and left._

 

 _Buffy gave herself a minute to get her emotions in check. She felt so overwhelmed. She didn't want to let her guard down and let Dean know she didn't know what she was doing. She felt like she was being forced to be Dawn's parent. She had to meet with school officials and Social Services and at the same time face off with a hell-god. She leaned against the wall and took a few deep breaths. All she wanted to do was curl up in Dean's arms, pretend none of that mattered, and let Dean tell her everything was going to be okay._

 _Dean tugged on his coat while he debated whether or not he should leave. Buffy hadn't said anything to him, she barely even looked at him. Finding the ring box in his pocket when he reached for his car keys was the reminder he needed. Buffy had made her feelings perfectly clear; she didn't want him._

 

 _Buffy entered the living room in time to hear the Impala drive away._

 

 **Shiloh County Hospital 2004**

Dean was dressed and waiting for Sam and Bobby to take him back to Bobby's when Dawn tentatively entered his room. “Hi, Dean.”

“Hey, Dawn.” Dean let a small relaxed smile fall on his face.

She rushed forward and hugged him before he could deny her one. “It's so good to see you up and around.”

“Thanks,” he said stiffly, stepping out of her embrace. He gave her another quick smile before busying himself with looking anywhere but at her. “Sorry you came all the way out here. They shouldn't have called you.”

“Hey, I have always wanted to see South Dakota in the spring and seeing you and Sam, that's just frosting.”

Dean nodded at her small joke. “Still, Dawn, you didn't have to...”

“Right,” she added with a knowing look, “Like you wouldn't have raced to my bedside if the situation was reversed.” Dean shrugged making Dawn smirk. “Exactly, you would have broken driving records if needed.”

She sat on his bed. “I'm sorry about your dad. I know how close the two of you were.”

Dean responded with a small nod and mumbled, “Thanks.”

“I would have told you about Buffy, you know that, right?”

Dean shrugged. “There was a spell or something.”

“Yeah, had I known she was going to do that, I would have called the moment I saw her. But that first night, I was so worried about her and so freaked out, I didn't leave her side.”

“It's okay, Dawn. It didn't fall on you to tell me.”

“She's sorry, you know.”

“Dawn...”

“She is and she's never really loved anyone since --”

“Dawn, I can't, I can't talk about her.” He took a deep breath. “Tell me about you and everything you've been up to. Tell me about the guys you have chasing after you now that you're all grown up. Are any of them good enough for you? Or does Sammy still have a shot with you? Don't tell me you've finally gotten over that crush on the lesser of the Winchesters?” Dean teased, hoping Dawn would drop the subject of her sister.

“Lesser?” Dawn shot back even though she blushed. “Have you seen your brother? He's huge.”

Dean nearly smiled at her blush. “Well, the kid's taller, but he's still mostly a dork. Now, he's just a tall dork.”

“Well, there's nothing he can do about that. That's something that runs in the family.”

Dean chuckled, “You're funny.”

“Yeah, I'm adorable.” Dawn felt a true sense of accomplishment when Dean laughed again.

 

 

 **Sunnydale 2001**

 _The Scooby gang spent the day planning. Everyone had their role to play, including Spike's sexbot. [An item whose very existence made Dean's blood boil.] Just when their confidence was at it's highest, everything fell apart. Dawn was taken right in front of Buffy, Giles and Xander._

 _The plan was tossed._

 _Xander decided to risk Buffy's wrath and placed a call to Dean. When the hunter answered, Xander said, “Glory has Dawn.”_

 _“Where?”_

 _“We don't know.”_

 _“Where's Buffy?”_

 _“We're at the Magic Shop.”_

 _“I'll be there in five minutes.”_

 

 _When Dean walked in,Buffy didn't hide her surprise. “What are you doing here?”_

 _Dean looked at the others. “I was hoping you'd let me help.”_

 _Giles let out a tiny relieved smile. “We could use all the help we can get.”_

 _The Scoobies started a new plan._

 _When they were alone, Dean turned to Buffy and quietly said, “Thanks for letting me stay.” He continued, but found it difficult to look at her, “I know you don't want me here, but I'd do anything to save Dawn.”_

 _Buffy blinked in shock, but before she could try to reassure him, Xander asked Giles, “What happens if Glory is able to open the portal?”_

 _“The walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime,” Giles answered knowing Buffy would hate hearing it again._

 _“Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell?” Anya asked._

 _Willow nodded. “That's only if the energy is stopped. And now the key is human, is Dawn,” She began._

 _Giles took over and read from a book. "'The blood flows, the gates will open. The gates will close when it flows no more.' When Dawn is dead.”_

 _Dean put his hand on Buffy's arm. “That's not an option.” He stood before Buffy and looked her square in the eye. “I will not let Dawn die. We will stop this.”_

 _Buffy nodded, taking strength in his confidence. “Pretty simple math here. We stop Glory before she can start the ritual. We still have a couple of hours, right?”_

 _The watcher nodded his head. “If my calculations are right. But Buffy-”_

 _“I don't wanna hear it.” Buffy turned away._

 _“ I understand that--”_

 _Buffy whirled back to face him. “No! No, you don't understand. we are not talking about this.”_

 _Giles jumped to his feet and yelled, “Yes, we bloody well are!”_

 _Everyone was startled by Giles outburst. When he spoke again, it was much quieter. “If Glory begins the ritual ... if we can't stop her...”_

 _Dean stepped between Buffy and Giles, facing the older man. “Don't say what I think you're going to say. Don't even **think** about touching Dawn.”_

 _Buffy was belligerent. She moved to stand next to Dean. “Come on, Giles. Say it. We're **bloody well** talking about this. Tell me to kill my sister.”_

 _Seeing the determination in their eyes, Giles backed down. “If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death. Including Dawn.”_

 _Buffy stood firm. “Then the last thing she'll see is me protecting her.”_

 _Giles shook his head, “You'll fail. You'll die. We all will.”_

 _Buffy looked at her friends, “I'm sorry. I love you all ... but I'm sorry.”_

 _Dean put his hands on her shoulders again, and forced her to meet his eyes. “The only ones dying tonight are Glory and her freaky minions.”_

 _Buffy found the strength she needed in his eyes and nodded. “You'll protect her. You'll take care of Dawn for me.”_

 _“Yeah, always.”_

 _Buffy gave the slightest sigh of relief at Dean's answer. Amazed that after everything, Dean was still by her side, she felt she needed an answer before she faced Glory. “Do you still love me?” she asked_

 _“Yeah. Of course I do,” he said quietly, stunned that she felt she had to ask. He hoped it didn't mean that he'd lost her._

 _Suddenly, Tara yelled, “I have places to be!” and their new plan went into action._

 **Singer Salvage 2004**

Dean looked at what was left of his car and wanted to feel something, anything, but all he felt was an empty ache, like he was missing a limb. He could fix the car, he would fix the car, but he felt he, himself, was beyond repair. He had to be strong for Sam. He had to watch out for him, it was the last promise he made to his father.

He was well aware it was useless to be angry with a dead man, but Dean didn't know how to forgive his dad. Just as he was coming to terms with his father's decision to keep Buffy from him, he'd remember his dad telling him he may need to kill Sam. It was too much and it was tearing him apart.

Sam cautiously kept constant watch of him and that, too, put Dean on edge.

Bobby watched him, too. He understood why Dean would want to work on the car. It was the one thing in his life Dean had control over. “I fixed the frame. And, whatever I didn't have in stock, I ordered.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

They stood silently staring at the wreckage. “You can have all the time you need to work on her. It's not like there's a high demand for the space.”

“Thanks, Bobby.”

Bobby stood next to Dean for another minute before clapping a hand on the boy's shoulder. “I'll be here if you need me.” He waited for the automatic reply to come again, but Dean said nothing. 

The moment Bobby took a step, Dean said, “He made a deal, didn't he.”

Bobby thought a moment. “That's what it looks like,” he quietly agreed.

“Should have let me die.”

Bobby was stunned. “Dean, your father was never going to let that happen, not if he could do something about it.”

“Why? Why would he do that? He could have ended things with the demon. We were so close.”

"Your father had a bigger score to settle.” Dean looked confused. “He owed you more than he could pay, Dean.”

“It's not fair. It was my time to go.”

“Dean,” Bobby kept his voice quiet, “you know as well as anyone that life's never fair. But, your daddy thought he could even things up a bit if he took your place.”

“He was wrong, Bobby.”

 

 

 **Sunnydale 2001**

 _As they got into position by the rickety tower the minions had built, Buffy needed more reassurance. She grabbed Dean's arm. “I need you to promise me you'll take care of Dawn, get her out of here as soon as you can.”_

 _Dean glanced at Buffy. “You know I will.” Buffy nodded and settled into her mind to prepare. Then Dean grasped another meaning to her request and placed a hand on her shoulder to make her face him. “Buffy, don't even go in there thinking you're not coming back out.” Buffy nodded, but Dean didn't think she believed it. “Babe, you're coming back to me. You hear me?”_

 _Buffy looked at him, letting the danger of the moment fade into the back ground. “I do love you, Dean. And I'm sorry about ---”_

 _Dean's expression brightened at her words. She still loved him, that was all he needed to hear. “We'll have plenty of time to make up, Princess. Go kick some Glory ass, now.”_

 _Buffy gave him a small relieved smile, then hugged him. She relished that moment in his arms and repeated, “I love you.”_

 _Dean let her warmth seep into him. “I love you, too, Buffy, I always will,” he whispered into her ear. He released her and with a cocky grin added, “Now, go kick it in the ass.”_

 **13~13~13~13**

 _Dean felt impotent without his gun, but too many of Glory's minions were humans like Tara and would be returned to their rightful state with Willow's spell. He shouldn't risk shooting one of them._

 _Dean, Xander, and Spike fought Glory's evil minions until Willow's voice rang in their heads. “Someone is on the tower with Dawn! Get up there!”_

 _Spike and Dean exchanged looks. “Go, Spike! You're faster! Go! I'll have your back,” Dean commanded and the two of them shoved past the others and made their way to the tower._

 _Spike climbed the tower while Dean fought off all comers. Just when Dean thought he couldn't raise his arms again, Spike was thrown from the tower._

 _Dean rushed to Spike’s aid, offered his hand, and pulled Spike to his feet. They each turned to the platform. Something was wrong. Dean knew Glory was dead, he saw Giles take care of 'Ben'. But, someone else had gotten to Dawn, a portal had been opened._

 _Buffy said goodbye to Dawn and sprang from the platform._

 _Dean raced forward, but wasn’t in time to save her. He fell to her as she lay on the stack of pallets. “Buffy? Baby?” He lifted her lifeless form, cradling her to his chest. “No,” he whispered. He brushed back her hair and stared at her lifeless features._

 _Above them, the portal closed._

 _For a long time no one approached them save Giles. He knelt down next to Dean, placed a hand on his shoulder, though he knew there was no way to comfort the man. He sat silently with him for several minutes, then quietly he said, “Dean, you have to let her go.” Dean shook his head and continued to rock slowly with Buffy in his arms. His will to live was over, his world was over._

 _“Dean, Dawn needs you. Go to her. We’ll take care of Buffy.”_

 _At the mention of Dawn’s name, Dean came to his senses. He gently lay Buffy in Giles’ arms and stood. “Dawn!” His shout was thick. “Dawnie!” He finally spotted her by the tower steps. She was staring at her sister._

 _When Dean approached her, she cowered back, “Dean,” she sobbed, “I’m so sorry.”_

 _Dean pulled her to him embracing her. “Sh, Dawnie. It’s not your fault. Shh.”_

 **13~13~13~13**

 _Over the next few days, Dean and Dawn were inseparable. Neither spoke much to anyone else, each was relieved that Giles took over most of the responsibilities. John and Sam arrived for the funeral, but neither seemed much comfort to Dean. The small chapel was filled with flowers, most of which were pink roses. They had come from around the country; Sioux Falls, Blue Earth, San Francisco, and Pittsburgh._

 _Before the small service, Dean escorted Dawn to Buffy’s casket. He stepped back to allow her privacy to say her goodbyes. When Dean approached, he could barely look at Buffy. He knew she wasn’t ‘really there’, but it was killing him to see her lifeless in a casket. He saw that she still wore the silver ring he had given her. He carefully slid the silver band from her finger and replaced it with the small engagement ring he never had the chance to give her._

 

 _After the service, John found Dean sitting on the Summers' back steps alone. He knew the pain his son was going through, having gone through it himself, but that didn't help him know how to comfort Dean._

 _Dean hadn't met his eyes once since he arrived in Sunnydale and John felt there was something missing in his son. Buffy's death had extinguished the light in his son's eyes._

 _John took a seat next to Dean on the porch. “Dean, I know you're hurting. You're hurting more than you ever have. But you can take that hurt and use it to get angry. Angry at what took Buffy from you and angry at what took your mother. Use that anger to be stronger, to help you in this fight.”_

 _Dean nodded, but he wasn't really listening. He just wanted his father to leave him alone._

 

 _After John left him, it wasn't long until Bobby joined him on the steps. “I'd ask how you're doin', but I can tell by looking at you.” He sat next to Dean and gently laid a hand on the boy's back. “When Karen died, I wanted to punch every s.o.b. that said they were sorry.”_

 _They sat in silence for several minutes, Bobby's hand never leaving Dean's back. “Does it ever stop hurting?” Dean's voice was so quiet and pained, Bobby's heart broke for him._

 _“No. It hurts a little less with time, but it never stops.”_

 

 

 **Singer Salvage 2004**

Dean had gone through his belongings that Sam had moved into their room but hadn't found what he was looking for. He pried open the trunk and found nothing there either. No more pictures, no more letters, no postcards, nothing to mark the time he had spent with Buffy. He looked at his key ring. He still had the small silver band he had given her years ago. It wasn't much, but it was all he had, so it would have to do.

He checked the calendar for the next new moon. Three days. It would give him just enough time to get the supplies he needed.

 **13~13~13~13**

 

Bobby left Sam on the back porch watching Dean and answered the door. He didn't know who to expect, but it wasn't the slayer and her sister. “Uh, well, this is a surprise.”

Buffy offered him a weak smile. “We're not staying, but we'd like to say good bye to Sam and Dean, if it's okay.”

“Of course, come in.” He stepped out of their way and called over his shoulder, “Sam, you've got company.” He turned to Buffy, “Dean's out back working on the car.”

Buffy nodded as Sam entered. “Hey, Sam, um, we're heading back to Cleveland tonight so we thought we'd stop by and say good bye first.”

Sam nodded at her, knowing how difficult it must be for her to be there. He stepped up and hugged her. “Thank you, for everything. I'm going to miss you.”

“You don't have to be such a stranger, either,” Dawn said as Sam released her sister.

Sam smiled over the other emotions he was feeling and surrounded Dawn in a bear hug. “You're the one who shouldn't be a stranger, Dawn.” He closed his eyes and rested his head on hers for a minute. _I wish you would stay._

Dawn allowed herself to be swallowed in Sam's embrace. She held on and listened to his heart beat. There was nowhere else she wanted to be. _Ask me to stay_.

 **13~13~13~13**

Buffy's heart was in her throat as she took in the damage to the Impala. Silently, she watched Dean work, too afraid to approach. He shouldn't be working like this, she thought, he's only just out of the hospital.

Dean straightened up and wiped a greasy hand on his shirt but didn't look at her. “You just gonna stand there or did you come here for something?”

His sudden question startled her. “We're going. Dawn and me, back to Cleveland,” she stammered. Dean nodded then returned to working on the engine. She didn't know what kind of response she had been expecting, but it was more than that. “I'm sorry about your dad, about everything.”

Without looking up, he answered, “Yeah.”

Buffy looked around the yard then back to the Impala. How was he ever going to get her running again? She loved that car and she knew how much it meant to Dean. Unclasping her necklace, she made her way to his tool chest. “Here,” she said putting the ring and chain down next to his tools. “You should use this to buy the parts you need to fix her.”

Dean turned and watched her leave the ring. A knife sliced through his heart and all he managed to reply was a rough sounding, “Right,” as he looked away.

Buffy saw the keys laying there and felt her heart clench. On the key ring was a silver band. Her silver band, the ring Dean had given her so long ago. Her hand seemed to move on its own as her fingers gently brushed over the key ring. She had been wrong, Dean had thought about her. He couldn't have forgotten her if he saw this ring every time he drove his car.

Buffy looked back and Dean and silently pleaded, ' _Please look at me, let me know you're going to be okay'._ She wanted to say 'goodbye', she wanted to say anything, but the words stuck in her throat. Before she started to cry in front of him, she headed back to the house.

The moment Buffy walked away, Dean stopped pretending to work and looked at the engagement ring laying on the black rubber mat of the tool chest. Anger raged inside him. He knew she no longer loved him, had never agreed to marry him, but returning the ring was rubbing salt in his wound.

Grabbing the crowbar leaning against the tool case, and with all the pain he'd been holding, Dean swung it into the window of a nearby wreck.

The sound of shattering glass had Buffy returning to the scene. By the sixth crash of the crowbar into the Impala's trunk, Buffy placed herself between Dean and his car. Her hand stopping the downward arc of his next swing. “Dean, stop,” she pleaded barely above a whisper.

He dropped the iron bar and tried to pull away but Buffy's firm grip on his arms prevented him. So, instead he shoved forward and forced her against the car. “I don't want you here,” he growled, his eyes flashing menacingly.

“I know. I don't care. I wanted to be here if you needed me.” Buffy kept her voice soft, her head bowed, and she though hadn't let go of him, her hands gently traveled up and down his arms. When she heard Dean's shaky breath, Buffy looked into his eyes. For a moment, she could see the anguish inside him. She tenderly caressed his cheek and held his face in her hands.

Closing his eyes, Dean rested his forehead against hers. Buffy felt him tremble as her hands traveled to his shoulders.

Flashes of their spirit walk discussion materialized in Dean's mind. He heard her say how she hated him for leaving and for not being there for Dawn. He remembered her saying she felt empty and alone. He knew that feeling, he had felt the same way for three years. He backed away. He couldn't, he wouldn't let her do this again.

“Sorry you got dragged all the way out here. If it was up to me, you wouldn't have been bothered.” His voice was barely above a whisper as his regret replaced the anger draining from him.

Buffy followed him. “Dean...” He met her eyes, but she saw nothing there, just an icy, pained stare.

“You should leave.” He didn't wait for her reaction. Instead, he headed to the far side of the salvage yard.

 

 

 

*Much of the Scoobies' conversation during the planning session is taken from “The Gift”


	15. Chapter 14

**Singer Salvage Summer, 2004**

Sam let the screen door slam behind him earning a disapproving look from Bobby Singer. "The door do something to upset you, Sam?"

Sam glared at Bobby but choose to ignore the jibe. "Doesn't it bother you?"

"What? That you take your attitude out on my house? Yeah, that bothers me."

"No, and sorry. Doesn't it bother you that all he does is drink and work on that car?" Sam said clearly exasperated by his brother.

Bobby set down his coffee and took a breath. "He's grieving, Sam. What would you have him do?"

"I don't know, anything. Talk to me for one." Sam yanked a chair out from the kitchen table and sat. "You know how he looked up to Dad and he hasn't said anything about the man dying. And you'd think he'd be ecstatic about Buffy's return, but he practically chased them out of here."

Bobby had been about to say everyone grieves in their own way, when he remembered something John had told him. "Remember when Buffy died? Dean wasn't much for talking then, was he?"

"No, but Buffy's alive. You'd think he'd want to deal with that."

"John once told me that when your mom died, Dean didn't talk for months. Not a peep." Sam looked at Bobby in surprise. "Dean would help your dad take care of you and John found him whispering to you once in a while, but," Bobby shrugged, "that's just Dean's way. He'll talk when he's ready."

Sam nodded slowly as he thought. "Maybe if we had a hunt to focus on."

Bobby raised his brows but relented. If the boy wanted a hunt... "I'll make some calls and look around. Maybe I can dig something up."

"Thanks, Bobby."

* * *

 **Cleveland 2004**

Buffy stared out her kitchen window. It was a bright summer day. The kind with a soft breeze that barely rustled the leaves but made the heat less overbearing. It was the kind of day that made her want to go to the beach or at the very least, lay out in her back yard.

She had decided to make it a half day at work when her plan was interrupted by a rapping on her screen door.

"Dean," she gasped not even trying to hide her shock.

"Hey, Buffy," he said quietly, meeting her eyes for only a second before looking down again.

"Dean, what are you doing here?" she asked then realized that probably sounded rude. She opened her door. "I mean," she gasped again, "ohmigod, you fixed the car!" She turned him with a smile and found him smiling, too.

"Yeah, I have skills," he joked.

"She looks great, good as new."

"Thanks."

She took a moment to look at Dean. It was obvious he was there for something, not just to show off the Impala. "So, uh, do you want to come in? Or we could sit out here, it's nice here on the porch."

Dean looked to the house then to the swing on her porch. "Yeah, here's good." he sat on the swing and rested his arm along the back. Buffy took a breath for courage and sat next to him.

Wondering if he was feeling the same overwhelming nerves, all Buffy could think to say was, "It's good to see you."

"Thanks, you too." He gave her a quick smile then ducked his head again.

Buffy wanted to give him time to say whatever he had come there to say, but first, she needed him to accept her apology. "I'm sorry, Dean."

"I'm sorry, Buffy." They spoke in unison, then each gave a tiny laugh.

"I was a complete jerk to you," Dean began.

"No you weren't," Buffy argued, but Dean gave her a look and she shrugged. "I deserved it, though."

"No you didn't." It was Dean's turn to study her, and the intensity of his look made Buffy fidget nervously. "I want..."

Buffy silently urged him to continue, but when he didn't, she asked, "What Dean? What do you want?"

"Nothing." he pulled his arm off the back of the swing and looked at the keys in his hands. "I have to look after Sammy. The demon said he had plans for him and I have to keep him safe."

"I know," Buffy replied quietly. Cautiously, she put a hand on his, hoping he'd allow her to comfort him.

He looked at her hand on his. "I miss you," he said barely above a whisper.

Buffy thought her heart would swell out her her chest at those words. "I miss you, too."

Now, when he looked at her, Buffy thought she finally saw forgiveness. He looked like he was going to say something more, but suddenly he was kissing her.

That was it. Buffy's heart exploded. The sun felt warmer, the birds were singing, she even thought she heard a choir singing.

Slowly, Dean pulled out of the kiss and just smiled at her. "Do you hear music?" he asked with a laugh before kissing her again.

Buffy laughed, too, then she began to worry, he could hear the music? "No," she insisted returning the kiss.

Dean pulled her closer, his hands moving to cup her face."It sounds like that cheesy Foreigner song," he murmured against her lips.

Buffy ignored his comment and focused on the feel of his touch. Dean gently brushed her hair back. "It's eighty-two degrees on it's way to a sunny eighty-nine today in the greater Cleveland area."

Buffy jerked away, that wasn't Dean's voice. "No," she whined. "Aw, come on."

She slammed off her alarm, sighed, and brought her fingers to her lips, swearing she still felt Dean's kiss on her lips.

 

* * *

 **Singer Salvage Summer, 2004**

The sun was high in the sky when Bobby carried a bottle of water out to Dean. "Hey, kiddo, take a break, have some agua before you fall over."

Dean slid out from under the Impala and rose up to take the bottle with a grateful nod. "Thanks, Bobby."

"Yeah, well, it's not just for your benefit that I'm out here. Sam is making me crazy with his worryin' over you."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Christ, Bobby, I'm fine. How many times do I have to tell him?"

"Until you convince somebody, 'cause neither of us are buying this strong silent act you've got going on."

Bobby saw the flare of anger behind Dean's eyes, but didn't let it stop him. "There's nothing I can do about what your dad did, but as far as that girl is concerned, you're a fool if you don't go after her and try to -"

"Bobby, drop it."

"No, I won't drop it. Not unless you tell me why you're being so damn pigheaded about seeing her."

"Bobby – ," Dean growled.

"She's alive, Dean. It's a frickin' miracle! You can get the love of your life back and instead you act like a jackass!"

"Bobby," Dean groaned as it dawned on him why they were bugging him so much about Buffy. He set his water down and fell into a battered lawn chair Bobby had in the yard. "We broke up, all right? Right before she died, she kicked me out. Said I was a bad influence on Dawn and that I was irresponsible. Only I didn't walk away like she wanted."

Bobby was silent for a moment as that soaked in. "Sorry, kid, that's tough."

"Yeah, well, it was a long time ago. Doesn't really matter anymore."

"Sure it does. A hurt's a hurt. Though she did come all the way out here to -"

"To return my ring," Dean finished quietly. Seeing Bobby's surprised expression, Dean sighed and went on, "Back then, I had been thinking of asking her to marry me, but she dumped me before I got the chance. I put the ring on her finger at her funeral. She only came here to return it. Like I didn't get the hint she didn't want me when she played dead for three years."

After a minute, Dean stood and smirked bitterly at Bobby. "So, are we good here Doctor Phil? Cuz I'm done being a whiny bitch and my baby's not going to fix herself." He stalked back to the Impala.

Bobby was floored; he could understand Dean's behavior, now, and was a bit surprised it wasn't worse.

* * *

Xander was grateful he was no longer driving into the sun. The cargo van wasn't the worst vehicle he ever drove, but it certainly didn't handle well. He felt every bump and dip in the road. And though he enjoyed traveling with Willow, he would be happy to see Cleveland again.

They had just crossed from Illinois into Indiana when traffic slowed to a crawl. "Wills, see if you can find out what's causing this slow down, will you?"

Willow sat up in her seat and lowered the map she was studying. "Sure." She tuned the radio looking for the traffic report but found nothing but static.

Xander craned his neck to see ahead, but a low hill made it impossible to see the cause of the delay. They crept forward at a snail's pace. "At this rate, I'll be forty when we get to Cleveland."

Willow squinted down the highway when the van finally came to a complete stop. "I think I see a highway patrol car on the shoulder ahead."

 **~14~14~**

Dean was scrubbing his hands at Bobby's kitchen sink when he heard a crash from the other room. Hearing his brother's anguished cry had him racing though Bobby's house. "Sammy!"

Sam had crumpled to the floor. He was holding his head and wincing in pain.

"Sam." Dean was at his side immediately. He put his arm around him and tried to help him up. "Sammy, it's okay. I've got you."

"Dean," Sam croaked.

"What happened? What did you see?" Dean led Sam to sit on Bobby's couch.

"Willow and Xander. They're in trouble." Sam leaned forward with his head in his hands.

Dean rubbed Sam's back, concerned for his brother and their friends. "What happened? What do you see happening to them?"

Sam's face pinched in pain and concentration. "Demons. They're surrounded. Demons want something they have."

Dean grabbed Sam's phone off Bobby's table. He scrolled through the numbers and placed the call without caring what the person who answered would think.

After a few rings there was a mumbled, "Sam?"

"Willow! It's Dean. You and Xander are in danger, so listen to me." He turned to Sam. "What else do you see?"

"Dean?" Willow looked at her phone then at Xander. The connection was horrible, she could barely hear the hunter over the static.

Sam rubbed his temple. "There's a traffic jam on an Indiana highway. They're in a van. Then, the demons surround them demanding that they turn something over to them."

"Willow, can you hear me?"

"Not well, what's going on?"

"Sam had a, well, a vision that demons are after you and Xander. They're going to come after you when you're in a traffic jam in Indiana."

"Demons?" Willow gave Xander a wide eyed look of terror. "Dean, we're in the traffic jam right now." She put the phone on speaker so Xander could hear as well.

Sam yelped in pain. "Dean, tell her to give the demons what they want right away or Xander's going to get hurt."

"Willow, do whatever they say or they're going to hurt you guys and take what they want anyway."

"Dean?" Willow shouted back but couldn't hear the hunter anymore.

Dean looked at the phone. _Connection ended._ "Damn. I hope they heard me." He hit redial, but it didn't go through.

Sam slumped back in his seat. "I hope they do what you said and don't try to fight the demons." He gave Dean an agonized look. "My vision didn't end well."

 **~14~14~**

Willow turned a worried face to Xander. "You heard him, right? Demons?"

"Yeah, I did. So, what's our plan?" Xander kept scanning the area around them. Just as he looked away from his door, it was ripped from the hinges.

"Howdy, mind stepping from the vehicle, sir?" a very large highway patrol officer stood next to the van holding Xander's door.

Xander and Willow exchanged glances before Willow's door was torn open as well. "We don't want any trouble," Xander said cautiously making his way from his seat with his hands raised.

"You should have thought of that before you took a prisoner," said the woman by Willow's door, her eyes turning a demon black. She yanked Willow from her seat and flung her onto the gravel at the side of the road.

The demon woman motioned to a third demon and it opened the rear door to the van. It grabbed the coffin holding Azazel and yowled in pain. The demon possessed patrol officer dragged Xander to the back of the van. He shoved Xander onto the hood of the car behind them and attempted to pull free the coffin. When he, too, howled, the female demon yanked Willow to her feet and forced her to the back of the van.

Rolling her eyes when she saw what made the other demons howl, this demon grabbed Willow. "Witch, open the coffin, or I make watcher boy's insides his outsides."

Again Willow and Xander exchanged small nods, but Willow relented and did what the demon asked. The woman tore off the sack on Azazel's head and removed the gag while the other demon untied him.

The moment he was free, Azazel sent Xander tumbling over the nearby cars. Then he turned on Willow. "Witch! You thought you could hold me? You don't know how far reaching my power is." He pinned Willow to the side of the van. "Not so brazen without your Slayer, are you sweetie?" The metal behind Willow began to crinkle. "Where is John Winchester?"

Willow wanted to smile; the demon didn't have John's soul. "I don't know," she managed to squeak out. "Last I saw him he was in the hospital."

"Liar!"

The metal creaked louder as Willow was pressed even harder into the van. "No, John Winchester was alive when I left the hospital."

Azazel looked at the woman who had rescued him. "You have the Colt?"

She nodded.

The demon let Willow fall to the ground. "Good enough. I'll get myself the other Winchester, it's just a matter of time."

Suddenly, the demons vanished and Willow found herself alone on the highway. "Xander?"

A few people left their cars to investigate the strange occurrence by Willow and Xander's van. Xander was being helped over by another driver. "Over here, Will. I'm fine."

Together they looked at the damage to the van. "Don't think the rental company's going to be too happy with us," Xander said with a small groan.

 **~14~14~**

Willow picked through the front seat for her bag. Pulling out her phone, she turned to Xander, "You should call Dean and tell him we're okay. I'll call Buffy and tell her what happened." Xander looked through his contacts for Sam's number. "Don't tell him we had the demon. I don't want to get into a fight with them."

Xander looked amused for a minute. "Willow, this is not the first time I've had to make up a cover story."

"I know, but you haven't had to lie to Dean since high school."

Sam answered the phone on the first ring, practically shouting, "Hello!"

"Sam, it's Xander. We're okay. Thanks for the heads up. The demons showed up right after Dean called."

"But you guys are okay? You and Willow?" Sam couldn't keep the nerves from his voice.

"Yeah, we're fine, but the rental is trashed."

"Thank god that you guys are okay. What happened? Why was the demon after you?"

Up a head of where the van was parked, Xander and Willow saw traffic begin to move. Xander used it as the excuse he needed. "Hey, Sam, I've got to go, traffic's moving, but I'll call you later and tell you everything."

Dean was pacing nearby, waiting for Sam's update. "Well?" he asked the moment Sam disconnected.

"They were attacked, but Xander said they got away unhurt. Just some damage to their rental."

Dean shook his head. "Something's not right, Sam. Your visions are usually about the yellow eyed demon, right?"

"Yeah."

"Why is yellow eyes after them? After all this time, why would he risk going after the friends of a slayer?"

Sam hung his head, he knew where Dean was going with questions. "You think it's because of us, because we got in contact with them again."

Dean could see the regret surrounding his brother. "Sorry Sam, but I don't see any other reason for him to go after them."

Sam knew his brother was probably right, but he been hoping to be able to see Dawn before the end of summer. On the other hand, he'd never forgive himself if he was the reason yellow eyes attacked them. Pastor Jim and Caleb were killed because of them. He took a careful look at Dean. His brother wasn't saying this as a means to stay away from Buffy, Dean meant it. "Okay, I guess you're right. I don't want what happened to Pastor Jim to happen to Buffy and her friends."

* * *

 **Parkersburg, West Virginia Fall 2004**

Killing ghouls is messy work in the best of conditions. In a graveyard in West Virginia, in late October wouldn't seem too bad if it weren't for the unseasonable cold and the week of constant rain.

The entire cemetery is slop. Graves are threatening to slide down the hillside, but the cold, the rain and the slop don't deter Buffy. She's out numbered, but she figured her long blade even things out nicely. That was until it got stuck in the top of a recently exposed skull, after slicing a ghoul's neck. Before she could dislodge it, a different ghoul had jumped on her. Buffy realized hand to hand combat was going to make for a much more difficult battle.

Finally kicking ghoulie number one off of her, Buffy rolled to regain her footing. The second ghoul removed the knife from the skull and swung at the slayer. As the rain began to fall harder, the fight was halted by a shotgun blast. Buffy hit the ground and watched as the ghoul grabbed at it's chest.

Buffy ducked behind a monument and tried to peer in the direction of the shot, but the rain made it nearly impossible to see. The ghoul, however, was not down for good. It rose and went after Buffy again. As soon as it did, the shotgun fired again, and the ghoul was missing it's head.

Buffy grinned. Good to know someone's on her side, sort of. There was at least one more ghoul to go and Buffy wasn't sure if the shooter knew they were on the same side. Unfortunately, the ghoul made it's presence known by throwing a knife at Buffy. The blade sliced through her jacket, slicing her arm.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Stupid ghoul, you don't hand a weapon to a slayer." She pulled the knife out and charged the ghoul. As they rolled in the mud, Buffy heard footsteps rapidly approaching in the muck. She said a silent prayer and allowed the ghoul to roll on top of her. As she held fast to the ghoul, Buffy watched in glee as her 'rescuer' sliced the ghoul's head off with a machete.

Buffy pushed the corpse off of her before looking up to grasp the hand of the person who had just helped her. When she was yanked to her feet, she heard a voice she hadn't expected to hear again, "Buffy?"

Her eyes went wide and wild for a minute as she met his, then suddenly the earth gave way and they slid down the hillside with the muck and the mud and the rain.

 **~14~14~**

As he slid down the steep hillside on his back, Dean wedged his shotgun between two trees and held on. "Buffy! Grab onto my leg!" he shouted as she was sliding dangerously closer to the rushing waters of a flood swollen river.

Buffy had been able to grab a sapling, but it wasn't going to be strong enough to hold her for long. Dean's boot wasn't far, but grabbing it would mean releasing the small tree and Buffy wasn't sure that was the best idea. "Buffy, come on! Grab on. I can pull us up."

Reluctantly, she let go of her tree and grabbed onto Dean's ankle. Dean tightened his grip on the barrel of his shot gun. "All right now, climb up. I've got ya."

Buffy's feet shuffled in the mud, unable to find purchase in the quickly eroding hillside. This development left her with no option, she had to grab Dean's leg and pull herself up. She was going to completely ignore the feeling of his muscles under his rain soaked jeans. Finally reaching his front pocket, she hauled herself up his legs until her face was embarrassingly close to his crotch.

"While you're down there," Dean quipped hoping he sounded lecherous enough that she would be so disgusted she'd keep moving.

Buffy almost gave in to the desire to huff in annoyance, but instead she thought if Dean could tease, so could she. After all, these where his first words to her in months. She dragged her body against his so that her chest now rested against his crotch. "Well, Dean, as tempting as that offer is, I wouldn't want this icy rain to have any effect on what I remember as being nothing short of spectacular."

Her fear of crumbling into giggles prevented her from meeting his eyes. If she had, she would have found him staring in shock. Instead, she gripped the front of his coat and hoisted herself higher, being sure to stay pressed against him.

Dean bit his lip to stop a groan from escaping. Buffy was definitely playing dirty and it was making him more than just a bit uncomfortable. Soon her head was level with his and exertion was making her breath heavily. Dean's breathing was also becoming labored from having to support both of them and he was wondering why he had thought this was a good idea.

Buffy held onto his arms, bringing her face next to his. "Well, thanks for saving me up there, and here," she said, her breath ghosting on his cheek. "Those ghouls were getting nasty."

"No problem. Let's survive the mudslide and you can thank me properly." He turned his head to look for another handhold, but ended up with her neck right in his face, tempting him with memories. He screwed his eyes shut, to block the temptation. "Can you reach that tree above us?"

The rain fell behind Buffy's collar causing her to shiver, but Dean was generating enough heat to nearly create steam. She took her eyes off him to find the closest branch. "Yeah, I think I can grab it." She stretched and reached up, her finger tips just brushed the tree. She looked back at Dean to find him looking like he could devour her. Her brain froze.

"Can you grab it or do you need a boost?" Dean licked rain off his lips as he asked, ignoring the desire to pull her back against him.

Too interested in the way Dean's tongue worked across his lips, Buffy forgot his question. "Uh, a boost?"

"Ready?" Dean asked. Without waiting for her answer, he took a hand off the shotgun and put it on her butt and pushed her the small amount to reach the tree.

She scrambled and lifted herself up using the tree to help her stand. Dean rolled over and followed. At the trees, Dean realized the ground could still give way and they could slide again. He looked for anything he could use to make the climb easier, and safer, when he saw that part of the hillside had been reinforced. "Come on," he shouted over the hard falling rain. "I think I see a safe way to the top."

He reached for Buffy's hand, but she tugged it back. "No, this way. My car is parked just down there," she shouted and pointed to a small parking lot on her right.

She started to make a move when she felt herself yanked backwards and landed on Dean's chest.

"Buffy, you can't go that way. The ground is washing away."

"But my car," she argued.

Dean didn't need to say another word. The hillside between them and Buffy's car became a giant mudslide, taking her car and the lot it was in, down the hill. Dean tugged her hand again. "Come on," he urged her to follow him to the next ledge.

They made their way to another group of trees, when Dean felt his phone ring. "Sammy, where are you?"

"Me? Where the hell are you? You disappeared down the side of that mountain. Are you okay?"

"For now. Can you get to the car?"

"No. The entire hillside has washed away. Where are you?"

Dean looked around. "Pretty close to the highway. I'm by the train tunnel."

Sam cautiously crept towards the edge of the embankment. "I can't get to you from here, man. Can you get back to the car?"

Dean took a careful step towards the tunnel. He could see over the highway. "Yeah, I'm pretty close. What about you?"

"Don't worry about me. I can get a ride to the hotel with Father Donaley. It's probably safer if I just meet you there."

An earsplitting noise interrupted their conversation. A light pole fell on the street down below and wires were snapping as they danced around. "Sam, be careful."

"Yeah, you too."

 **~14~14~**

Buffy and Dean picked and clawed their way to the top of the hill. The rain was falling in sheets and the entire hillside was slick with mud. Buffy lost track of how many times she slipped and fell, but Dean patiently helped her to her feet each time.

By the time they reached the Impala, they were both covered in so much mud, the rain wasn't washing it off. Buffy took a moment to appreciate the Impala restored to her black shiny (even in the rain) glory. Dean opened her door, "Get in."

"I'm covered in mud."

Dean gave her a quizzical look. "You'd rather stay in the rain?" Buffy didn't answer. "Get in the damn car, Buffy."

Once Dean was seated, he cranked the heat. "So, where should I -" but he stopped as he saw the rip in her coat. "You're hurt. What happened?"

"Nothing, it'll be fine."

"Take off your coat. I've got a first aid kit in the trunk. I'll be right back."

Buffy rolled her eyes, but her coat was off when Dean returned with the kit. "See, i-it's n-nothing," she said over her chattering teeth.

Dean knew she'd heal quickly, but he silently dried her arm, applied some ointment and a bandage. "We're all out of Wonder Woman band-aids, so you'll have to live with plain for now." He returned her jacket to her and packed up the kit.

Buffy mumbled her thanks and pulled her jacket on. She found herself feeling small and vulnerable and wanting to escape.

Dean seemed to ignore her again as he started the car and began to drive. The next thing she knew, he had pulled into a motel parking lot. The rain was still torrential, when he climbed out of the car and made his way to the small overhang by the motel door.

"This is where you're staying?" Buffy asked, joining him under the tiny bit of shelter.

"Yeah." Dean stared at her. Why had he brought her back here? "Sam's getting a ride here. I'm sure our friend wouldn't mind giving you a ride to your car."

Buffy wrapped her arms around herself to fend off some of the cold. "My car's in the Ohio River by now."

"Right." Dean caught a glimpse of the motel vacancy sign. "You could probably get a room here for the night."

Buffy looked toward the office. "Yeah." She bit her lip and frowned. "They'd let me make a call anyway, right?" Her voice quivered from the cold.

"Huh?"

"My purse, all my stuff, was in my car. The one in the river."

Dean looked at her; she looked miserable. She was soaked, covered in mud, and shivering. The people would probably give her the room for free. "You might want to clean up first. You got a little mud on you, right there." He smeared some mud from her jacket on her cheek.

Buffy gasped but felt a small smile forming. "Don't worry," she assured him. "Mud is good for the skin. Especially this graveyard mud."

Without missing a beat, Dean nodded. "Of course it is, it's consecrated." Dean's grin came easily. "The other cheek could use some." He scooped a blob of mud off his coat and wiped it on her face. "There, now you're good."

"Thanks," Buffy said beginning to smile more. "I'd hate to see you go without when I have plenty to share." She brought her hands up to his face, but Dean roughly caught her wrists. For a moment Buffy could only stare at him. In the next instant, his lips were on hers.

 **~14~14~**

Too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to the outside world, neither could say how they got into the motel room. They were frantically kissing and touching as if the other would disappear if they stopped. Buffy shoved Dean's coat from his shoulders. Dean let it fall and helped her shrug out of hers. Soon, layers of clothes were being torn from their bodies, and were being replaced with eager touches and demanding kisses.

The small chair was overturned when Dean's boots didn't easily come off and the dresser was shoved away from the wall when Dean placed Buffy on top of it to peel off her soaked jeans.

They collapsed on the the nearest bed, Buffy pulling Dean on top of her.

Buffy ignored how Dean's stubble scratched her. She didn't care that he didn't seem as gentle as he used to be. He was warm and real and finally, after years of feeling empty, her missing piece fell back into place.

Buffy couldn't get enough. She urged him to go harder and faster. Her nails scraped his back and shoulders. Just as her world was spinning blissfully out of control, Dean seemed to sense it and tempered their punishing pace.

Buffy allowed it for a minute, then she rolled them over, switching positions so she was on top. As she rode him, Dean gripped her hips tightly enough to leave bruises. Just as she was ready to topple over the edge, Dean whispered, "Buffy." It was the first word spoken since they entered the room. When Buffy opened her eyes to see his worshipful gaze, the physical sensation was nothing compared to the grip on her heart.

She melted onto his chest, letting his strong arms envelop her. Too many emotions were swirling within her. She wanted to cry she was so happy, yet as she lay there, listening to his heart pounding like hers, she wanted to cry for having lost so much time.

Dean silently berated himself for allowing her to have an effect on him. He needed to push her away before she tore his heart out. If he could treat her like any other one night stand, maybe he could convince himself he didn't care as much. So, he hid his feelings the only way he knew how. "Damn, woman, I always knew you were a dirty girl, but you actually brought mud."

He felt Buffy begin to giggle against him. She kissed "her spot" on his chest and propped herself up to look at him. "I'm not dreaming this, right?"

Dean quirked a brow. "Having dirty dreams about me? Nice." He wore his most lecherous smirk.

Buffy hung her head and giggled more. She had forgotten how happy he would make her, how he had been able to lift her worries from her mind. Looking back at him, she sighed happily, "God, I missed you." She bit her lip, she had barely stopped herself from saying, 'love' instead of 'missed'.

Those words were a twisting knife to his gut. _Sure you did, just not enough to call for three years._ But Dean pushed those feelings deeper and plastered on a fake smile. "No, you got mud on me too."

Buffy's smile grew impossibly wider. Running her hand over his hair, she whispered, "I guess I'm not the only one needing a good scrubbing."

Dean smirked, "You offering to help with the hard to reach spots?"

 **~14~14~**

Sam was relieved to find the Impala parked in front of their room. Dean had made it back, that's all that mattered. Upon entering the room, Sam's joy was short lived. He had kept the light off in case Dean was resting, but once he heard the shower, he hit the switch. To his dismay, his bed was dirty and torn apart, and muddy clothes were scattered everywhere. Upon closer inspection, and finding the pink lace bra, Sam realized they weren't just Dean's clothes. Sam stared toward the bathroom for a beat. "You've got to be kidding me," he muttered to himself then fired off a quick text message, grabbed his gear and left.

 **~14~14~**

Dean told himself to stop thinking the second he allowed her to lead him into the shower. He was just going to focus on enjoying the physical aspect of being with a girl and not on who the girl was. The thing was, she was the only girl that got the kiss right. Right from the first one, Dean hadn't wanted her to change anything about it. Her mouth opened perfectly at just the right time. She never was too forceful or too sloppy or anything but perfect. He would be happy just kissing her for hours.

He hated how her body fit just right against his, like hers was a missing puzzle piece to his; that their arms seemed to know just where to go to hold each other right. He hated how she would kiss his neck and it would send electricity through his whole body.

No matter how many times he told himself she was just a random girl or just a truck stop waitress so he wouldn't think about being with Buffy, he would always come back to how good it felt to have her back in his arms.

Most of all, he hated realizing he wasn't over her. Not even a little.

Since Dean had decided to focus on the physical side to their being together, Buffy was left a quivering mess. Somehow Dean had remembered every move that made her come undone. Buffy felt completely at his mercy, yet completely safe. Dean would always take care of her. It was as if he put her back together each time he made her fall apart.

 **~14~14~**

Upon leaving the shower, Dean wrapped a towel around his waist, handed another to Buffy, but made her wait in the bathroom. "Just in case Sammy is out there."

Dean's phone flashed, telling him he had a text. _Only you could pick up a girl in a mudslide and a thunderstorm. Got myself another room. Don't make me an uncle!_

Dean laughed, tossed his phone on the dresser and shouted over his shoulder, "Coast is clear." Turning to see a towel clad Buffy, he grinned, "Babe, you are way over dressed." He tugged her towel off and chased her into his clean bed.

 

* * *

In the morning, Dean hoped to escape before Buffy was awake. He wanted to treat her like any other one night stand which meant leave and don't look back. He knew he could use Sam as an excuse and get out in order to meet up with his brother. And though a small part of him was trying to get him to do that, most of him wanted to take care of Buffy. She was going to need a ride and some money and a phone and food and the list he made went on and on.

 **~14~14~**

After the best rest she'd had in months, Buffy woke to the smell of coffee. She stretched and found her body ached in the most wonderful way. She smiled and reached for Dean, but the bed was empty. She opened her eyes to find herself completely alone.

This wasn't the first time she went to bed with Dean and woke up alone. She pulled the sheet around her as she got up hoping to find her dignity with last night's discarded clothes. Looking through the peephole, she saw the Impala was gone.

Buffy told herself not to get emotional. A million things could have made Dean leave that morning. There was one time he had only left to return with breakfast. Buffy stared at the motel room door, silently begging, _"Please, Dean, don't do this. Come back."_

 

* * *

 _One more chapter and I'm hoping to post it before the New Year._

 _Merry Christmas to those that celebrate it. Happy Holidays to everyone else. Thanks for reading!_


	16. Chapter 15 and Epilogue

Chapter 15

Parkersburg, West Virginia 2004  
After Sam cleaned up from the muddy ghoul hunt, he settled back with a beer (that he stole from his brother – if his brother got a girl, he would at least get a beer.) He went through some emails and fired back some replies. His face broke into a wide smile when he saw that Dawn was online. He sent a quick message, but she signed off immediately. Just as his smile was fading, his phone rang.

Instead of hello, Sam said, "Dawn! I just sent you an IM but you signed off..."

Dawn laughed lightly. "Sorry, I saw you were on, so I figured you must be somewhere with enough civilization for cell reception, so I called. I wanted to hear your voice."

Her admission made Sam feel happy, nervous and a little excited. It was something he hadn't felt since Jess agreed to go out with him. "Well, I'm glad you did. I'm on my own tonight and bored out of my mind. What have you been up to?"

"Just finished mid-terms and a paper for my linguistics class. If you were asking about the slayer side of life, everyone is keeping me out of the loop. They still think I can't handle myself in any dangerous situations."

Sam huffed a small, understanding laugh. "I remember the feeling. Dean and my dad used to treat me the same way."

"Dean doesn't treat you like that anymore. What did you do to change his mind?"

"Grew bigger than Dean. He had to shut up when I could kick his ass."

Dawn laughed again. "I've been bigger than Buffy for years, but the kicking her ass thing? Yeah, I don't see that happening."

"Well, she does have the whole totally unfair slayer ability advantage." At the mention of Buffy, Sam had to ask about her. "How's Buffy doing?"

Dawn groaned. "She claims to be fine, but truthfully, she's been miserable since we left you guys. Though it's not like she shares her feelings with anyone. Where are you guys?"

"Not far from Cleveland, actually. I was hoping I would be able to convince Dean to stop by and see you."

"Really? Dean, too?" Dawn smiled though she was skeptical of a visit from Dean.

Sam had hoped she had wanted to see him more than Dean, but he reminded himself Dawn and Dean had been close. "I think I might be able to convince him..."

"You'll still come, though, right? I mean even if Dean doesn't want to?"

Sam felt reassured and smiled. "Yeah, definitely, but, I'm sure Dean would want to see you."

"Enough about Dean and my sister," Dawn said. "I didn't call you to talk about them."

"Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

A grin covered Dawn's face. She didn't care what they talked about as long as she got to hear Sam's voice. "Um, did you take any film classes when you were at Stanford? I'm in this class where we're studying Hitchcock's films and I totally love it."

"Sounds interesting. Which movie have you seen?"

As Dawn rattled of the list of movies, Sam relaxed again.

Then Dawn said, "I had no idea a train going into a tunnel meant sex."

"What?"

"I know, I felt like an idiot. But I told the professor that I thought it was obvious they were going to have sex once she entered Cary Grant's train car. I mean, come on, it's Cary Grant, who wasn't going to hit that?"

Sam laughed again. "I think that's what Hitchcock was trying to say with the train and the tunnel."

"I know. I was just saying that it was overkill. The audience totally knows sex is about to happen."

Sam grinned; it felt like he and Dawn could fall into their old rapport as if no time had passed.

~15~15~15~

In the morning...

Dean called Sam's cell to rouse him from bed. Then, he grabbed a coffee from the motel office and waited by the Impala for his younger brother. His eyes would dart back to the room he left behind hoping not to see Buffy looking for him.

Sam found Dean surprisingly quiet. He wasn't doing his usual gloating after a one night stand. He wasn't teasing Sam about his inability to get laid. He wasn't even listening to the radio.

After they had driven across town, Sam couldn't take the quiet any longer. "All right, Dean, what's wrong?"

Dean blinked at his brother in surprise. "What?"

"You're doing the drive of shame away from the motel, but you're not bragging about how you scored last night. It's not like you."

Dean gave him a half shrug. He thought he'd try to leer for a second, but then a detour caught his eye. Instead of following the detour, he drove as far as the road allowed. Before he pulled over, he mumbled, "It was Buffy."

"Buffy? Buffy-Buffy? You spent the night with Buffy?"

"Yeah, that was her in the cemetery last night, taking down the ghouls when we showed up. You know the rest," he mumbled.

Sam was dumbfounded, his head was spinning. "Wow, I gotta say I wasn't expecting that." After a minute he asked, "So, now what?"

"Now, we take a look at those cars," Dean said pointing to several cars that had been carried by the mud into a retaining fence.

Sam followed his brother out of the car. "No, I meant what's going on with you and Buffy?"

"Nothing."

"Dean, you just spent the night with her."

"I've spent the night with a lot of girls."

"Buffy isn't just some girl."

Dean stopped walking so he could face his brother. "You're right, Sam. Last night was magical. We made love and there was music and fireworks and unicorns showered us with rose petals."

Sam shoved him. "Screw you, Dean." He took a step around his brother, though he didn't know where he was supposed to go.

"She did and it was awesome. You want to hear the details?"

Sam spun on him. "Stop being an asshole. I know how you feel about her."

Dean stepped into Sam's space, looking angrier than Sam had seen since John died. It forced him to step back. "Look, I know I fucked up last night. I don't need my brother to shove my face in it." Dean made his way passed Sam and over to the pile of wrecked cars.

Sam silently followed, waiting for his brother to tell him what they were doing there.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the morning in the motel room Buffy and Dean had shared ...

Buffy told herself not to get emotional. A million things could have made Dean leave that morning. There was one time he had only left to return with breakfast. Buffy stared at the motel room door, silently begging, "Please, Dean, don't do this. Come back."

She let herself wallow in her depression. She didn't understand how she and Dean could be so far from the same page. Did he really feel nothing for her? Last night she thought he was letting her in; this morning his leaving felt like he slammed the door in her face.

The room phone rang, shaking her from her misery. By the seventh ring, she was annoyed into answering. "Hello."

"Were you still sleeping?" Dean asked over a chuckle.

"No. I was up..."

"Good. Tell me you drive a Hummer."

"What?"

"Me and Sam are at the river front. If you drove a Hummer, it's still in one piece and we can probably drive it out of here."

"I drive a mini Cooper. It's red."

"You would drive a toy car." Dean shook his head in amusement. Then he yelled, "Sam! The cherry Cooper over there." Buffy heard some muffled voices then Dean said, "Sorry, sweetheart, but the Cooper is totaled. What do you need from the car?"

It took Buffy a moment to gather her thoughts. "Uh, I have a bag of clothes, a weapons bag, and my purse, which I stuffed under the driver's seat."

"Just one bag of clothes? Never traveled that light when I knew you."

Buffy could hear the sound of metal rending and Sam saying something in the background. "Well, back then I knew you would be carrying my bags," she teased, hoping he could tell she was teasing.

Dean was barking orders to Sam, but finally returned to the phone. "Right, we'll be there in fifteen."

~15~15~15~

On the return trip to the motel, Dean, again, remained quiet He was weighing options in his mind. He felt the familiar pull of Buffy, it would be easy to fall all over again. However, he could hear her say, "I came back wrong" over and over, and he knew he had to put an end to that.

Sam couldn't believe his luck. Buffy was going to need a ride back to Cleveland and that just about guaranteed he'd be able to keep his promise to see Dawn. He decided there was no time like the present to tell his brother about his plan. "It's kinda funny you were with Buffy last night, because I spent a lot of time on the phone last night with Dawn."

"Hm, how's Dawn?"

"Good. I told her we would try to visit her soon."

"What? No. Sorry, Sam. That's not going to happen."

"Dean, Buffy's going to need a ride home and Cleveland isn't far from here."

"I know that Sam, but I've got a job in Wisconsin I need to get to," Dean replied hoping his brother would accept his authoritative tone.

Sam scrunched his face in doubt. "Since when?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Since this morning. I shouldn't even be making this detour to deliver her stuff."

"You didn't say anything about it earlier."

"I didn't really have the chance now, did I?" he snapped back.

~15~15~15~

They parked in front of the room Dean and Buffy had shared, and for a brief moment, Dean wasn't sure he could face her again. A fortifying breath later and he turned on some snark for his brother. "You should carry in her purse. I'll get the other bags."

Sam didn't make a cutting remark in return. He saw his brother take that breath, and knew Dean was struggling. "Fine, I'm comfortable enough with my masculinity that I can handle carrying a purse for ten feet. Yell if you need help with that weapons bag." He strode with confidence to the door and knocked.

Buffy opened the door smiling at him. "Hey, Sam." She hugged him quickly, in case he would pull away. "Thanks for getting my stuff for me." She took her purse from him and stepped into the room to allow him to follow.

"Sorry about your car. There wasn't much left. It was between the fence and a Suburban."

Buffy pouted dramatically. "I loved that car."

"It wasn't a real car," Dean replied as he dropped her bags on the floor. "I'm sure your insurance will cover it."

Unable to get a read on him, Buffy could only agree. "Yeah, hopefully."

Sam could feel the tension choking the room and went to give Buffy another quick hug. "I wish we could stay and help you out, but we've got another job to get to."

Buffy lingered in his embrace as long as he allowed. When he stepped back, he said, "Tell Dawn I'll try to see her soon, okay?"

Buffy nodded. "Will do. Thanks, Sam." Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder as he left them alone.

Grateful for Sam's mention of the pending hunt ahead of them, Dean took a step to follow his brother. "Take care of yourself, Summers."

His hand was on the knob and he was nearly out the door, but Buffy couldn't let him leave like that. "Wait."

He dropped his hand and faced her and saw she looked miserable; he hated himself for making her look like that. He tempered his features to prevent her from seeing her effect on him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I thought you left," she paused unsure of herself, "but you came back with my things. Thank you."

Dean didn't say anything as he studied her expression, but he felt himself begin to drown again. The internal struggle that made him want to push away. He shrugged. "I am the type of guy that would take off like that."

Buffy rolled her eyes. She hadn't been trying to insult him. "Dean, I didn't mean …"

"No. I am that type of guy," he replied plainly without emotion. "You don't really know me anymore. I only went for your stuff because I felt like I owed you. You know, for paying the doctor bills."

Buffy felt a knife slice through her. "Oh. I thought, uh, I'm sorry."

"For what, Buffy? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Then why do I feel like I'm being punished?"

"I don't know. I don't want you to feel like that." Dean felt the situation spinning out of control. "I don't know what you want from me."

Buffy turned away from him. He was right, she didn't know him anymore, and she didn't know what she wanted, either.

"Look, last night was great, but I'm not going to kid myself. I know it didn't change anything." Dean stopped talking. Why couldn't he just leave well enough alone? Why did he always let her know she could hurt him? "Sorry, I can't give you a lift to Cleveland, but there's this job." He pulled open the door before he could say something else he'd regret.

Buffy nodded. "Be careful."

"Yeah, you, too."

~15~15~15~

While he waited for his brother, Sam fired off a text to Dawn. He apologized for not being able to see her and informed her of Buffy and Dean's reunion. He added that he didn't think it went well.

Dawn couldn't believe her eyes. She wondered what could have happened. Buffy and Dean always got back together. She wished Sam could provide more information, she knew her sister would stay silent about seeing Dean. Dawn replied that she was sad he wasn't able to visit and to keep her informed about his brother. She promised to do the same.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~15~15~15~

Giving Dawn the excuse that she was exhausted, Buffy went to her room within minutes of returning home. She took the battered box of photos and letters from her closet and sat on her bed. Gently, she lifted the photos from the box and placed them on her bed. One by one she studied them, she could feel her tension starting to fade. She lovingly traced Dean's features in a photo taken when they were in high school when she finally realized something in Dean's eyes had changed. In the photographs, his smile seemed to be lit from within. Last night, Dean's smile never reached his eyes.

He was right. He wasn't the same and maybe she no longer knew him. Had she really hurt him so deeply? Buffy refused to believe the answer that was screaming in her head. She closed her eyes and remembered how perfect it felt to be in his arms and lay her head on his chest. Her hand went to the charm she no longer wore and her stomach twisted.

"Buffy?"

Hers sister's soft call broke her from her misery. Buffy dabbed her eyes and put the photos away. "Yeah, I'll be right there."

When she opened the door, Dawn hugged her. "I know you saw Dean. Sam told me. Tell me what happened."

Buffy let her sister comfort her. "I still love him, but he keeps pushing me away.."

"I'm sorry, Buffy."

"I know I hurt him. In the hospital, I told him I was angry that he wasn't there for you after I died, but he can't think that I'm still angry. Why doesn't he want to try to work things out?"

Dawn looked at the pictures her sister had been holding. "Buffy, do you remember what happened before you died?"

"What do you mean?"

"You and Dean broke up. You thought he cheated on you. You kicked him out. But, really, you were angry with me for getting in trouble at school."

Buffy went back in her memories. She did remember fighting with Dean. But she's certain she said she loved him before facing Glory. Buffy's hand drifted to the missing charm.

"You were mad at him for leaving me, but he was there for months." Dawn picked up another picture, this one was of Tara and Willow. "He took care of everything. Our bills were paid, food was in the house, I was signed up for school. Dean took care of me. Do you know why he finally left?"

Buffy shook her head. "Why?" she asked at a whisper.

"Sam was starting at Stanford, and Dean didn't want his dad hunting alone. He wanted to take me with him. Everyone told him I was better off in Sunnydale than on the road with him. Even I did."

Buffy sighed and again her fingers traced a picture of her and Dean.

"Tara and I gave him these things so he'd never forget you or any of us, not that he would." Dawn's fingers flipped the edge of a stack of envelopes.

Buffy looked at her sister. "So, am I supposed to give him more time? Haven't we lost enough time?"

Dawn frowned at her. "I don't know. I just want you to be happy again. Does Dean make you happy?"

Buffy could feel her lips curve into a smile. "I was happy last night. When it was just the two of us, it was like no time had gone by and we were back in Sunnydale."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

~15~15~15~

It was late when the Winchesters arrived at their destination, and Dean still hadn't told Sam what they were doing in Lac Du Flambeau, Wisconsin.

Sam couldn't be quiet any longer. He had spent the day letting his brother sulk, biding his time for the opportunity to get Dean to talk. He had wanted to fly off the handle and make demands the second they left Parkersburg, but something in his brother's expression told Sam to let it be. "Dean, please tell me what's going on? What are we doing here? When did you hear about this hunt?"

Dean looked at the peaceful reservation that lay before them. "Remember about four, five years ago when the tribe Elder told me I was broken, that I had been cursed? I never broke the curse, Sammy."

Sam was stunned. "What? Yes, you did. You and Buffy got back together."

"It was a two part spell. The first part was made us break up, but the second part bound our souls together. I never undid that part of spell." Dean spoke so quietly Sam had to concentrate to be sure he heard every word.

Now Sam was beyond stunned. Dean had always followed orders and had done what he was told. How could he not undo a spell? "What does that mean?"

"It means I have to see that Elder and hope he can help me." He turned to look at Sam. "Because I tried, Sam, I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."

"What does it mean about your soul, Dean?"

"It means Buffy's been suffering ever since she came back, and it's my fault."

Dean began to drive into the reservation only to be stopped by Sam. "Dean, it's after midnight. It's too late to do anything now. Let's come by first thing in the morning."

~15~15~15~

Sam and Dean sat in the anteroom the entire day. The shaman was very old and only saw a few people each day, but Dean waited all day and hoped the man would be strong enough to help him.

Finally, a girl in her late teens approached Dean. "Grandfather will see you now."

After being led into the Elder's room, they waited for the girl to leave. When she took a chair next to her grandfather, she said, "Grandfather doesn't like to speak English, anymore, it tires him out."

Dean nodded. "Okay. Can you ask him if he remembers me?"

Before the girl could ask, the Elder mumbled something. "He understands English, he just doesn't want to speak it." Dean looked admonished, but the girl quickly went on, "He remembers you. You're the hunter's son. He calls you the broken one."

Dean sighed, "That's me." He looked at the old man now, instead of the girl. "I reversed the curse that was on me years ago, but I never undid the second spell, the one that bound my soul to another. Back then, a girl I knew told me that my soul wasn't broken so I didn't think I had to worry about the other spell. But I was wrong and the girl I'm – the girl my soul is attached to is hurting because of it."

The old man just stared at Dean who was looking at him expectantly for an answer. Dean looked at the young girl, but she, too, was waiting on the old man. "Grandfather?"

The man finally replied and the girl translated. "Why do you want to do it now when you didn't before?"

Dean cut his eyes to Sam briefly, but then decided to speak. "I don't really believe all that soul-mate garbage, so when my friend told me I didn't have to do it, and that my soul was fine," he shrugged, "I figured why bother." The old man shook his head and Dean continued, "Then she died, and I didn't see a reason to do the spell. I mean, she's dead, her soul isn't exactly linked with mine anymore."

The man gave another pitying shake of his head, and Dean knew what he meant.

"I didn't care that I felt like shit. The girl I loved just died, I thought I should feel like shit. But then she was brought back."

The girl's eyes bugged out and she momentarily forgot her place. "She came back? From the dead?"

Dean ignored her and answered as if the Elder had asked the question. "A witch dragged her out of heaven and brought her back to earth. I didn't know anything about it until this last summer. I was in a coma and about to die -"

"And she came to you," the Elder finished in English.

"Yeah." Dean bowed his head and spoke very quietly. "And I could feel her. When she held my hand, I felt it. When she and my brother did this spirit walk thing, I felt her then, too. I couldn't feel Sam."

"Willow said we wouldn't be able to touch you," Sam babbled completely in shock over what his brother was revealing.

"Well, she was partly right, I couldn't touch you, but I touched Buffy. I even shoved her back through the portal to you guys." Dean looked toward the Elder with imploring eyes and pleaded, "I didn't know she was alive. I didn't know she had felt so awful or I would have broken the bond. I didn't know. And I tried to break it last summer, but it didn't work. I must have done something wrong."

The Elder spoke through his granddaughter, "How do you know it didn't work?"

"Because I just saw her a couple days ago and I could still feel the bond." Dean bowed his head. He hated begging for help and he hated having his brother hear all of this, but it had to be done.

"You still love her," the old man said sadly as if he could feel Dean's anguish.

Dean didn't look at the man. "How I feel doesn't matter. I just don't want her to feel miserable because of my mistake."

"If you love her, why don't you go to her? Why aren't you with her right now?" the young girl demanded forgetting her place again. "You're soul mates!"

Dean looked at the girl and tried to smile, but his eyes held too much sadness. "She doesn't, -I don't know if she ever…." He huffed a small breath. "It's just a spell, none of it is real."

The Elder seemed to understand Dean's feelings and began to speak. "Tell me everything you did to break the curse. I will try to figure out where it went wrong."

Dean went on to explain how he used the engagement ring she returned on the night of the new moon, and had followed the incantation to the letter. He knew it didn't work when he still felt a hollowness inside that didn't leave until he saw her again.

~15~15~15~

Sam and Dean left the office with a promise from the Elder to meet first thing in the morning. Dean could feel Sam's eyes boring into him as they walked to the Impala. He tried to ignore it, but Sam continued to stare as he drove to the hotel. "For chrissakes, Sam, stop looking at me like that."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"There was nothing to tell."

Sam recoiled against the seat. "You were going to get married, Dean! That's something family usually shares!"

"I would have told you, but she dumped me before it happened. What does it matter?" he muttered.

"You've been in pain since she died. You didn't think that's important enough to share, either?"

"This is why I didn't want you to be there," Dean replied sighing with exhaustion. "Sam, I'm fine. It's not the kind of pain that stops me from doing anything. I'm not crippled. I just want it to stop."

Sam wanted to tell his brother that he was an emotional 'cripple' but he thought Dean didn't deserve to feel worse. "This is why things didn't work out with you and Cassie, isn't it? This spell or curse or whatever wouldn't let you love anyone else."

"I don't know, maybe," Dean mumbled thinking about how Buffy said she knew he moved on.

Suddenly Dean burst out, "Don't go saying anything to Dawn, either. Or I swear I will kick your ass from here to Florida and back."

~15~15~15~

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cleveland – November, 2004

Dean knocked hesitantly at her door. There was no way she'd want to see him and he had no plan as to how he was going to convince her that they needed to do the spell. So, it completely caught him off guard when Willow answered the door. "Sam! Dean!"

Dean swallowed nervously, so Sam stepped forward. "Hey, Willow. Is Dawn around? I was hoping I could see her for a minute or two."

"Sure, Sam." Willow turned and called for Dawn, who came bounding into the room.

"Sam!" She wrapped him in a hug as he lifted her off her feet. "It's so good to see you."

Sam set her down, but didn't let go. "You, too," he whispered. He released her after one more moment in her embrace.

"Dean," Dawn said quietly as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Hey, Squirt." Dean barely relaxed in her arms.

Dawn leaned back to get a look at Dean. "You all right?"

"Of course." Dean's protective shell was firmly in place and he wore his best fake smile. "You think I can see Buffy for a minute?"

Willow looked over her shoulder. Buffy must have disappeared to her room when she heard the car. "She's not available right now."

"I know she doesn't want to see me. That's fine. She will never have to see me again if she doesn't want to. But she and I need to do a spell together."

Willow's brow shot up in amused skepticism. "A spell? Really?"

Dean sighed and was about to explain when Dawn said, "You should come in."

Dean entered, but elected not to go further than the front hall. Willow waited. "Well, tell me about the spell you have to do."

"Remember when Buffy and I were cursed?" Willow nodded, encouraging him to continue. Dean shot a look to his brother and Sam offered a supportive nod as well. "Well, it was a two part curse. The first half drove us apart, kept us apart, and made me sick when I saw her. The second half bound our souls together making us soul mates, so we wouldn't be happy unless we were together."

Willow's condescending smile faded. She remembered that time clearly. Tara was the one who had figured out that something was wrong with Buffy. "So the combination of curses pretty much made it impossible for you and Buffy to be happy."

"Yeah. I broke the first part of the spell that night you found me on the roof of that frat house. But, I was so happy to see Buffy again that I never broke the other half." His voice had grown quiet, and Willow could practically hear his guilt. "Anya told me I had to wait until the next day for the new moon and then Tara said I didn't need to do it because I wasn't broken anymore."

Willow nodded, but before she could speak, Buffy spoke up from her spot in the hall where she had been listening. "You think some spell made us soul mates? Well, I hate to break it to you Dean, but I was in love with you long before that stupid curse. And I -"

"It's why I could touch you in the nether realm. It's why you felt so awful when Willow brought you back. If I had just broken it when I was supposed to, neither one of us would have – ," Dean paused, he had to make this about her if he expected her to help. "You wouldn't have felt as awful as you did. I'm sorry."

Buffy heard the sincerity in his voice, but she feared breaking the bond would mean losing him. Dean didn't know how desperate he had been to hear her say she loved him. He could nearly feel the bond pulling him to her.

Hearing the reason they could feel each other in the nether realm was all the proof Willow needed. She looked between the two of them, neither one seemed prepared to take the next step. "What does the spell involve?"

Dean had been staring at Buffy, momentarily unaware that Willow had asked a question. "We've got everything we need," Sam answered for his brother, "but they have to do it tonight. There's a new moon."

Buffy almost felt like crying. Of course they would have to do it tonight. She wouldn't have an opportunity to change his mind.

Dean wiped a hand over his face. "We need to do this outside." He looked to the window, the late afternoon sun was just beginning to set. "I'll get the stuff from the trunk, if you want to meet me out back."

Buffy nodded and Dean left. She looked from Dawn and Sam to Willow. "Is he right? Have I been cursed this whole time?"

"I know you think he moved on," Sam began, "but this curse is why he was never in love with anyone else."

"Your souls being bonded together explains why you could feel him during the spirit walk, Buffy," Willow answered.

Buffy turned to Dawn. "So much for the 'just needs more time' plan." She grabbed a coat and walked to the back of the house.

~15~15~15~

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Buffy had a wrought iron cafe set in her backyard and that is where Dean set the items for the spell.

Buffy wanted more time, one more chance to make Dean see that they belonged together. "Do you think this will make you feel better? Make you happy? I feel a gaping hole inside me. The only time that it goes away is when we're together; when you look at me and I feel like we might have a chance."

Dean averted his eyes. He didn't feel better and he wasn't happy. But, he knew he had to get her to break the bond or neither of them would stand a chance. He took some scissors and snipped a piece of his hair and dropped it into the brass bowl on the table. "I need you to give me a small lock of your hair." He handed her the scissors.

Buffy sighed in defeat. Dean was all business. She clipped a lock of hair, and dropped it into the bowl. Dean took her hand, mumbled a few words, and lit the contents of the bowl on fire. Once the contents had been reduced to ash, he released Buffy's hand.

He almost couldn't contain his grin, but when he looked at Buffy, she still looked sad. Dean ducked his head and scratched the back of his neck. "So, you want to get a drink or something?" he asked quietly as he gathered his things and placed then in the brass bowl.

Startled and bewildered at his question, Buffy said, "What?"

"I asked if you wanted to get a drink or something." He was too nervous to look up.

Buffy wasn't getting over the surprise of his question. "You're asking me out?"

Dean shrugged, "Maybe, kinda depends on what you say."

"Seriously? What was this all about then?" Buffy demanded, pointing to the bowl then looking at him with a perturbed glare.

Dean looked surprised that she didn't understand. "Buffy, because if ..." he took a second to really look at her and fortress around his heart crumbled to dust. "Because if you were going to say 'yes' I needed to be sure you wanted to. I didn't want it to be because some spell or curse was making you do it."

"So, you are asking me out," Buffy clarified.

"Yeah."

"Ask me again."

"Are you going to say 'yes'?" Buffy's only response was an impatient look and Dean began to smile. "Do you want to get a drink or something?"

Seeing Dean actually smile made Buffy feel instant relief. "Yes, especially the 'or something'."

Dean flashed a megawatt grin. "I'm good with the 'or something'."

Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. She smiled as she spoke against his lips. "We're great at the 'or something'."

Dean chuckled softly but his laugh dissolved into their kiss. From the house, they could hear cheerful shouts.

For several long minutes the outside world disappeared and all that existed was that kiss. Then the winter wind picked up and leaves skittered across their feet. But everything cold and empty in them had been replaced by the heat and love they found in each other.

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Epilogue

Making Cleveland their home base had been a surprisingly easy decision for the Winchesters. They would still work jobs that took them across the country, but, now, there was someone to welcome them home.

Christmas found Sam and Dean celebrating with Dawn and Buffy in Cleveland. After catching Dawn and Sam making out under the mistletoe, Dean jerked his head to Buffy. "When did that start?"

"Uh, 1998, I think," Buffy answered with a grin.

Dean looked back at the kissing couple. "I don't know if I like it."

Buffy groaned. "Here, open this and stop worrying about your brother."

"You said no presents." Dean opened the box and found car wax.

"I know, but that's not for you, it's for the car. And the special motor oil you, she likes is in the garage," Buffy replied with a teasing smile.

"Thank you," Dean said giving her a peck on the cheek. "Though, actually you just gave me more work." Then, he pulled a small box that had no wrapping paper and no bow from his pocket. "This is yours."

"Dean, we said no presents. You weren't supposed to get me anything."

Dean quirked his brow, amused, and paused for a beat. "This isn't a present. I am just returning something." He opened the box and gingerly lifted a gold chain from it. "As far as I'm concerned, this will always belong to you." He re-clasped the necklace behind her neck and gently lifted her hair from beneath it.

Buffy gingerly lifted the new 'charm' to find that it was her silver band but now it had a gold accent that held a princess cut diamond. "Dean, it's perfect." Her breath caught in her throat. "Thank you," she finally managed to whisper.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam and Dean raced to Cleveland in an early February snow storm. They finally have a home and they promised two girls they would be there in time for a party.

Dawn paced nervously from one end of the house to the other. How could Buffy be so calm? Hadn't she seen the forecast? The storm made for dangerous driving conditions. She was half way through another lap of the house, when Buffy gently grabbed her arm. "The Impala can make it through this, don't worry."

Dawn was about to protest when the familiar rumble made her face break into a bright relieved smile. She was at the door the moment the Winchesters walked through, throwing her arms around Sam and squeezing tightly. "Thank god, I was so worried," she murmured into his neck as she held him.

Dean rolled his eyes but smiled the moment he saw Buffy's smile. She planted a small kiss on his cheek. "Hey, welcome home."

"Thanks," he grinned in return. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks." Buffy turned away. "Come on in, everyone's here."

The moment she turned, Dean's smile faded. Buffy was wearing a silver cross around her neck instead of his ring. He swallowed his disappointment, as he hung up his jacket. They had only been back together for a few months. Even if he and Sam had been calling this home, he knew that Buffy would be the one to determine how their relationship progressed. He hoped this wasn't a step back.

After 'hello's were exchanged and Xander handed Dean a beer, Buffy asked, "Dean, can you help me with the wine?"

"As long as you don't make me drink it."

He followed her into the dining room. "Can you get those glasses, while I grab these bottles?" she asked pointing to the high shelf.

"Sure," Dean replied, but he didn't move. Instead, he fixated on her hand, finally taking it in his own. "Trying to tell me something, Buffy?" he asked taking his eyes from the ring she was wearing to look into her eyes.

Buffy bit her lip in a play at being shy. "Not really. Just reminding you."

"Reminding me? Of what?" Dean was returning his own playful smile as he edged closer to her.

"That I said 'yes' years ago. I thought it was time to wear it properly."

"Are you sure?"

"I have always been sure of you, of us. It's all I ever wanted," Buffy answered confidently.

Dean's heart felt so full, he thought it would burst. He couldn't remember ever feeling so happy. "Then I guess it's time I got around to asking." He took her hands in his and cleared his throat hoping it would help those butterflies suddenly swarming inside him. "Buffy, would you -?"

He couldn't speak any more words; Buffy was kissing him and whispering "yes" and "I already said yes."

The cheers of their friends and family, who had been spying unnoticed, didn't make a dent in Dean and Buffy's world of happiness.


End file.
